Chenhuan/Author
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Although the recent Wang Lihong incident has become the big melon at the end of 2021, there are still many details in the long article of his ex-wife Li Lianglei that are worth exploring.
Among them, in the first long article of Li Liangleifa, it was mentioned that she had been mentally abused and coldly violent by her husband and his family for a long time, but at first we all ignored what this mental abuse was and thought it was very simple, but in the subsequent response of Wang Lihong, it was mentioned that his ex-wife Li Lianglei had mental illness and he had been threatened by her for a long time, and the psychologist's recording as evidence; finally Li Lianglei had to release the psychologist's proof, which showed that Wang Lihong had sexual addiction and narcissistic personality problems.
And that reminds me of an old movie, Gaslight.
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"Gaslight Man" in the movie
This movie is a black and white suspense film in 1940, roughly about the heroine who has obtained a large inheritance because of the unexpected death of her aunt, so the male protagonist pursues the heroine in order to obtain her property, but finally turns her into a "mental illness" and sends her to a mental hospital.
After the male protagonist established a love relationship with the female protagonist, he deliberately made strange movements in the daily life of the two people, hid the things she put away, and then moved his hands and feet on the gas lamp at home to make it flicker on and off, and whenever the female protagonist asked questions, the male protagonist pretended to be normal, distorting the female protagonist's cognition of reality, and by constantly suggesting that the female protagonist and the people around her, she had mental problems and even hallucinations. In the end, the female protagonist was unable to bear the long-term mental abuse, from self-doubt to really losing her mind to becoming a "mentally ill person" and was sent to the hospital, while the male protagonist received a large inheritance.
The concept of "gas lamp effect" is also generated by this movie, which refers to the purpose of brainwashing through long-term denial of each other's words and deeds and mental oppression, which can be said to be the founding father of PUA, but today's PUA is far less harmful than gas lamp manipulation.
Looking back at Li Lianglei's long text, the mental abuse denied by her husband, and her isolated social relationship, her husband's narcissistic personality, it can be confirmed that Li Lianglei's past married life has indeed become a spiritually manipulated "gas lamp person".
Narcissistic personality is often extremely controlling, coupled with a strong family, li Lianglei at that time is very likely to be considered mental illness by her husband's family, can not be confirmed by the outside world, under the control of Wang Lihong, she still thinks that she is saving him, so in the case of her husband repeatedly touching the bottom line, she still did not make up her mind to divorce and was unwilling to accept sunk costs.
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How gas lamp manipulation is carried out
Compared with today's PUA, the biggest feature of gas lamp manipulation is that it penetrates into every detail of life, which is a long-term process, like an ancient Chinese capital punishment - "water drop punishment", which binds you to a wooden bed, and just above the forehead will drop a drop of water every once in a while until you have a mental breakdown.
It doesn't seem to hurt, but it's a very powerful way.
If today's PUA is to achieve the effect of making you self-doubt by constantly denigrating and denying you, then gas lamp manipulation is to distort the facts and selectively delete them, the manipulator just inadvertently denies the facts you see, so that you begin to have self-doubt, and the manipulator then deepens your wrong cognition by determining your self-doubt, and then achieves the destruction of a person's value to the self and trust in himself, so that you must rely on the manipulator at his mercy.
Yes, gas lamp manipulation is a deliberate and unintentional, and the manipulator will also distort all your other social relations, isolating you from society to achieve the effect of trusting only the manipulator, which is often used in today's PUA.
There was a time before a certain tone of a video is very popular, that is, the time back play between couples to play a game, such as in the breakfast to call each other up to eat breakfast, the other party to sleep back to the cage after eating, and then every other period of time to let the other party get up to eat breakfast, the same breakfast the same scene the same emergency (memory point).
After a few repetitions, you will begin to doubt yourself, and this model also has similarities with gas lamp manipulation, which is actually very careful and frightening.
In the movie "Master of Hypnosis", we know that hypnosis relies on psychological cues, and the power of hypnosis itself to heal is very powerful; and there is a kind of hypnosis that is done through some small actions to complete the hints, and the gas lamp manipulation is very similar to such hypnotic behavior.
Imagine that psychological cues imply that we have some kind of mental illness pervade every detail of life, and I believe that in solid mental time, we cannot withstand this long-term mental abuse.
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The more likely it is for highly educated people to be PUA?
Li Songwei, a doctor of psychology at Peking University, once said in the "Round Table Sect" that people who are easy to be PUA are often highly educated people.
Dr. Li Songwei explained that because the education of authority deprives us of the instinct of anger, rejection and resistance under authority are not recognized, and obedience is the approved excellent student, and this is the easiest group of manipulators to attack.
Whether it is school education or family education, we are all taught that when we are criticized and denied or even humiliated, we must first think about whether we have not done a good job, and rebuttal and resistance will be regarded as strong words and proud and conceited, and labeled "can not listen to other people's words will never progress."
Why we are so easy to attack ourselves, because self-attack has become a habit, even if we do not need to be criticized by others will begin to "reflect", which also provides an opportunity for the manipulator to control us, they only need a little stimulation to constantly let us attack ourselves, constant internal friction we will be extremely weak in this relationship, the inequality of inner strength so that we can not be treated equally in the relationship.
Anger and anger itself is a self-defense mechanism, believing in our own intuition is our instinct, trust in ourselves, but the education we receive is an education that teaches us to be obedient and temperless self-attribution, which is actually detrimental to our physical and mental development.
Whether it is the gas lamp effect or today's PUA, everything that may cause harm to us needs to be vigilant, and we must establish our own sense of boundaries, believe in our feelings, and be angry and angry at injustice, not ashamed.
The world we live in is good, but there are also many dark corners, and only our own physical and mental strength can give ourselves strong protection.