Author-Que Ping Read aloud-Shiso
Edited by ┃丄学号 Chaired by Liang Shanbo
This year, "inner volume" has become the most popular hot word on the Internet, from the beginning to lie flat to later the inner volume, everyone has felt the pressure of this era full of invisible smoke, large to the collective, small to the individual, we seem to have become unable to afford to lose, which inevitably makes the world order of children also undergo subtle changes, parents have participated in the inner volume, how can children calm down?
"Winning" has gradually become the ultimate goal and belief of many parents to educate their children, they always convey a sense of urgency to their children, it seems that as long as children do not try to catch up, they will not have a bright future.
Parents have never thought that if there is no "win" education and "lose" education complement each other, the child's personality is easy to go to the extreme, their sense of victory and defeat will become exceptionally strong, the advantage is that the child is not willing to fall behind everywhere, there is a fighting spirit, and the disadvantage is that the child becomes too much of a knuckle, a little unhappy, will be because of the loss and can not hang on to face, unreasonable tantrums, this kind of head-toss often makes parents miserable, they do not want the child to be too Buddhist, and it is difficult to deal with the child in the process of struggling to start too much to care about winning or losing This difficult sutra has become an inescapable compulsory category for almost every family, learning to admit defeat, but not accepting defeat is an ability that all parents and children need to cultivate, only in this way, fish and bear paws may be able to have both.
01
Social involvement will naturally lead to the involution of education,
And the involution of education is inevitable to make the child's world also begin to appear involution.
The TV series "Tiger Mom and Cat Dad" vividly restores most parents' obsession with "winning" education. Parents because of the need to participate in the cruel competition in the society, as long as they lag behind others half a step, they may not be able to work and work, this sense of urgency to survive makes them dare not slacken off, they expect their children to win at the starting line when they are not out of society, therefore, they will unconsciously instill a concept to their children, that is, everything should be scrambled, especially academic performance.
Parents can take care of the face, but can not take care of the point,
The child may be very positive as a whole, but specific to the details of life, the child has become unable to take it down.
The so-called affordability is that children are willing to participate in the competition among their classmates, and will also enthusiastically try higher challenges, and can not put down means that when the child's ability hits a wall, they cannot accept their position calmly, they will deny all their previous wins with a temporary loss, their inner anxiety will suddenly erupt at the moment of losing, and then they will lose their minds and lose their temper, no matter how relieved the parents are, they all feel that the end of the world is only one step away from them, so we can find a lot of problems children, They all have a common trait, that is, they are afraid of losing in their hearts, it seems that if they lose, their parents will not love them, and there is no sunshine in the world around them, which is like a tight curse for children, facing the border of collapse at any time, and if parents do not teach their children how to cultivate the quality of admitting defeat in time, the child's immortalization will only be a moment.
02
So how to teach children to properly admit defeat is also a winning value?
First of all, parents should avoid bringing their own work pressure into life, do not use the survival rules of the adult world to guide children, weaken the child's perception of the result of "winning", not only win is worthy of the beauty of the world, losing can also harvest a lot of good feedback, so that children can see the difference between winning and losing from the perspective of change and development.
Children, they actually care more about the love and praise of their parents and related people around them.
So, in essence, children are not afraid of losing, they are afraid that after losing, they will not be able to get the praise and love they want in their hearts.
Unlike adults who will regard winning and losing as the key element of survival, this is why everyone tries to win in order to gain a foothold in this society, because only by winning can they obtain more social resources and give their families a better life, while children have no concept of survival at all, they just want a sense of security that is recognized.
Therefore, as a parent, it is not whether the child is leading everywhere.
It is whether the child can maintain a down-to-earth and learning attitude, including the habit of independent thinking,
As for the consequential theory is not so important, in the process of educating children, parents should pay more attention to the process, as long as the process route is right, they should give the child positive feedback, rather than evaluating the child with the results.
Only in this way, children will not regard winning or losing as the standard of their own excellence, this is the best soil for children to develop a stable mentality, watch the flowers blossom and fall before the court, and look at the clouds in the sky Is not only adults who need to cultivate, children should also cultivate their stable personality from an early age.
03
Secondly, parents must objectively use praise words on different occasions and at different times.
Actively help children develop a correct sense of self,
Some parents are eager to boast their children to the sky when their children are in a winning state, what you are the best, you will definitely have a bright future in the future, you are simply the biggest pride of your parents...
This kind of praise is not undesirable, but when the child is in the highlight, you over-express your praise for the child, the child will blindly think that he is so good, so that they will have an inexplicable sense of superiority in their bones, no one is inferior to them, so once they encounter Waterloo, they cannot bear this personality self-denial, and it is naturally easy to have excessive behavior.
Therefore, the praise of parents to their children should be stable output,
Rather than winning or losing to determine the density of your own praise,
Children are the most able to see the face of adults, your differential praise treatment, will only plant the obsession with winning in the child's heart, and people who hold too much obsession are doomed to live very tired, because the way they look at the problem is relatively one-sided, so they cannot accept their imperfections, and not accepting it will cause behavior to be obedient and rebellious, and learning to let children accept the normal of winning and losing is the most important personality training education.
04
Finally, parents should lead by example to improve their losing character,
An old saying that victory or defeat is a common thing in the soldiers, losing can also be very stylish, not fighting and not knowing each other is not the best example, losing the result, but winning friendship, this atmospheric style will also unconsciously affect the child's perception of winning and losing.
When they see that their parents can confidently release the shining point of their personality even if they are inferior to others, the child will also develop self-confidence to deal with the attitude after losing, rather than always feeling that they are crushed, others will deny him, so they must first take people to vent their grievances.
The child is actually another mirror of the parent,
Parents have a losing mind, and children will naturally not be stingy to where to go,
Some parents may feel aggrieved, even if I am competitive, I will not be unreasonable to make trouble, at most the mouth complains a few more words, the child is not as mature as the parents, their language system is subject to their limited experience, when their hearts are resentful, their first thought is to express their inner emotions with extreme behavior and words, if adults can not perceive that this is the dereliction of duty of their own education, and blindly accuse children, what can not be said well, simply incomprehensible and the like, It will only let the child go into a dead end, and if he wins, he will feel that the whole world is paying attention to him, and if he loses, he will feel that the whole world is despising him, which is not a good sign, parents should take precautions as soon as possible, and teach their children the correct view of winning and losing according to their talents.
05
Children, learning to admit defeat is also a kind of cultivation in life,
Although this sounds like a chicken soup phrase,
But it is undeniable that admitting defeat is related to the direction of children's character development,
If the child lacks a correct view of winning and losing, the child's personality is likely to follow the result of winning and losing, and the win or loss is uncertain, which does not mean that the child's personality is also like a mountain road with nine curves and eighteen bends, suddenly upward self-confidence, suddenly downward inferiority and irritability... This rollercoaster-like change is not only the child's fragile heart, the parents are even more miserable, so instead of waiting until the child stumbles into such a curve, it is better for the parents to start from themselves, learn to admit defeat, learn to face the ups and downs of life with a stable attitude, and the child may confidently and calmly walk the road of their own life.
Appreciation belongs to the author
Reader┃Perilla
Shiso, a native of Benxi, Liaoning, now living in Japan, has a master's degree, always keeps his curiosity, strives to be a slash youth, loves life, loves reading, and is eager to convey warmth and strength with sound.