Some time ago, a news that shocked people was that in recent months, a woman in Wuhan took her life to sue the owner who walked the dog without a leash because of the dog falling from the building. I've also read some news reports, and in this I don't discuss who's right and who's wrong, I believe that laws and institutions will give fair results, and here I want to talk about things related to the psychological level.
Personally, I think that this tragedy stems from the projection of the hostility between us and each other
First of all, let's understand, what is mental projection?
People who have not been exposed to psychology have a hard time understanding the concept of projection and do not know what it means.
"Projection" refers to the individual's personality characteristics such as his thoughts, attitudes, wishes, emotions, and personality, unconsciously attributing themselves to external things or the characteristics of others. In popular language, psychological projection refers to the fact that when people do not know the situation of others (such as personality, likes and dislikes, desires, concepts, etc.), they often like to project their own ideas onto each other, subjectively believing that the other party has the same thoughts as themselves. That is to say, people always like to infer that others have the same psychological tendencies as themselves, and that some of their own ideas will also be had by others, which is actually a subjective assumption.
Tell you a story that everyone is familiar with, and let's understand the meaning of projection
Su Dongpo was one of the eight masters of the Tang and Song dynasties, and was good friends with the Buddhist monks.
One day, Su Dongpo learned zazen from the Buddha Seal Master.
At the beginning, Su Dongpo also felt nothing, and after a while he felt bored. Look at the Buddha Seal Master, who is still sitting steadily, with an extremely calm expression and a single-minded chanting of the sutra.
Suddenly, a strange thought jumped into Su Dongpo's mind, and he wanted to provoke the master.
So, Su Dongpo broke the silence and asked master Buddha, "What is the shape of my meditation?" ”
The Buddha Seal replied, "I see you as a golden Buddha." Then the Buddha Seal asked Su Dongpo in turn, "What do I meditate like?" ”
Su Dongpo wanted to provoke the master and deliberately said, I see you like a bunch of. ”
After hearing this, master Buddha Seal did not show a look of anger, but still had a calm heart.
Su Dongpo returned home and proudly told Su Xiaomei: Little sister, when I sat in meditation today, I took advantage of the Buddha Seal Master, he saw me meditating like a golden Buddha, and I saw him meditating like a pile of. ”
After hearing this, Su Xiaomei laughed and said shamefully: Brother, you are wrong, people who have Buddhas in their hearts look at others as Buddhas, and people with in their hearts look at others as. ”
Su Dongpo suddenly realized after being reminded, his face was red, and he was ashamed.
The projection effect is easy to trap people in the subjective world, thus affecting people's correct understanding of the objective world.
Just like the owner of the dog and the woman who jumped off the building, the relationship between each other has a hostility, the reason why the hostility will occur, is because one party projected threatening stabs themselves, at this time the parties will either have fear, or anger, or both at the same time, in short, the projected threatening information will provoke a person's great emotional reaction, if the other party's threat is 10 points, then the emotional response is often 10 points, watch the news I learned that the owner of the jumping building was once hurt by the dog when he was very young, It's not hard to see why the reaction was so intense, because the trauma made her think that a dog without a leash was a threat to her, but the owner of the dog walk didn't know about her experiences as a child.
At the same time, the owner of the dog walk I guess in the life clock is a relatively lack of recognition of the person, need to be paid attention to and affirmed, when someone denies her dog walking behavior, persuade his behavior, she will shoot into her own disapproval, then the owner of the dog will also project her hostility because of this emotion.
One is the lack of external security and the projection of hostility,
One is the hostility projected by the lack of external recognition, which eventually leads to tragedy.
The fundamental reason why others project hostility at you is very simple is because you have a lot of hostility buried in your heart. If there is no hostility in your mind, then the projection of hostility will be completely ineffective.
In fact, the world is the epitome of everyone, and the projection effect narrows people's ideological horizons and makes everything narrow, which can easily lead to the view of things staying in their own inner environment. Cognition lacks objectivity, and this phenomenon can easily cause interpersonal tension.
If we have more patience with ourselves, more patience with each other, try to stand in each other's point of view, feel what they feel, think about what they think, then it is easy to understand him, then there will be different emotions, in fact, the world is not as bad as you think, the people in this world are not as bad as you think. Of course, some of the relevant systems that restrict walking dogs are needed, because there are some guidelines that run in the rules, which can reduce the projection of emotions in people and manage them.
I remember, once, I took the subway back, the carriage was very crowded, next to a friend who was slightly higher in altitude, his arm holding the railing always touched my head, the backpack always touched me, and what annoyed me even more was that he always stepped on my shoes... When I was about to explode, I looked down and saw that his whole foot was tiptoeing up, and then I looked up, and he grabbed the armrest hard to try not to touch me, his head was sweating, and when he saw me looking at him, he smiled apologetically at me... I was instantly relieved and moved to the side, letting him drop his foot.
You see that the malice you think may not be deliberately done by others, but from different angles, we feel differently.
In life, such scenes abound, sometimes let us have the illusion that the whole world is against you, and even more or extremely sensitive people feel that all the actions of the people around us are aimed at ourselves, in fact, everything is just our illusion, life is not so complicated, complex is only our own heart.