What is inferiority?
In his book Inferiority and Transcendence, the master of psychology Adler wrote:
"Each of us has different degrees of inferiority, but the way and degree of expression are different. Because we all want to make ourselves better and make ourselves a better life. Every time you are lost, you are actually inferior. ”
The same is true for children with low self-esteem, their manifestations are different, but they are essentially the same, and they are all deeply disapproved of by a child.
1
The child sends these 3 signals,
It shows that you are raising a child with low self-esteem
Too sensible and flattering
"Sensible" as a positive word never seems to have been questioned, but there are some "sensible" to be wary of!
Children who are too well-behaved and sensible often have these kinds of performances: they do not rely on their own preferences, and they all look at the faces of adults; they are pleasing to adults everywhere and have sensible things that do not match their ages.
Behind such "understanding" is a deep fear, fear of losing the love of parents and parents, and a sense of inferiority that is not worthy of being loved.
2
Too shy and afraid of being ugly
Afraid to make eye contact with others, talk quietly and timidly, and do things bottomlessly, there is a concept in psychology called "social hierarchy theory", which holds that your inner behavior and feelings usually depend on your perception of your social status.
Why do children behave this way? Afraid that others will not welcome him, so he does not dare to take the initiative to participate; he does not have confidence in himself, so he is afraid of being ugly; he thinks that he is not good enough, so others will not like him!
3
Excessive jealousy and demeaning of others
Wu Zhihong, a famous psychological counselor, once said: "People who are jealous, their happiness is not based on their own continuous efforts, but on comparison with others." ”
Parents in the usual education too much pursuit of perfection, harsh, do not recognize the child, will lead to children appear inferiority psychology, when encountering people better than themselves, their jealousy will be harmful, but also will be degrading behavior of others.
The above signs have occurred in many children, what causes children's inferiority complex?
What kind of family,
It will cause the child's inferiority complex
Families who often "cry poor"
Not long ago, I saw a case: a father took his son to KFC to buy a children's meal, and when he sat down to eat, the father said a word to his 7- and 8-year-old son:
"When you eat this meal, it cost me half a day's hard work."
At that moment, the child bowed his head and silently chewed on the long-awaited delicacy. At that moment, this meal was very heavy for the child, and the child understood the educational significance hidden in his father's words.
Diligence and thrift are the virtues of the Chinese nation, but everything is too late, many parents in order to cultivate the habit of frugality from an early age, often "cry poor" in front of their children, or do not give their children pocket money, do not buy things for their children and so on.
As everyone knows, such a way will make the child have an "inferiority" mentality in his heart, because the "poor thought" instilled by his parents unconsciously produces a feeling of "inferiority" in his heart, which affects normal social relations.
Families who often "taunt children"
Many parents are happy to compare and like to taunt their children when they come home:
"Learning is so bad, it's fun to play!"
This is a mantra that many parents like, but we don't know that our seemingly careless ridicule will hurt the child's young mind and thus be unconfident.
The establishment of children's self-confidence is not overnight, and destroying children's self-confidence sometimes only needs to say a word.
Parents who like to mock their children can easily force their children into the abyss of inferiority, low self-esteem, and depression.
Families who often "compare children"
There is no harm in not comparing.
[Other people's children] is a curse that many children cannot solve in their lifetime.
In the variety show "Teenagers Say", the girl Yuan Jingyi has long lived in the pain of being dominated by "other people's children".
She has a bully girlfriend who is excellent in all aspects, so her mother always says: "You see your grades are so poor, why would she be friends with you?" ”
Always compete with the child's imperfections, compared with the shortcomings of other children' children, the slow child will only see his own shortcomings, feel no love and encouragement, and his confidence will slowly decline.
Educate children with love and encouragement,
Children are often able to compete with inferiority
Every child will encounter inferiority on the road to growth.
The famous British educator Spencer once said: "A single applause to a child is worth a hundred reprimands." Cheers and encouragement can get children with low self-esteem out of the mud. ”
The love and encouragement of parents is a good medicine for children's growth. Children who grow up in loving families are more confident, sufficient, and empowered.
May every parent express their love and care for their children in an appropriate way. May every child not have to be denied, limited, or hurt.