Hello everyone. Not long ago, we launched a discussion about "what factors do you think you must consider when choosing a partner". At first, I was a little worried, afraid that everyone would invariably mention some universal "good qualities", so that the content would inevitably be repeated. outcome! The fans' replies surprised and surprised me!
Without further ado, let's take a look at everyone's answers.
01 "Good location"
I think I have to be a temperamental person. Because temperament is an important embodiment of a person's ability to teach and learn, it is impossible to pretend for a while and a half.
02 "Respect from the bottom of the heart"
I think it's respect, respect in the eyes of the heart. I think that no matter what the environment in which two people grew up and what the family conditions are, there will always be differences. Respect the differences between the other person and you, even if they are not likeable hobbies (except for bad habits of course).
I once met a crush who really liked it, but he would deny all my hobbies. For example, I like to do handicrafts, after doing it will send a circle of friends, he has never liked, and even mocked. His other hobbies, my height, and even my appearance, which I thought were good, were rejected by him. This constant suppression is really suffocating, and in the end, I will start to despise all his hobbies and behaviors.
Later, I also went on a blind date many times. After contact, the real hand that can respect women can be counted, and the partners who can really respect each other are really too rare.
03 "Safe"
safe. To be aware of and avoid any type of violence, physical violence, sexual violence is completely unacceptable.
04 "I can see your emotions"
Pick someone who can see your emotions and support you. After all, a guy who cries when you collapse and cry and says, "What's so good about crying," is really devastating.
05 "I want to be on it"
One of the most important factors is that when you see this person, you want to go to him (it is so simple and direct)!
In fact, the body's reaction has told you that you like this person, then don't be shy, contact each other more, confirm the character, and when there is no problem with the basic economic conditions, you can be bold together! (Of course, the time of the relationship still depends on the individual, and it must be protected.) ）
06 "Good fight"
When looking for a partner, the first thing I considered was that I could really turn the page after the fight.
I used to have a very matchmate, and we started on campus and went all the way to talk about marriage. We never quarreled during this time and were proud of it. However, it is impossible for two people to get along without contradictions and quarrels, and when we had the first fierce dispute, he proposed to break up, on the grounds that we felt that our perfect relationship had been broken and could not go back to the beginning.
Later, I also had several relationships, and it was difficult to deal with the problem of "quarrel". However, I think that good feelings are not not quarrels, but that after arguing, you can solve the problem calmly and let the quarrel turn over, so that you can go further together.
07 "Nice guy who looks good"
Good looking good guys —
Good looks, that is, to be attractive to yourself on the outside, and not to look like love beans;
To be a good person is to be kind and warm, to have a gentleness of warmth, to all people, not just to partners. In this way, his love for you will not be the determinant of whether he will treat you kindly.
08 "Completed the Mbti and Type 9 Personality Tests"
First of all, I need to submit the results of the MBTI and Type 9 personality test to me, and answer the test paper including 8 multiple choice questions, 5 fill-in-the-blank questions, 3 short answer questions and 2 material analysis questions, covering life common sense, logical reasoning, position bottom line and life planning, and those who score more than 70 can enter the re-examination. (Editor: Whoops? ）
09 "Beware of the Factor of Obsession"
I think when choosing a partner, we need to distinguish between two things, you need to know what type of person is the person who attracts you and what type of talent is the right person for you.
When choosing, give priority to those you like and that suit you, and if he is attracted and suitable for you, of course it is good. But be wary of people who are fascinating but can't bring you what you need in your relationship (like I need security and loyalty in my relationship, but the type of person who often attracts me doesn't have both). And attraction may translate into liking and loving, but it doesn't equal liking and loving. People who over-attract you are likely to have some personality traits that you lack, but friends need to distinguish whether this person can really bring you the needs you want in the relationship, and people who can't meet your needs in the relationship usually have a hard time giving you happiness.
10 "Not demeaning women"
Choose someone who doesn't belittle other women in order to cater to you. For example, you won't say bad things about your ex-girlfriend in front of you, you won't chew the root of other women's tongues, you won't listen to other people's things, and you won't make particularly exciting comments.
11 "His Attitude Towards His Family"
1. Look at his attitude towards his family, because one day you will become his family too. (Editor: Makes sense)
2. Looking at his moral consciousness, if the moral boundaries are very vague, frequently breaking and re-establishing their own bottom lines and principles, we must pay more attention. (Editor: Good and reasonable)
3. Look at his sense of responsibility and responsibility, and whether he will self-reflect when a problem occurs, rather than repeatedly shirking responsibility. (Editor: Kneeling)
12 "Eat Together"
I feel that it should be a person who is really good at heart first, which is the most basic, and you can't ignore the natural characteristics of a person just because they are beautiful or feel very fit.
