The child is angry, and the consequences are very serious!
A 5-year-old boy smashes a TV
Chen Chen is a 5-year-old boy, he wants to eat snacks after eating, and his mother firmly disagrees: "How can you eat snacks just after eating?" No way. When Chen Chen heard this, he quickly dragged his mother's hand: "I want to eat, I want to eat!" Then roll to the ground.
Mom said calmly, "If you say no, you can't do it!" You calm yourself down and I went to cook. ”
Just in the process of cooking, suddenly "bang", the mother quickly came out to take a look, found that Chenchen actually picked up the remote control and smashed the TV!
Chen chen's mother said: I was really angry at the time, I wanted to grab the remote control and throw it at him, but I also knew that if I did this, he might erupt even more, because he had already smashed a TV set, and I was a little overwhelmed.
What to do? There is a netizen's words in the back, which have aroused widespread concern:
Sticks out of filial piety, you can refuse corporal punishment, but be sure to make the child afraid of you. Don't refuse corporal punishment in order to be friends with children, who of us didn't grow up beaten? It's still good, and it's never too late to say five thousand years of mantras.
A netizen in the back immediately replied: I used to treat my child the same as you, and then the child got tics. Since then, I have come to a great understanding that I must be patient with my children and be patient again. If you physically punish, the child will only superficially obey you, and if he is not convinced, he will no longer be close to you, and his temper will become more and more impatient.
The child has a big temper, which leads to a bad atmosphere in the house
What should I do if my child has a big temper? This has been a long-term problem for my husband and me. At the beginning of the year, we often lost our temper with our children, and the couple always quarreled about it, and the turning point occurred one night:
Dabao lifelike because of picky eating, there is a bunch of dishes left. Watching her pick and choose from the rice plate with a spoon, I glanced at it and remembered the previous scene:
"Look at you are picky eaters, so thin, and picky eaters, how to grow taller?"
"Your own, you're going to finish eating, how many times have I said that?"
"The meal was served by Grandma, it's none of your business?" Then before you eat, you have to say, you must eat now, you can't waste! ”
These words that have been said for hundreds of years are useless, and I controlled my violent temper and said patiently:
"It's a pity that this dish is not to your liking."
"Mom, you're right!"
"But eating greens and meat, nutrition is balanced, you know?" You're so skinny, Mom is really worried. ”
"Mom, I know, but I really can't eat it." (Kids are so hard to get!) ）
"Do you want to think of a way? How about chopping them up like fried rice and adding a little juice? ”
"I think it's a great idea!"
That's it, things settled? Think too much!
She picked up the scissors and operated it, and while eating, she admired the delicious food. But in reality, it is often not so simple, the good times are not long, the sister came over, took the toy, and poked the sister. With angry eyes, I took Erbao Xixi away, and then Xixi opened her teeth and claws at her sister. Vivid immediately got angry again: Sister, you are like this, I am really angry!
Angry again, there is no end to it! But so what? The sister didn't do anything, you concentrate on eating, don't look at the sister, don't you just do it! But what is the use of adults getting angry? So I took another deep breath and continued:
"Do you know why you're angry? Because you're always staring at your sister! When you stare at a person, it is easy to find out what is wrong with that person. Okay, now I'll stare at you and try it.
Heck, what do you have to sit up straight when you eat, and what do you have to bend over?
Look at your bangs, which fall off again, pierce into the eyes, and affect your eyesight for a long time!
Eat slowly, just now eat so slowly, now so fast!
You see, as long as I keep staring at you, my heart will be uncomfortable, won't I? At this time, we just focus on other things. Take a good look at the dish in front of you and think about what to say next time, can your mother make it more delicious? Think about what game you'll play with your sister? Isn't it happier? ”
He laughed as he listened, "Maybe you're right." ”
Then, she happily went to dinner, and her sister saw that her sister did not react, did not make trouble, and played something else.
The husband who was sitting on the side saw the whole process and sighed: Wife, you have become so good now! I've been waiting for you to yell at it.
I was stunned and smiled happily. In retrospect, it wasn't easy to become what it is now. Because I found that the original child's emotional problems can not be seen, it is a system problem, you must solve a lot of problems at the same time to be effective!
Don't do pointless struggles, it is a fantasy to have children completely rational!
Kids can make you angry anytime, anywhere. Sleeping late, delaying homework, eating slowly, erbao big cold day, refusing to wear cotton clothes, wearing shorts, refusing to eat, only want to eat bread, often grab Dabao's toys... And he said that he didn't listen to it several times, or, the first time he understood it, and then he was wrong again!
Why is that?
"Whole Brain Education Method": The "amygdala" in the lower brain controls the child's emotions, the lower brain is very developed from the child's birth, but the upper brain responsible for logical thinking and rationality will not fully mature until it is in its twenties, even if it is a teenager, it will undergo a major change.
There's really no way, because the child's brain is not yet fully developed.
Therefore, abandoning our unrealistic fantasies and asking children to be able to control emotions completely rationally and all the time depends largely on the age of the child. When you understand this, you have a good psychological foundation, the child is angry, you follow the anger, is a very ignorant behavior!
If the rules are established early, the personality will be good!
