"Don't cry anymore, shut me up!" Such a parent will only ruin the child's life
1
On the leisurely weekend, I was spending wonderful parent-child time like everyone else, watching the children play carefree, and the right warm sun made me forget about myself.
Just as I was observing the child's whimsy, a cry next to me broke the beautiful moment.
I couldn't help but look curiously at the sound, looking like a 3-year-old girl who was grabbing a toy with her brother.
According to the crying noise, everyone can guess that the little sister failed to rob her brother, so she would cry and cry, and when she lost her temper, she seemed to "hit" her brother.
It is not the parents who accompany the child out, it looks more like a grandmother or a grandmother, she rushes to the sound, but the result of the processing is also unimaginable to me.
Ignoring three-seven-twenty-one, she walked up and threw the toy away, repeating the same sentence:
Shut up!
After a while, the old man saw that this trick did not work for the little girl, so he dragged it over and it was a beating.
Perhaps adults who experience such treatment will feel more wronged, the little girl is no exception, crying more fiercely, but the old man at this time dragged her to the bench and held her down fiercely, directly cutting off the possibility of the girl playing again, she looked at her granddaughter, if she moved again, she would continue to fight.
This kind of behavior is undoubtedly a strong deterrent to the little girl, the little girl seems to have been pressed the emergency stop button, do not dare to move, although the struggle has stopped, but the body is still twitching with sobbing.
After an unknown amount of time, the little girl had stopped crying, she just sat quietly in the chair, her eyes were blank, and she didn't know what to do, just sat quietly on the chair and looked at the sand, and didn't play with her brother anymore.
2
When I saw this scene, I was already raising a child, and it was very uncomfortable for me to see it, and I decided to change my mood when I couldn't watch it.
Fate is really something that can't be explained, and I met them again during a walk, but the mother was in stark contrast to the old man, and the mother's voice was very soft when educating the child, and it sounded without the slightest reproach.
It was no problem to hear this sentence roughly, and when I thought that this mother was really different from other mothers, things turned around again.
In fact, some things say that a child can also achieve educational results once, but in order to achieve better goals, she began to repeat the question:
The child answers my question and the mother tells you what is the most meaningless?
The boy replied: It's crying!
Excellent! Let's strengthen the memory again.
It's crying! This time the boy seemed to be recognized and very serious.
You're amazing, so what do you tell your mom to do after you don't cry?
"Find a solution to the problem!" Mom was so satisfied after listening to it, and I really couldn't listen to it, and directly accelerated my pace away from them.
It is worth reflecting on that these two educational models are very common, so I feel very disappointed, it seems that adults feel that crying is a shameful and useless thing.
But I was also ashamed, because when I saw this situation, I did not stand up and refute this way of education. If I had refuted it at that time, there might have been a possibility of impoliteness, or I might have not understood the truth of the matter at that time, so it might not have had much effect.
So I recorded it and wrote my own thoughts.
When the child cries, I hope we can all give the child the space to cry, don't stop it.
3
In fact, crying is not useless, when we feel sad to cry, at this time we have begun to repair ourselves, if we hold back and do not cry, it is also very harmful to people's bodies, and it is difficult to repair the mood. Some scholars have studied the benefits of crying, through which we can dispel the long-standing backlog of bad emotions.
Following the recent fire drama, the profession of psychologist began to enter people's eyes
In the counseling room, all clients can express their backlog of emotions to the fullest.
According to the rules of physical development, if you want your child to be able to control emotions completely autonomously, you have to wait until the age of 25, because the main parts that manage emotions will really mature, so children are more likely to cry out of physiological needs.
But many people have a hard time understanding this, and they have a deeper misunderstanding of crying.
Whenever we encounter children crying, most of the adults' reactions will show more irritable emotions, because of the influence of various elements, crying at this time is like the last straw that makes adults explode, which immediately triggers the emotions of adults.
Especially when children cry in public, children do not care so much, but adults will inevitably think more, they will feel frustrated after a long time, and adults will feel ashamed in the face of everyone's eyes.
Sometimes parents feel that their child is challenging her by crying, so they often do not coax the child very gently, but treat the child with a tough attitude, hoping that they understand that the authority of the parents cannot be shaken.
I don't know why crying is a cowardly thing in the eyes of most people, and in their hearts they always equate crying with many derogatory words.
In fact, people will be biased, but this does not mean that we can not change, as long as we also grow and learn, over time we will look back and see different things.
People only show themselves when they feel safe, and children are the same, and when they cry in front of us, it shows that we are the ones they depend on.
Because people have a lot of misconceptions about crying, many adults now hide their vulnerability, but in my opinion, the courage to express is the real maturity.
4
I hope that readers who see this, the next time they encounter a child crying, do not make the first reaction, slow down:
Think about it in your brain—
What causes a child to cry like this? What the hell is going on?
What message are the children crying trying to convey to me?
And after I have dealt with this matter for my child, do I want to express encouragement or depreciation?
Could it be because there is a conflict of needs between the child and me?
What is my purpose after this treatment? In order to make the child better, still have an attitude of indifference.
Here are some of the ways I can reassure my kids:
When a child cries, the most important thing to avoid is to be tough with the child, and only if the adult has a stable mood, the child may be appeased.
Be a quiet listener, let the child express emotions without disturbing, and solve the problem according to the good, which will help the child develop the habit of solving problems independently.
In the end, we must not only be tolerant of the fact that children love to cry, but also be tolerant of adults, after all, crying can quickly clean up our bad emotions, and hope that we can all cry without being bound.