Writer Liu Tong once said:
"If a person affects your emotions, your focus should be on controlling your emotions, not on the person who influences your emotions."
However, in real life, we always focus on the people who affect our emotions when our emotions are out of control, and let our own emotions get out of control, making things worse and worse.
And only after tasting the pain caused by impulse will we understand that learning to master emotions is a compulsory course in our lives.
A few days ago, there was a video on Douyin that caused netizens to explode:
A pregnant woman negotiated with her husband in April last year to hold a wedding on October 5, but in August, for some reason, she told the wedding shop that the wedding would be postponed.
Until November, the pregnant woman ran to the store to say that she would not do the wedding, and asked for a refund of the 3,000 yuan deposit she had previously prepaid.
In the mutual communication, the merchant still insisted on implementing the previous agreement that the deposit would not be refunded, and said that the deposit could be used as a baby feast and other aspects in the future.
In this way, the two sides did not agree, and the pregnant woman left the wedding dress shop in a rage.
However, not long after, the woman came to the store with a pair of scissors and directly cut 32 wedding dresses.
The clerk repeatedly dissuaded, and the pregnant woman did not stop, so she had to take a video with her mobile phone to leave evidence, and reminded the woman that these wedding dresses were thousands of pieces.
The pregnant woman did not think so, and said proudly while cutting:
"Tens of thousands? I can afford to lose more than 100,000 yuan. ”
Then later, when the negotiation came, the pregnant woman and her husband went to the store together, and the store said that the compensation was more than 60,000, but the pregnant woman's husband left 6 words as a response to the incident: "You directly sue her!"
Apparently, the husband is reluctant to pay the money and wants to get rid of the relationship altogether.
As soon as this word came out, netizens could explode in the comment area.
Some people accuse pregnant women of deliberately cutting the wedding dress in the wedding dress shop to vent their anger, and what they do should be borne by themselves;
Some people accuse the husband of not taking responsibility, and when things go wrong, they push the wife out, unwilling to share the hardships.
What do you think about this?
Adults should not be slaves to their emotions
Rob White once said:
"At no time should one be a slave to one's emotions."
Once you are a slave to emotions, the consequences can only be borne by yourself, and you want others to pay for you, which depends on how important you are in the hearts of others?
Even if it is important, there is a degree.
The woman was a pregnant woman, and although her mood was volatile and often fluctuating, this was no excuse for doing something wrong.
Although we don't know what the pregnant woman went through, we postponed the wedding again and again until it was finally cancelled.
It is not the wedding dress shop that can cause the consequences of these things, let alone the employees and bosses of the wedding dress shop, who should not transfer their resentment to innocent people.
Moreover, when the pregnant woman discussed the refund of the deposit with the boss, the boss proposed to implement it in accordance with the agreement that had been made before, "the deposit will not be refunded", and the boss was reasonable and did not deliberately mean to be difficult.
It's like when we go to a place to consume, we have booked a deposit early to spend a certain day in the store, and the store has also reserved the service and location that should be given to you during that time period, but you suddenly say "I want to cancel the reservation", basically you can't get back the deposit.
If you continue to spend according to the agreement, this deposit may be directly deducted from the consumption amount, and once you do not come to spend the reservation, it is very likely that the deposit will be used as a loss of the reserved space of the small shop as an emergency compensation.
If it proves that the pregnant woman really wants to return the deposit, you may also be able to negotiate with the store calmly to see if you can return some.
What did she do as a pregnant woman?
She went out in a huff, and when she came back, she took a pair of scissors and directly "went straight to the subject", maliciously cutting the wedding dress in the wedding dress shop, even if the clerk reminded her many times, she did not realize her mistake.
However, from the time she proudly said "I can afford it", it is obvious that she is dismissive of the price of these wedding dresses, can you say that this is an act of ignorance? It's more like a deliberate act.
Bad emotions are like devils hiding in the body, and if you don't control it, you will be countered by it.
The pregnant woman was eventually sentenced to 60,000 yuan in compensation, which is also a self-inflicted consequence.
Not many people will pay for your "malicious loss of control"
The Chronicle of History once wrote:
"Whoever has thunder in his chest and a face like a flat lake can worship the general."
This means that when the emotions fluctuate greatly, people who can still maintain calm can be called people.
And when we express anger, the guidelines we should follow are: you can express anger, but you can't express anger, otherwise not many people will pay for your malicious loss of control.
This is the case with the pregnant woman's husband!
Pregnant women are so confident when cutting wedding dresses, they should feel that their husbands have good conditions, and their husbands will certainly help themselves to compensate, but they have not thought about how much their husbands are willing to pay for this malicious act of venting anger?
Sixty thousand yuan, nearly a year's salary of many people, was cut by her so angry and all gone, but her husband's money was not blown by the wind, how many people are willing to spend so much money as compensation for "one anger"?
If the pregnant woman's own confidence stems from herself, it is okay, and it is a big deal to cut it herself and lose it.
But obviously, she threw the compensation to her husband and became an outsider herself.
Once things did not go according to her expectations, and the husband was unwilling to compensate, the pregnant woman could only bear the responsibility herself, and the consequences were extremely terrible.
Truly mature people should control rational thinking and have their own emotional management system.
We all know that such people are reliable when things are not ashamed or angry, but such people are often mature people with a set of emotional management systems.
The Stanford School of Continuing Education has an open class called The Science of Willpower, and psychologists divide willpower control into three categories:
I want to: what is beneficial, what should be done, even if you don't want to, you have to insist.
I don't want: something that is harmful, something that can't be done, even if there is temptation, I have to refuse.
I want to: dream big, remember, as the first law of decision-making.
Brain scientists invent willpower in the prefrontal cortex of the brain: "I want" to be on the left, "I don't" to the right, and "I want" to be in the lower middle region.
Parents teach us to do things "think twice" response, which can indeed effectively suppress our impulsive behavior.
If you give yourself a few seconds to calm down when you are emotionally up, you can often effectively control your emotions and not let yourself be overwhelmed by anger.
People often say that anger hurts the body, and we can't let it indulge in the breeding of emotions, but learn how to control it.
Learn to control emotions, in order to win people's trust; learn to control emotions, family can be happy and happy; learn to control emotions, good luck will come!
I am @ Qingzishu, the end of the article everyone discussed together: If you are the husband of this pregnant woman, are you willing to help her pay compensation?