Psychology "gas lamp effect" is hotly discussed, parents may also become their children's "gas lamp people"?

Beijing, December 24 news Of the Central Radio and Television Corporation, the Voice of China "News Hyperlink", recently, a psychological term entered the public eye and rushed to the hot search. The word is "gas lamp." In psychology, the gas lamp effect or gas lamp manipulation is related to psychological manipulation and emotional control.

What is the "gas lamp effect"? Is it the same as PUA (Pick-up Artist)? How to identify the routine of emotional manipulation? Is emotional manipulation deliberate? In the parent-child relationship, how can parents avoid becoming "gas lamp people"?

What is the "gas lamp effect"?

The "gaslight effect" refers to an emotional control and a "two-person tango" composed of two parties. The concept dates back to a 1944 film directed by American director George Cook, Under the Gaslight. In order to obtain the property inherited by the heroine Paula, the male protagonist anton in the film creates the illusion that his wife is crazy through hints and other means, so that she doubts herself and reality, and finally completely attaches herself to herself spiritually.

Tang Yicheng, secretary general of the China Psychological Emergency Volunteer Service Team and executive deputy director of the Beijing Zhongke popularization Mental Health Promotion Center, pointed out that among them, one of the conveniences who play the role of "manager" is the "gas lamp person". "Gaslight people, as manipulators, usually deliberately distort the facts, or selectively delete them, or directly instill some false information into each other."

The gas lamp person destroys the memory, cognition and mental state of the manipulated person, and even the self-worth, resulting in the manipulated person gradually not knowing the reality clearly, losing independent judgment, and finally can only rely on the controller.

The emotionally manipulated party is usually afraid of conflict and isolation, eager to get the approval of others to confirm their self-worth, and they are willing to do anything to get this recognition.

According to Tang Yicheng, some surveys have found that women are slightly more likely to be manipulated by emotions than men: "Women value emotions more or value whether a person has empathy."

Of course, not everyone who encounters the so-called "gas lamp people" will inevitably fall into a state of being controlled, and people with a more sound personality, a stable sense of self-worth, and a stable level of self-esteem are usually not easily affected and manipulated.

Is it the same as PUA (Pick-up Artist)?

Both the "gaslight effect" and PUA (Pick-up Artist) belong to emotional control, and Tang pointed out that the essence and principle of the two are the same, but the fields of their application are different.

The original meaning of PUA is "hooking up with artists", through the means of psychological manipulation to build relationships. The "gaslight effect" can be further extended to friends, colleagues, partners, and family members who get along day and night, and more often than not, it appears in the relationship establishment stage.

How do you brake a car that is emotionally manipulated?

How to light up the "gas lamp radar" and identify the routine of the gas lamp person in time to identify bad signals? Tang Yicheng suggested that if the other party has the following 10 behaviors or we ourselves have these feelings in a relationship, we need to be vigilant.

1. Question yourself repeatedly. I am happy with others myself, but when I am with him/her, I always feel that I am not doing a good job.

2. You are always apologizing to him/her.

3. You start to wonder why there are some wonderful things in life, but you are not happy enough.

4. When you buy things for yourself, only consider his/her preferences and ignore yourself.

5. You often make excuses for him/her in front of family and friends.

6. You can't even make up your mind about simple things, ask him/her for advice.

7. You and he/she should also think twice when chatting in normal times, for fear of saying the wrong thing.

8. Before he/she comes home, you will think back to what you did wrong that day.

9. You start to feel like you're being blamed for doing anything wrong; if you have kids, kids are starting to protect you in front of him/in front of them.

10. You start to get angry with people you've always been happy with, your mood is getting worse and worse, and some of your other relationships are starting to disintegrate.

Are the "gas lamp people" all deliberate?

Tang Yicheng said that this is often an "unintentional" move.

Just like the "Cold War" after the quarrel, the complaint of "you are still a man" in life, to some extent, this kind of "stealth attack" is more deadly.

"Some 'gas lamp people' may never notice that their behavior has produced negative effects, but they can clearly perceive their strong impulse to control others", Tang Yicheng introduced, for example, some parents habitually suppress their children when communicating with their children on a daily basis, denying their children's feelings, cognition and judgment, so that children have an abnormal psychological attachment from an early age, thinking that they have to listen to their parents for everything, and what they do is wrong, so as to fully accept the parents' arrangements.

How can parents avoid the "gas lamp effect"?

The "gaslight effect" is common in all intimate relationships. Tang Yicheng pointed out that as a parent, there are four criteria for avoiding becoming a "gas lamp person": one is that someone loves; the second is to be able to love people; the third is to have something to do, and to have a career and a job, which also has a stable sense of value; fourth, there is hope and positive imagination for the future. These four points determine that parents can become people with sound personality and positive mentality, and people with positive mentality are not easy to become "gas lamp people".

Producer: Liang Yue

Reporters: Liu Fei, Yang Ran

Editors: Yang Yang, Pan Yuwei