Good habits can greatly reduce the chances of children losing their temper. I have 2 children, Erbao is now 2 and a half years old, he now knows that after eating to eat snacks, watching TV can only watch 20 minutes, buying toys can only buy 1, riding a rocker can only spend 2 coins at a time. So, the chances of her making a big fuss every day are really rare.
I've never had a "kid arguing about watching TV" in my family. Usually it's almost time, and I remind you in advance: Ah, after watching this episode, I'm going to turn it off!
When the time came, I shut down the phone, and the child was very acceptable. Sometimes children remind you: Mom, it's time to turn off the TV, I've been watching it for a long time!
I think another thing is that the rules need to be humane. Just like watching 20 minutes of TV is humane, it is not good to watch it at all (personal opinion, do not spray).
My little niece, as soon as she arrived at my house, stared at the TV set, because her family sold it so that she wouldn't watch cartoons. But as soon as she arrived at someone's house, she would stare at the TV all the time. Think about it, if she grew up, had a cell phone, or went out to study, what would she do then?
On the contrary, my second treasure, when I go to other people's homes, I will be attracted by other toys, books, etc., rarely follow the TV, and will shout: What is good to watch on TV, play together! Emotions should be loose, not blocked!
Don't be perfunctory, but really help your child solve the problem.
I live with my mother-in-law. I remember that half a year ago, as soon as I ate, I lost my temper, really, as soon as I came to the table, it didn't take 1 minute, I immediately lost my temper, and it happened to close the door and hide in the room. The reason is: she doesn't like it when her grandmother always gives her vegetables, always telling her to "take a big bite", "eat more vegetables", "eat fast, be an example, or her sister will learn from you".
Later, I communicated with my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law also tried to control herself, but it still couldn't work, and my mother-in-law only said one sentence, just like the conditions happened, and immediately prepared to cry.
Why is that? Because Lifelike already has a psychological expectation of "dinner table + grandma". At the dinner table, as long as the mother-in-law said a word, all the memories in her heart began to rush out uncontrollably, regardless of whether it actually happened or not.
How to solve it later? We have a meal sharing system.
Before eating, she packed her own food, packed the dishes, and then went down to the small table to eat, of course, she wanted to go back to the big table. It's amazing that she is happy eating now, and occasionally picky eaters, but it is really much better than before, at least when eating, no longer crying and crying.
The child is crying and getting angry, which is actually a signal that he is asking for help. If the root cause is not cured, the back can only be extended to "Didn't I say it last time?" "How many times have you said that, still like this?" If there is such a dialogue, it shows that the problem has not been resolved and that we must continue to work hard.
"I know you're angry", this sentence is actually very perfunctory!
I also read a lot of books on parent-child communication in the beginning. Regarding emotional control, everyone must have been exposed to a word "empathy.". Probably means that you have to understand the other person and accept the other person's emotions before the other party is willing to open your heart. That's true, but it didn't go well at first:
"I know you're angry."
"You think it's fair, don't you?"
You see, these are standard conversations. The child may be able to accept it at first, but trying it a few more times will have no effect, because the child has found out that you are just going through the process! That's right. Every time it's these few words, you don't really care, you don't really care about me! So, the child starts saying: You go out, I don't want to hear you say!
Why is that? Because we think of empathy as a very standard form. But forget that the premise of empathy is "attention". You have to really pay attention to each other.
"You're really angry this time, you see, your eyes are red."
"You rarely cry like this, crying with your head on your back, because you are crying so hard that you can't breathe!"
When I add some of the details I observe, my daughter will slowly calm down because, she knows that you really care about her.
Read more books!
Many people say that it is useless to read emotional management books, and it is useless to read emotional picture books to children. My experience is that it's not useless, it's not seeing enough. As far as adults are concerned, a book that you can really gain a knowledge is very powerful. When you look at it again, some knowledge points seem to be similar, and the more you look at it, the deeper the understanding, and then you suddenly realize: this is so!
Children also have to read a lot of books. For example, recently Erbao read "Mom, I'm really angry", he knew that it was wrong to throw away the toy when he was angry, and now when she lost the toy, I naturally put the toy away, put it in the box, and gave it to her the next day, she was completely acceptable. Including her sister Lifelike, she also accepted this way.
My family's emotional picture book
For example, the 2 daughters are now angry, crying, and very accustomed to counting, especially Erbao, this calm method is very useful to her, and this method is known before reading "Bye Bye, Bad Emotions".
Of course, they also know how to jump rope, drink water, take a deep breath, and so on. They will even help each other calm down. None of this can be done by one or two painting books.
There's a saying: When you only have a hammer, you see all the problems are nails. Techniques do not pressure the body, emotional processing methods, too, more learning is always right.
Write on the back
It's true that children can get problems easily, but if we let it go, we become problematic – followed by emotional out-of-control.
Solving children's emotional problems is very complicated, but as long as we are diligent, don't be lazy, don't always think about once and for all, we can always get better and better. Home and everything, the new year, I hope everyone can handle the emotions well, a whole year is peaceful, it is very happy!
Happy New Year, I am vivid and beautiful. Good at in-depth interpretation of picture books, there are 2 babies, and I also love to share my parenting experience! Welcome to follow me.