Secondly, I feel that two people are going to be able to "eat together." Food culture actually has a great impact on a person, no matter how you eat, attitude, etc. you can find something through "eating". People take food as the sky, people can not do without chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea after all, can eat together is a great happiness. If you can eat together, you can imagine that when you are old, no matter how stormy it is outside the house, and inside the house are two people looking at each other and smiling, and the beautiful scene of life together. The person who can go to the end hand in hand must be the person who can eat together
Finally, I think it should be the person you can change for, and he can change for you. The so-called soul mate now seems to have become everyone's mantra, and although it is important for the three views to be consistent with the soul, people are independent individuals after all, and some aspects are always different. If at the beginning there are always some contradictions because they fit together, then it is easy for the relationship to break down. However, this two-way rush is more difficult. It's good to be able to meet the first two!
13 "Courage and Sincerity"
Lonely and sincere, good communication, part of the spirit fits part of the life complementary.
14 "Four Young People"
Fourth, there are young people: there is morality, discipline, ideals, and culture.
Thanks to the party organization for helping me determine the criteria for choosing a mate. (Editor: respect)
Having morality means that he has a basic view of right and wrong;
Having discipline means that he has a certain sense of rules and abilities;
Having ideals means that he has a direction, a goal and a self-motivated spirit;
Having a culture means that he is not ignorant, has the ability to think independently, and has the possibility of equal communication.
15 "Pleasant and pleasant"
Don't be wronged yourself, don't think that ugly looks will be kinder, no, so you still have to choose what you see.
16 "Better Self"
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I am very happy.
He used to be a good friend of mine, and I felt like I would never think about him, and by chance, we were both together. He once sent me the lyrics: "I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend"
This is probably one of the most important points I think is to achieve a happy intimate relationship, you are not only close lovers, but also the closest friends. You can always be yourself, and meeting the right person will not only keep you a better person, but more importantly, you can see a better version of yourself in his eyes.
17 "Marriage is a righteous spirit"
Now many people overestimate fun, thinking that fun is an important criterion for life. However, I still recommend that you pay attention to some of the kernel qualities of people. For example, whether he is a kind person with good character, taking care of his family, and being enthusiastic about his friends. Because of a lifetime of companionship, it is important that you can give you strength and support in times of danger, rather than talking to you when you are happy. Fun is a plus, but not a necessity. Based on these foundations, what follows is whether your ideas and values are on the same level, and that when you look into the distance, he can understand the desires in your heart. In addition to love, marriage is also a kind of righteousness.
18 "Character"
Character first. It won't push you into a desperate situation after a breakup.
19 "Love and Power"
I particularly liked Carl Jung's quote: "When love dominates everything, power ceases to exist; when power dominates everything, love disappears." Power and love are mutually exclusive and will never coexist. ”
Some people may not understand that the shadow of each other is not equivalent to being inseparable? In fact, it is not, many seemingly inseparable, but in fact, only one party is really absolute. It is precisely because on the surface, love and power are always entangled, coupled with the various labels created in modern film and television works to cater to the public's preferences, which will cause the public to mistakenly think that "I love you" means "I give you the right to hurt me".
In fact, to find a partner who respects each other, the phrase may become "I love you, which means I am willing to respect you." And the closeness with you is not even allowed to intervene. ”
20 "Love the World"
It's more important than loving me enough, loving the world enough.
The author says:
After reading the reply, Xiaobian felt that everyone said it was very reasonable and benefited a lot. However, it is precisely because everyone says it makes sense, but it makes me a little confused: in the face of so many "golden words", how do we distinguish what is the most suitable for ourselves and the factors to consider when choosing a partner?
One submission seemed to give me the answer. She says that everyone considers different factors when choosing a partner, and that's something that varies from person to person. And her standards are taught to her by those "failed" love experiences.
For example, her first love made her understand that girls must have a bottom line and cannot find someone who sacrifices others in order to satisfy their vanity; the second relationship makes her clear that two people should be "equal" and have the same vision; the third relationship makes her understand the importance of the three views, otherwise it is difficult to last... She attributed these "failed" experiences to "love education", through which she constantly clarified her needs and expectations for future partners.
Therefore, the above "experiences of people who have come over" may really serve as a reference for us when choosing a partner, but they are only a reference. For the future other half, what you care about most and what you need most can only be slowly clarified through your own experience and summary.
This answer may still be a little vague now, and perhaps it will continue to change in the future. But I believe that must be the most suitable condition for you to choose a mate.
Today's Interaction: The considerations for choosing a partner mentioned in the article, which one poked you? What do you think is most important when choosing a partner? Come and show your point in the comments section!!