Hosted by Tencent News and Tencent Parenting, the 2021 Tencent Smart Parenting Annual Ceremony was successfully held in Beijing on January 11, bringing together experts and scholars in the field of parenting, maternal and infant big V, industry associations and institutional representatives, with the theme of "Journey to the Future, All the Way to Children", to analyze and discuss the current parenting environment, children's education hotspots and maternal and infant trends, and to seek valuable and innovative parenting concepts for the healthy development of mothers and babies.
Roundtable Forum 2: Leaning over to listen, how to become a qualified parent?
In the "Roundtable Forum II: Leaning Over to Listen, How to Become a Qualified Parent?" During the session, Sun Yunxiao, vice president of the China Family Education Association, Chen Zhiwen, editor-in-chief of China Education Online, and Chu Yin, vice president of the Digital Economy Think Tank, were invited to attend and have a wonderful discussion on this topic.
On January 1, 2022, the Law of the People's Republic of China on the Promotion of Family Education came into effect. The first special legislation on family education opened the era of child-rearing according to law. Sun Yunxiao said that the "Family Education Promotion Law" clarifies the main responsibility of parents and other guardians and the first responsible person for family education, not only that, the Family Education Promotion Law is a textbook law, which makes an answer to what family education is. It summarizes family education into five main points, moral character, physical fitness, life skills, cultural accomplishment, and good habits, and these five points can be summarized as life education. China's current family education is seriously caught in the misunderstanding of knowledge education, and even anti-life education.
Sun Yunxiao, vice president of the Chinese Family Education Society
Sun Yunxiao summed up the child's learning motivation, he said that the best learning motivation is based on the inherent need, the need for knowledge, learning is to obtain knowledge, solve difficult problems; the second is the need for development; the third is the need for reward; the worst is the need for competition, children in the fear of losing, afraid of others to surpass themselves in this matter is prone to achievement anxiety or achievement anxiety.
Sun Yunxiao believes that geniuses choose the path that suits themselves, and stupid people choose the path that is not suitable for themselves. The vocation of a good parent is to discover the potential strengths of their children. In the presence of parents and children to observe their interests, strengths, and give full respect, support and protection, parents need to realize that this will be the most important, happiest and even the most successful area in their children's lives. At the same time, Sun Yunxiao also stressed that parents should maintain rationality and measure while loving their children, and reflect on whether the so-called "love" and good for their children are not what children really want.
Chinese parents often regard the quality of academic performance, famous schools, good employment, etc. as the only way to judge the results of education. Chen Zhiwen pointed out that the root cause of contemporary parents' anxiety, hard work and blind investment in education lies in the single evaluation system of society. For example, the settlement policy of first-tier cities determines whether they are excellent talents through the score line of the college entrance examination; for example, some selected students are strictly limited to students of first-class colleges and universities. The social evaluation system is the root cause of the worship and following of Chinese parents. Chen Zhiwen believes that instead of desperately choosing a school, it is better to lead by example and be a good parent, and it is the parents who determine the future of their children, rather than relying only on famous teachers from famous schools.
Chen Zhiwen, Editor-in-Chief of China Education Online
While clarifying the responsibilities between society and the family, Chen Zhiwen also reminds parents to remember the original intention of parenting, that is, to raise a physically and mentally healthy child. Second, understand what is the responsibility of parents? Parents are not teaching their children knowledge, not continuing the functions of the school. What parents want to educate is the problem of their children's three views and the problem of the formation of second behavior habits. When you raise a serious, attentive, self-disciplined child, a child with lofty ambitions and not limited to the ego, they will self-motivate and grow independently.
Chen Zhiwen said that the polarization of family education is obvious, one is the old-school authoritative parents, which means absolute rights and unequal parent-child relationship; the other is a new type of parent who overemphasizes equality, and children lack basic reverence for parents, elders, teachers, etc. The parent-child relationship must be equal, but it should be noted that equality and respect are prerequisites, and carried out on the basis of keeping him in awe.
Chen Zhiwen reminds parents to learn to accompany their children to grow, accompany him to fall on his head, and accompany him through his experience, rather than reaching out to protect him at every turn. Parent-child companionship should be present in the right way when the child really needs it, but don't take the shot and let the child go through everything he should experience. Children who have experienced rubbing are more powerful.
Chu Yin, who comes from a legal background, believes that the purpose of legal setting is mainly divided into the standardization of rights and obligations and the guidance of education and publicity, and the Family Education Promotion Law is actually more like the latter, which tells parents where the education direction is and what parenting obligations to bear. Chinese parents are very concerned about their children's learning ability, but most of the problems in children's learning are not solved by schools. Such as the problem of concentration, the problem of study habits, the problem of self-motivation, the problem of curiosity, the problem of boredom, these problems are not solved by the school, nor are they caused by the school, which is brought about by family life.
Chu Yin, vice president of the Digital Economy Think Tank
Through the difference between ancient and modern educational environments, Chu Yin pointed out the dilemma of family education at present. Why did the ancients attach importance to knowledge education, because there are few books and the illiteracy rate is very high. In education in an era of lack of knowledge, knowledge is the most important. Today is an education with excess knowledge, no shortage of books, no shortage of teachers, no shortage of time, is a problem of learning internal driving force. In an era when knowledge was widespread and readily available, today's homeschooling has to bear something completely different.
Chu Yin believes that it is normal for Chinese parents to have parenting anxiety. Parents in backward and poor areas basically do not have parenting anxiety, and they will send their children out to work in junior high school, because many families do not have access to more educational resources, and parents do not have more expectations for their children. Today's common parenting anxiety is due to the parents' higher vision and knowledge level, and they have more planning and expectations for their children's future development.
On the issue of reflecting on Chinese education, Chu Yin put forward the most important point, that is, the parents' desire to control, parents should look for education that is in harmony with their children's growth, rather than an education that is confrontational. Parents should understand that the growth of their children is a process of being far away from their parents and away from control. Secondly, Chu Yin said that children who have not lost are the most vulnerable and dangerous, and the ability to withstand setbacks is the most important part of growth.
Chu Yin stressed that family education should pay close attention to and intervene cautiously, and children will find the laws of the world on their own, and this process of searching is the process of their mental growth. In the face of the problem of intergenerational education, Chu Yin gave a practical solution. First of all, it is clear that the main body of responsibility, parents are the main body of responsibility of children, and elders are only helping. Secondly, upward management, downward communication, suspicious people do not use. All management is for the growth of children, and it is necessary to constantly understand the children's reactions. We tend to be instinctively harsh on our loved ones, which is bad, to leave our tempers out and return home with gratitude and tenderness.