Potato Mom says:
Before introducing today's article, let me report one thing to you.
According to everyone's voting results, we decided to open the group with the highest number of votes Sivo learning machine and hKUST iFLYTEK learning machine, the second aunt is currently bargaining with the brand side, it is expected to open next week, everyone wait for the second aunt
~
After talking about the learning machine, let's get back to the point, today's article comes from Yun girlfriend @ Shallow, she recently encountered the soul torture of her primary school son: Why is our family not as rich as other people's families?
She stepped through the pit about the problem and finally found a way to deal with it. It is estimated that many cloud girlfriends have encountered this problem, so it is up to her to share it with everyone. You are also welcome to leave a message to discuss it together
Text/Shallow Picture/Potato Mom
The other day, I took my baby to get a vaccine and was angry with him. Here's the thing: Baby's class was vaccinated uniformly, and I drove him there. While waiting for the traffic light, Wa saw the car of his classmate Zhao Ming's family, and then asked me loudly: "Mom, why does Zhao Ming's family drive a luxury car, while our family drives a cheap car?" "I glanced at his classmate's car, it was a Porsche. After reading it, I didn't return to the baby, just thought, what luxury car, cheap car, can drive it on the line. After a while, Wa asked again, "Why are other people's families so rich?" Hearing Wa say this, I suddenly became angry and shouted loudly, "What is this like?" I never asked why you didn't get first place? "Wa was intimidated by me, and did not dare to say a word."
Baby is quiet, but my heart is turning the river upside down. This baby loves to compare at a young age, and her vanity is so strong.
If you are not capable enough in the future, and you are not willing to work hard, and you want to be good, what should you do?
As soon as I got home, I couldn't help but complain to my girlfriend.
What I didn't expect was that my friend laughed after listening to my angry spit. She smiled and said, you, you, are labeling the child again. Children wonder why their classmates have money and why their cars are better, which is a normal psychological phenomenon. He's comparing, not comparing.
Comparison is a pity, must be better than others. My baby often comes back to me and tells me that the eraser of so-and-so classmate is bigger than mine, who has a better Ultraman card than mine, and the comic book at the same table is more than mine...
My friend's words subverted my previous perception of "comparison". For a moment and a half, I couldn't answer the phone, and I talked to her. After a short while, the friend continued to say, today your baby said this, I think it is nothing. But you said yesterday that you want to talk to him about his outdoor birthday party.
When it comes to outdoor parties, I'm even more angry.
Before the baby's birthday, he invited a few good classmates to go to McDonald's or haidil fishing. But a few days ago, after wa attended an outdoor birthday party held by his classmates, she came back and told me that she wanted to live like that. Hearing Eva's request, I was stunned. Oh my God, this child, not a home, I don't know if chai rice oil and salt are expensive!
He didn't know that his classmate's birthday party was going to cost tens of thousands of dollars. I've heard other mothers say that the site and setup fee alone cost thousands. Just a birthday, invited dozens of people, a mighty look, no need, right?
The bottom line is that this is clearly beyond the financial affordability of our working class, which I certainly can't promise him.
However, at that time, I was so excited to see him, and I did not directly reject him.
Because, before that, I stepped on the pit.
Last time, I took Eva on a trip, and after checking in, Eva said that the hotel where his classmates stayed could swim, and he also wanted to stay in a hotel with a swimming pool tomorrow. I don't think I should answer him, most of the hotels with swimming pools are five-star hotels, it is estimated to be more than 1,000 a night, and my mother's monthly salary is less than 1,000 yuan. Listening to me say this, Eva did not say that she wanted to change the hotel. It can be said that as long as I cry poor, as long as I cry about the expensive things, he will obediently obey. At that time, I was often proud of my "cleverness". It wasn't until one day, when my dad mentioned something to me, that I realized that my way of handling it was wrong.
