Xiao Wen's mother was ready to go out for a while. This means that I, a 21-year-old girl, will face a 20-year-old young man with autism alone.
Xiaowen's mother has been disciplined by her children, and she told Xiaowen: "You must keep your distance from your sister and not touch people's homes!" "It also seems like a reminder to me.
Just after my mother left, the room was quiet for a while, just listening to the potato fried meat in the pot, Xiaowen suddenly pulled up my hair, closed her eyes and smelled, and then touched my arms and thighs.
Despite my mental preparations, I was startled by instinct.
For Xiaowen, there are not many such embarrassing scenes. What worries my mother even more is that autistic people generally do not have a good interpersonal balance, and Xiaowen has also caused a lot of trouble at work.
He will not be able to control himself to touch the thighs of his colleagues, and he will almost lose valuable internship opportunities.
For others, he was just out of control for a moment. And my mother carefully disciplined her for 20 years.
Xiao Wen walked on the street, his head and hands would shake involuntarily, and wherever he went, strangers would cast curious glances.
In the beginning, Mom was not strong enough to ignore the strange eyes of strangers. She once "countered violence with violence" and wanted to remove these strange behaviors from the lives of mothers and children.
But every time, Xiao Wen's emotions would always bring down her mother. Helplessly, she always took her son to a nearby alley where no one was there, and let him vent freely.
Seeing her son's hands shaking and shouting loudly, the helplessness and heartache of that moment, she burst into tears whenever she thought of it.
Zhang Ailing once said: "If you knew me before, you might forgive me now." "So, I understand that Xiao Guan is actually not malicious, and he is also deliberately fighting against these uncontrolled behaviors."
He cooks coarse and fine, carefully cutting meat, hard-core stir-frying, and turning the spatula properly.
The stir-frying posture is much more than I can hold
A new friend
Xiaowen was the first autistic friend I knew.
I'm a college student, and I don't know much about autism before coming to Rice and Xiaomi for an internship. Even after 4 months of internship, I still feel like I'm separated from autism.
War photographer Robert Capa once said, "If you don't shoot well enough, it's because you're not close enough." "The same is true for writing articles. So, at the end of November, I went to Shenzhen and stayed with Xiaowen for 3 days.
I found that it was easy to get to know him, he was simple-minded, easy to open his heart, and eager to enter each other's world with ordinary people. Of course, it is not easy to get along with him as a normal friend.
The scene at the beginning of the article took place on the first day I met him. After his mother left, he took the spoon to make potato fried meat, and after making "impolite" behavior, he casually stir-fried vegetables.
Although I learned from his mother beforehand that these were his self-stimulating behaviors, I learned to be calm and try to understand and tolerate his behavior. Like the general public, I was shocked out of my guard against the opposite sex.
Xiaowen tries to fight against the flaws caused by autism. He whispered, "Sister, is it impolite to touch someone else?" I don't know why I can't control it..." Watching Xiao Wen's left hand press his right hand, trying to restrain himself. He couldn't control it, so he pinched his thigh.
Two days later, I said goodbye to him. He sat down next to me, put his hand on my shoulder, bowed his head, and said, I don't want you to go. His affection, sincerity and purity.
In just 3 days together, I found that the growth of this peer was struggling with every step. As an autistic person, Xiaowen's social performance is quite good.
He excitedly told me about the various activities he had attended and the friends he had met.
It is no secret that he has more WeChat friends than I am "social terror"
I have misunderstood autism
When I was in school, my class president directed and acted in a micro-movie featuring autistic people. This micro-film is not done well, and the students who have watched it all think that autistic people are just intellectually disabled people who can hum and chirp.
After coming to Rice and Xiaomi, I began to contact some special autistic people: Haifeng, who can shorthand staves and compete with Lang Lang on the same stage; Asperger Boy Taotao, who memorized more than 40 city subway map and played with programming at the age of 14... These outstanding island abilities led me to mistakenly think that autism was a strange aura of genius.
After being exposed to Xiaowen, I realized that the stigmatization and romanticization of autistic people are two extremes.
In the crowd of 20-year-old autistic young man Xiaowen, the external physiological development is no different from normal peers, 1 meter 8 standard head, there is a stubble around the lips, quite masculine.
But after only a few minutes of communication, his backward mind will be revealed. He's able to cope with everyday conversations, which is gratifying. But the average person talking to him is still nerve-wracking, and he will repeat a question like a Caton's computer, and he will coldly pop out a dirty word.
I didn't mind, but laughed. He couldn't be blamed for this, he didn't understand the meaning of these profanity. Of course, there are many more words and phrases that he misuses.
In addition to problems with understanding, he also suffers losses in expression and is often bullied.
The glasses that the classmate put on the table were missing, and the milk in front of the lingju's house was stolen... The behavior of human character, large and small, the people around them will first blame the slightly strange, stupid and innocent Xiaowen.
Some things are light and breezy for others, but they are unforgettable for mother and son. Once, after the class had just changed seats, the stereotypical Xiaowen was still sitting in his original position, and was mistaken by the new owner for stealing.
What is even more helpless is that he was originally innocent, and when he encountered others saying that he stole something, he did not understand what "stealing" was.
