introduction
Regarding emotional problems, it is actually a clichéd problem, but this problem is still plaguing many parents until today, and emotional problems will inevitably affect the growth of children if they are not handled properly.
From a physiological point of view, people's emotions are innate, the stress response produced by the body's subconscious. Most of us are faced with stimuli from the outside world that are beyond our psychological capacity, and emotions will appear quickly. Objectively speaking, this is a normal phenomenon.
It is said that emotional processing is not easy, but in fact, the button to grasp emotions has always been in our own hands, and the key lies in whether we have really learned how to reasonably control the emotional buttons. Properly dealing with your own bad emotions is a psychology course that both parents and children need to learn.
01 Bad emotions upset the mental balance and make people stop talking well
Our parents in the daily learning and life of the child, it is inevitable to see the child's inappropriate behavior, or is not in line with the requirements of our parents, in this case, parents will naturally educate and guide the child, which is a normal thing, but the problem is that many parents with the bad emotions that follow to break the balance of mentality, so that parents although trying to control emotions, but still can not help but write bad emotions on the face, and even appear verbal scolding and hands-on discipline on the child.
When the parent's mood becomes bad, it is easy to lose the ability to talk well with the child, the subconscious and the instinct of parental authority will drive the parents to vent to the children, which forms a bad emotions transmission chain, and aggressive language is the main carrier of the entire bad emotions transmission chain, the result is that the parents themselves are not in good mood, the child's emotions are not good, and then the whole family atmosphere becomes tense.
If the child is in such a negative environment for a long time, how can he get better growth? Because he is bound to allocate a lot of energy to digest and fight against the bad emotions of his parents, and cannot devote all his energy to solving the current problems of learning.
02 The way emotions are processed can be controlled
In years of educational practice, I have found that in families where children are usually emotionally stressed, children often have situations such as not listening carefully to lectures in class, poor learning concentration, and obvious decline in grades.
Relevant education research confirms that in families that create an emotional atmosphere for children to feel safe, their learning ability is more prominent. Conversely, if the family is always filled with an unsafe emotional atmosphere, then the child will have no intention of learning.
Although emotions exist objectively, especially for people who are more impatient, it is indeed difficult to control emotions, but this does not mean that they cannot deal with their emotions, that is, emotional expression can be regulated.
When parents have bad emotions because of some of their children's bad performance, they may wish to give themselves a positive emotional pause, choose other ways to release emotions, and then solve the problem with their children after they feel better.
03 Press the "Emotional Pause Button" in four steps to open the child's heart knot
If we expect to use emotional outbursts to solve children's problems, most of them will be disappointed, and even affect the construction of a good parent-child relationship.
From the child's point of view, when he encounters a problem that he is difficult to solve, if his parents give him trust, support and help, the effect of solving the problem in the end will definitely be better than simple criticism, reprimand and accusation.
When parents find out the problems in their children, before the emotional outburst, the first step is to immediately press the "emotional pause button" to ensure that they can communicate with their children in a rational and peaceful way, and really focus on the solution of the problem, rather than complicating the problem, let alone arbitrarily venting emotions.
We can set up an "emotional pause corner" in our home in advance, where we can put some books, snacks, or other items that we like, as long as they allow us to relax effectively. Of course, we can also help the child establish an "emotional pause angle" that is exclusive to him.
So, how do we parents press the "emotional pause button"? I recommend following these four steps:
Step 1: Detect bad emotions. Tell the child that he is very angry and sad now;
Step 2: Summarize the cause of the behavior. Tell the child that this is my own problem and I will deal with it;
Step Three: Deal with bad emotions. Go to the "emotional pause corner" to calm your own state of mind;
Step 4: Confirmation of security. Tell your child that when you feel better, I will come back and work with you to solve the problem.
When we learn how to pause emotions, we realize more quickly than before what we are doing and what kind of results our actions of regulating bad emotions will lead to.
Through the above four steps, we can open the child's heart knot, find the reasons and motivations behind the child's behavior, and give the correct way to deal with it.
Only when our parents' own emotions calm down, we can rationally communicate with children and provide valuable educational help for children, rather than blindly criticizing and reprimanding children, which will not help solve the problems of children, and will gradually drift away from our original intentions in education.
Many times, even if we only change a little, the development of the situation will be a different situation, parents and children can reduce and avoid a lot of unnecessary trouble and even conflict.
epilogue
I believe that most parents in the discipline of children, are hoping to guide children to learn to solve problems on their own, rather than using their own bad emotions to make children feel afraid and afraid, this bad result is not our parents' inner thoughts.
And parents learn emotional suspension is a big "weapon" to break the deadlock in family education and enhance the family atmosphere, and children will go further on the road of growth with our help!