Recently, a mother told her parenting experience on a video. She and the child's father are both 985 masters, and after graduation, they settled in Beijing through the talent introduction policy, and the couple attached great importance to their children's education. From the first grade of his son's elementary school, dad would accompany his child almost every day to do homework and help with homework.
However, after so many years of hard work, her son, who is in her third year of high school, has developed a sense of disgust with school. According to the current results, it may not even be able to pass the three books. The mother said that the child is not only a scum, but also a bar, and always likes to carry it with adults. Mom was very upset, but she could only accept the reality helplessly.
The parents are so good, but the children are very ordinary, it is indeed worth reflecting. Sometimes, it is not that the parents are not hard enough and hard, it may be that the direction of the effort is not right, and if you are not careful, you will fall into some misunderstandings in parenting.
Myth 1: Parents attach too much importance to their children's academic performance.
It is right to pay attention to children's learning, but it is harmful to pay too much attention to academic performance and tie too many things to children's learning. First of all, it will make both kids and parents feel particularly stressed. In the video, the mother said that the father has been studying with the child since the first grade of primary school. It can be seen that adults attach great importance to children's learning.
But what is the purpose of valuing children's learning? Is it just to get good grades and get into a good university in the future? If so, under the influence of this utilitarian thinking, children and parents are prone to anxiety in the process of learning, and when there are difficulties that will not be done, the test results are not ideal, and the progress after hard work is not obvious, they will magnify the current difficulties and produce anxiety. Once they develop anxiety, they are unable to fully focus on the problem at hand, and even lead to conflict and other problems.
Too much emphasis on learning, must require children to spend most of their time and energy on learning, children will have little time to engage in other activities, which will affect the child's interest development, personality building, social skills and other aspects of the cultivation. And these abilities play a vital role in a person's life.
Myth two: Parents attach great importance to education, but lack scientific educational concepts and methods.
So far, there are still many parents who believe that letting children learn well is educating children, and children's good grades are successful education, and this understanding of education is very narrow. It is important for children to learn knowledge points well, and their attitude in the face of difficult problems is also very important; It is important for children to get good grades on the test, and it is also important to accept their failures; It is important for children to like to learn, and it is also important to like sports.
In short, education is not just about learning, it involves many aspects. At the same time, many parents know what to do to benefit their children, but they lack the right way. The mother mentioned that the child's father had twice had a heart attack because of the child's learning. There are many such examples. If the method used by parents in tutoring homework is not appropriate, it will not only help the child, but also cause the scene of "chicken flying dog jumping".
In fact, tutoring children to learn is also a science. What parents should do in the process of their children's learning, what they should not do, when they need to accompany their children to learn, how long to accompany them, what to do when they repeatedly explain that their children cannot understand, and so on. Every small problem needs to be seriously considered and studied, and parents need to find the most appropriate method according to scientific education methods and children's personality characteristics.
Myth 3: Parents help their children design the path to talent based on their own experience.
This method is not impossible, if the parents themselves have high achievements, extensive knowledge, super cognition, the ability to keep pace with the times, the corresponding conditions and resources. At the same time, parents can have insight into future changes, know their children very well, and the plans they make are suitable for their children, and the children themselves are happy. It is indeed possible, under the guidance of parents, children can take many detours less.
However, for most people, this path is not very suitable. Parents' own cognition is limited, the world is in a kaleidoscopic state, there are too many factors to grasp, children have their own characteristics. Based on the above, it is almost impossible to design a path for children to become talents in advance and let them follow the established route.
Parents should pay attention to the big and small when educating their children, guide their children to become a physically and mentally healthy, positive, and love to learn people, but allow them to have their own ideas, respect their interests, and support their dreams, rather than asking them to do what they want to do and do, to give them the opportunity to take the initiative to think, and to exercise their autonomy.
Back to the matter of writing homework, parents can ask their children to complete which homework in how long, what rewards are given to completing the task, and what consequences will be borne if the task is not completed. As for the order to follow, how long each homework takes, let the child decide for himself. Unless the child does not have such ability or actively seeks the help of adults, adults cannot be too careful.
Whether the child is excellent or not may not be directly related to the parents' own achievements, but it must be related to the parents' educational concepts and methods. In the matter of educating children, laziness is not good, and it is not good to use the wrong method, which is a great test for parents.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to pay attention to, like, comment, the article is not reprinted.