I heard more than one mother complaining: every time I ask my child to do something, such as washing his hands and eating, helping to get something... Shout several times, especially when he's watching TV or playing, and you don't get angry, as if he'll never take care of you.
Why would a baby with a normal IQ suddenly "lose her hearing" and turn a deaf ear to our words? In general, there are several reasons that may be due to the following:
The child's attention span has not yet developed perfectly
In many people's understanding, attention = concentration, in fact, the scope of attention is wider, in psychology, attention has four qualities, including the breadth of attention, the stability of attention, the distribution of attention and the transfer of attention, which is a measure of a person's attention is good or bad. Due to imperfect brain development, these four aspects of children's attention are relatively poor.
The breadth of attention is how large the range of attention is, such as the same long list of numbers, the child with a better breadth can remember completely; the child with poorer breadth may only remember 2 or 3 numbers.
The stability of attention is what we often call concentration, that is, the ability to focus attention on a particular object and activity more steadily.
The distribution of attention, in layman's terms, is the ability to use both minds, such as entertainers singing and dancing at the same time. The toddler's ability to distribute attention is not good enough, and it is difficult to play with blocks while paying attention to whether anyone is calling him.
Distraction refers to a person's active and purposeful transfer of attention from one thing to another, for example, if you let the child turn off the TV and come to dinner immediately, he may be more abrasive.
Children often can't hear us calling him, and they can't do several things at the same time, in fact, it's not that they don't want to, the reality is that they haven't reached this level of development. With age, children's attention will gradually develop and improve, so we do not have to be too harsh when encountering some "deafness" phenomena in children.
Silent rebellion during the period of rebellion
Children around the age of three is the first leap in self-consciousness, until about 5 years old, we call it the "first rebellion period", they have a strong self-will, do not want to obey everywhere, always want to rebel against the authority of the parents, "shouted ignored" is one of the forms of resistance, especially when the adult attitude is more tough, it will further arouse their desire to resist.
Children do not develop regular habits of life
For example, when telling children to sleep and get up, shouting once should not, shouting twice should not, and even parents go to "please" in person, they are indifferent. This situation is likely to occur because the child's usual living habits are more casual, lazy, and irregular. Parents need to "think in the long run" from the perspective of cultivating their children's good habits, when good living habits are formed, you don't have to shout, he can do self-management.
So, what should parents do to change the child's "ten shouts nine should not" problem?
One
Call the child the right way
1. Avoid shouting in the air
Recall that we often do other things while shouting at our children? Can't see people, the child will feel that this matter is not urgent and unimportant, naturally not at ease. If possible, we should try to walk up to him, look him in the eye, say "xxx, look at mom", and when his attention turns, we will say things again, "We're going to eat, wash our hands", "Go downstairs to help mom bring a courier"... This not only respects the child, but also creates a certain amount of pressure on him.
2. Avoid being rambling
When the child is young, we should use concise language as much as possible when issuing instructions and making requests, and if we say too much and too complicated, the child will not be able to grasp the point. Some parents are very wordy, shouting that the child does not answer, will open the "mouth like a river" mode, "just know to watch TV, call to eat and ignore, how many times have you said, watching TV for a long time is not good for the eyes..." The child will only feel that you are counting him, completely forgetting what you call him.
3. Avoid condescending
I once heard a teacher in the field of education once say that it is better to face your child face to face than to stand shoulder to shoulder with him. If we stand face to face with the child and speak condescendingly to him, it is easy for the child to have a feeling of being commanded. If our tone is more severe, the child may be resistant, so when talking to the child, it is best to squat down, or sit next to him, and then say your request, the child will be more receptive.
4. Change the pattern to attract your child's attention
Children are more interested in new and strange things, compared with eating and writing homework every day, TV and games are more interesting and attractive, and they will naturally block out information that they are not interested in. At this time, parents can change a trick to attract their children's attention, such as eating, the habitual urging method is "turn off the TV, wash your hands and eat", but if we say something like "Come and see what your mother made today, you have never eaten Oh", the child is likely to be attracted to it.
Two
Make a small convention
If the child always consciously or unconsciously does not respond to the parents, you can make a small agreement with the child: after counting to 3, you must act immediately. Counting gives the child time to buffer, but it also creates a sense of urgency for them to act immediately. Of course, after the child changes his actions, it is best to ask the child why he did not hear his parents just now, let the child say what he thinks, after repeated communication, the child's "ten shouts nine should not" behavior will slowly decrease.
Three
Let the child bear the natural consequences
Sometimes, we make all kinds of efforts, the child is still going his own way, then we can try to let the child bear the consequences of "ignoring": "can't hear" adults call to eat, then bear the consequences of hunger; "can't hear" adults wake up, then bear the consequences of being late for school... When children experience the consequences of "ignoring it," they will increase their mobility the next time to avoid bad consequences.
"Disciple Rules" teaches children: "Parents call, should not slow down, parents order, do not be lazy", let the child listen to the words, the test is not only the child's listening and execution ability, but also the test of the parent-child communication ability, I hope that the above methods will help you deal with parent-child problems!
What do you think?