"He repeated other people's words and said he was stealing." Xiaowen's mother said bitterly that she could bear any grievance herself, but every time the child encountered discrimination and injustice, she had an extra deep mark in her heart.
Autistic families are forced to grow up in the midst of all sorts of misconceptions.
Since the age of 13, Xiaowen has insisted on keeping a diary every day to record what happened that day. Even if he is bullied, he will still end with "Today is another beautiful day". The picture above is a good book of Xiaowen, and it can be seen that he is trying to control his emotions.
He's weird and well-behaved
One of the things that pleased her mother was that Xiaowen had learned to cook.
That day, Xiaowen just returned from internship and saw me very enthusiastically, he didn't even change his work clothes, and sat next to me and looked at me curiously.
He was very happy, pulled out his mobile phone and added me WeChat, and warmly invited me to dinner and taste his cooking skills.
This "chef" has grown up. In May last year, Xiaowen attended a summer camp in his hometown and stayed in the temple for three months.
The difficult and primitive life in the mountains has always tested him: living in a simple tent, walking the mountain road to pick up domestic water, working in the countryside, eating vegetarian food, and enduring mosquito bites.
Although he did not learn to complain about this high-order expression, his performance always made his mother proud. He can not only gradually integrate into the collective, but also live and cook to serve everyone.
She recalled that on a rainy night, the people of the temple went down the mountain to go home. Xiao Wen's mother needs to take care of her sick old father, it is windy and rainy outside, and she can't go up the mountain in a hurry, so she has to call to comfort Xiao Wen.
Unexpectedly, the son on the other end of the phone was emotionally stable and stayed alone all night. And that night, even the temple dogs were moved down the mountain.
A glittering autistic children like this are still trapped in interpersonal interactions, and even small things like going to school are exhausted.
Work hard, work hard in solitude
In order to receive a normal education like ordinary children, Xiaowen's family moved from urban primary school to rural primary school, and after entering ordinary middle school, they were bullied by their classmates and snubbed by teachers.
In order to better integrate, the mother and son temporarily left their hometown 5 years ago and moved to Shenzhen, where they were unaccompanied.
The only thing a mother and son without any resources can do is work hard. Xiao Wen took one step at a time, went to junior college, and found an internship position in the shelter workshop.
This is inseparable from the efforts of the mother. In addition to daily care and intervention, every Wednesday, mother and son run 10 kilometers.
I'm excited to try. I didn't chase my boyfriend so hard that year, and after following for hundreds of meters, I was far behind by Xiaowen.
In the past three years, Xiaowen has participated in 6 half marathons and won 6 medals. He cherished these medals, and they were all affirmations of his efforts.
In terms of caring for his family, he can also leave his peers far behind. Xiao Wen's grandfather is old, suffering from diabetes, breathing difficulties and puffiness for many years, and it is very difficult to do movements.
Xiao Wen's mother took good care of him, but she still couldn't do it perfectly. Xiaowen is not too dirty or tired, and takes the initiative to wait outside the toilet door for grandpa to clean up after going to the toilet, and also assumes the responsibility of helping him freshen up.
Because of his grandfather's mobility problems, Zhi Kai likes to affectionately call him "Old Fat Grandpa".
This photo is the last photo of Xiaowen and Grandpa before they died.
Although Xiaowen has autism, he does not like to be lonely and longs for someone to approach his world. When he was alone, he would flip through WeChat and send greetings to friends and parents. Sometimes he initiates a call, although he only asks the other party if a certain star is good at singing, but this is his unique way of communicating.
Mom, you can't get old too fast
I sometimes envy autistic children because they are special and can get meticulous care from their parents to help them solve various problems in their growth.
That kind of intimacy, that kind of dependence, is particularly evident in Xiaowen's mother and son.
Xiaowen asked her mother: "Mom, does your leg still hurt?" ”
Mom said, "You go to the assembly first, and I'll walk slowly." After you took cough medicine, did you get better? ”
In June this year, grandpa died of illness, in the face of life and death, the average person will think that autistic children are emotionally indifferent, they do not feel sad, it seems that it is not a bad thing.
But Xiaowen was very sad. When he knew that death meant never seeing someone again, he asked his mother:
"Mom, will you die too?"
"People experience death. So you have to learn to be independent..." Mom replied.
Xiao Wen nodded vigorously, as if he understood.
In order to let Xiaowen spend the rest of his life, leave a relative who can take care of him. Seven years ago, my mother was pregnant with a second child at the age of 42 and the risk of possibly getting pregnant with an autistic child. Unfortunately, she was too tired to do things at the time, and she was unable to save this fragile life.
Because of the differences in raising Xiaowen and other issues, Xiaowen's parents chose to divorce. Although she was disappointed in her marriage, she did not frustrate and was full of expectations for her son to start a family.
She knew that it might be difficult to find a normal girl to marry, because in terms of spirit, Xiaowen could never resonate.
Maybe he could find someone with the same mental disability as he was. It doesn't matter if you don't have children, two people can take care of each other and spend the rest of their lives together? Xiao Wen's mother thought this countless times.
Xiaowen is also full of yearning for life, and he said to his mother solemnly:
You can't get old too fast, and you'll have to help me with my children later. If my child is naughty, he can't fight, he has to coax oh...
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Writing | Bread Editor| Dangdang | Qin Yu