That day, Wa and his dad went out and saw an Obu Ultraman Zhiyong Form Sands SP Card, very excited. Wa told his dad that this card was scarce and especially expensive. After watching it for a while, he said to his father again, forget it, I am a poor ghost, I don't deserve such a good thing. Hearing the baby's father repeat the words of the baby, my intestines were full of remorse. I never thought that my crying was poor, so that the child had a feeling of unworthiness in his heart. At that moment, I reminded myself in my heart that education is no small matter, and it is no longer possible to solve children's problems in simple and rough ways, and must be treated with care. Thinking of this, I am more determined that I can no longer refuse my child's request in a "crying poor" way. So what to do? How to talk to him, not only can he dispel the idea of outdoor partying, but also will not hurt him. Later, I thought about it, since "blocking" is not OK, let's use "loose".
As soon as Wa proposed to have an outdoor party, I sentenced him to the death penalty of "Panbi", but in fact, what I should do most is to first understand the reasons and motives behind Wa's request.
Only by knowing the cause can we prescribe the right medicine.
So, before Baby went to bed, I had a good chat with him.
Me: Why would you want to have an outdoor party? Wa: I think the party for my classmates is very grand and fun, so I want to hold one too. I echoed: Mom and you feel the same way, think the party that day is really good. Seeing that I and he agreed with his thoughts, she was even more relaxed, "Yes, so many classmates have come, super happy." I continued to ask, "Is there any other reason for that?" Wa did not reply directly to me, hesitated for a long time, he was a little embarrassed to say: "Everyone is around him, I think it is particularly face-saving, especially cool!" ”
It turns out that Wa wants to have a grand birthday party in order to pay attention, which is what we often call the sense of existence. When I knew what the child really thought in his heart, I suddenly felt that it was not as serious as I thought.
This kind of need to be seen by every adult will have, but the way and method of children have deviated.
Knowing the true thoughts of the child's heart, I immediately had a countermeasure in my heart.
When the child makes material requirements that exceed the family's economic conditions, rather than simply and rudely rejecting the child, it is more important to guide the baby to distinguish between "need" and "want" and to see the true meaning behind the material. So I went on to say, "Mom knows what you think, and you want to be as popular as he is, right?" Eva nodded. As I went on, my mom asked you a question: "What do you think is the point of having a birthday party?" "Have fun with good friends." She answered me without even thinking about it.
I continued, "Yes, the birthday party is to spend a special day with good friends and make everyone happy." So our seemingly unorthodox birthday party in previous years, are you and your friends happy? Eva said, very happy. "Yeah, so, is there a difference between where to meet and how many people come?" I asked rhetorically. Wa heard this, knew what I wanted to say, and sat there without a word.
Seeing that she didn't speak, I continued, "Mom didn't say this to criticize you, but to tell you that when we decide whether to have something, the first thing we think about is whether I need it or not."
Because we want too many things and the money is limited, and you spend it here, then other places may not be able to satisfy you. After listening to my words, although the baby understood, she whispered to me, Mom, I know. But because of the disillusionment, he still looked frustrated.
Sensing Baby's emotions, I gave him an idea.
I went on to say, "Having an outdoor party, if you want to, it's not impossible, but we need to work together."
Let's ask your classmate's mom for the price of the party and then save money together. Your pocket money is set aside every month, and my mother is willing to help you and give you a part of my writing fee, so that we can work together. ”
Hearing this, Eva suddenly became excited and felt hopeful again.
He excitedly told me that from now on he was going to save all the money for ultraman cards.
I said, this is a good idea, I took the paper and pencil, and we will see how to save money together...
At present, this plan is still in the works. I don't know if I'll be able to succeed
。
Some people may ask, if it really succeeds, will you really do it for him?
If he really wants it so much and is willing to put in so much effort to achieve it, I think it's not just a comparison with other people's anger. Then I will also try to help my children achieve it.
Because in the process of helping children to work hard, it is also to cultivate children's character of perseverance and non-giving up.
If he feels that he doesn't want it so much and shouts to stop, it is also rewarding for the child.
Because it also made him understand that any wish needs to be worked on, not just talked about.
In this way, he will also know how to cherish it in the future, and more importantly, he understands the cost of this and will not easily make unreasonable demands.
So how can it not be lost, what do you think?
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Hello, I am Li Diandian, 4-year-old daughter tomato, 9-year-old son potato ma ma, good at using comics and text to record the daily life of the second child chicken flying dog jumping, sharing hardcore learning resources and reliable, in-depth parenting dry goods.