Master Hongyi once said:
"A gentleman's friend, its light as water." Clinging to the elephant and seeking, thousands of miles away. ”
Adult interactions, too close is easy to cause trouble, too far away is easy to form a strange road.
And the really reliable relationship has always been a slow friendship, a faint place, such as the clarity of the water, such as the brightness of the mirror.
This seemingly cold relationship actually gives people a feeling of spring breeze, which makes people feel particularly at ease.
With people, only by maintaining a proper distance can we be okay with each other.
01
No matter who you are with, don't get acquainted too quickly
There is a saying in the Book of the Later Han Dynasty: "Those who are shallow and deep, are foolish." ”
It is a very unwise thing to push your heart to a friend who is still shallow and to put out your innermost thoughts and ideas.
Legend has it that during the Song Dynasty, a Li Langzhong opened a medicine shop.
One day, a person with a strange disease came to the door to ask Li Langzhong for diagnosis and treatment. Li Langzhong did not live up to the reputation of "rejuvenation of the magic hand", prescribed a few pairs of medicines, and cured the patient's illness.
Later, in order to show gratitude, the patient brought a carefully selected gift and personally visited the door to thank him: "Sir, the medicine is to help the world, the technique is precious, the grace of saving lives, do not dare to forget, these thin gifts, I would like to express my gratitude." ”
Li Lang was very friendly, so he warmly welcomed, prepared good wine and good dishes, and the two people talked happily.
When the drink was high in interest, Li Langzhong felt more and more that the two were in love, and he spoke more freely. Inadvertently, he talked about his neighbor who was an official in the court: "Although he is now a member of the imperial court, when we were young, we grew up wearing a pair of open crotch pants, and he used to do a lot of trouble..."
Not long after the incident, Li Langzhong's Chinese medicine shop was closed by the government.
Confused, Li Langzhong looked for people everywhere to inquire.
It turned out that after the patient who had drunk enough to eat that day returned home, he spread the rumors of the neighbors, and the result reached the ears of the neighbors in the old days, and the people felt that they had lost face, so they immediately looked for trouble in Li Langzhong in a hurry.
At this point, Li Langzhong was remorseful, but everything could no longer be recovered.
The taboo of adult communication is to make shallow and deep words, and before they know each other, they open the conversation box and spit it out quickly.
Unguarded digging out of your lungs is not the key to opening a good relationship, but it may put you in a difficult situation.
Just like the plot of a novel has to advance layer by layer, the music slowly climaxes. A reliable relationship must also follow its own rhythm, from point to end greeting to honesty, it has its own gradual process.
So, no matter who you talk to, don't get too close to it.
After all, people's hearts are separated from their stomachs. Learning to talk to the mouth to leave half a sentence is the way to get along with wisdom.
02
Not too much enthusiasm, in order to be affectionate and not in vain
Osamu Dazai wrote in "Human Disqualification": "No matter who is too enthusiastic about whom, it increases the probability of not being cherished." ”
Don't be overly enthusiastic about dealing with people. Maintaining an appropriate distance is the self-consciousness we deserve.
The author, Qin Yiyi, has told a story about his cousin.
The cousin who has just joined the work is a typical good lady, who is very enthusiastic about everyone and responds to everything.
In the unit, which colleague has more things, she always takes the initiative to help, even if the leader is thirsty and wants to drink coffee, she rushes to buy it back...
But she was so enthusiastic about doing things, and my cousin did not get the respect of her colleagues. Over time, they felt that this was something she took for granted, and rightly began to instruct her to do something outside of her work.
Finally, one day, this good lady, changing the enthusiasm of the past, suddenly began to be "cold" to people.
She refused her colleague and instructed her, as usual, to pick up the documents on the printer. Colleagues were surprised at first, but they also felt strange, and since then, no one has called her at random.
Enthusiasm is a virtue, but your enthusiasm should also be a little sharp. You don't have to be enthusiastic about helping anyone, it will spoil everyone around you.
If you don't get a response to your efforts, if you don't cherish your sincerity, take back your enthusiasm in time.
Not too much enthusiasm, in order to be affectionate and not in vain.
The relationship is most comfortable when the transition is appropriate.
03
Friends such as tea, need to taste; fellowship is like water, should be light
Murong Xi said: "Friendship is the same as the fragrance of flowers, it is still better to be lighter, and the lighter the fragrance, the more people are attached to it, and the more lasting it is." ”
In a person's life, there are many acquaintances and few confidants. Friendship should choose the true and good people to make friends, and choose the true gentleman to deal with.
Fellowship with gentlemen, although plain as water, but comfortable and relaxed, this is the most comfortable state when making friends.
A joint banner that Lu Xun once wrote to Qu Qiubai read: "It is enough to know oneself in life, and Si Shi should regard it with the same heart." ”
It probably means that a person is satisfied with a confidant in his lifetime, and he will be regarded as a brother in this life and in this life.
Lu Xun and Qu Qiubai, who met in the spring and summer of 1932, saw each other as they were, very compatible.
They often talked about literature and art from politics to literature and art, from theory to practice, from Greece to the Soviet Union, and even to the trivialities of daily life.
When some people belittled Lu Xun and put him in the cultural whirlpool, Qu Qiubai regarded the correct evaluation of Lu Xun as a major task. He spent 4 nights to write the Preface to Lu Xun's Miscellaneous Feelings Anthology, which became a landmark chapter in the history of modern Chinese literary criticism.
When Qu Qiubai was stricken, Lu Xun went all out to rescue and take him in, and properly arranged a place for him.
Later, after Qu Qiubai encountered difficulties, Lu Xun was already depressed, but he still had the illness to edit Qu Qiubai's translated manuscript "Hai Gaolin".
In the background of the frightening era, the deep friendship between the "arms" of the literary world has crossed the mountains and rivers and still touches us today.
A good relationship is one of heart, mind, and interest; good friendship is simple and sincere, simple and profound, happy and selfless.
Good feelings may be very light, such as water, like tea, but carefully taste, slowly taste, the taste can be experienced.
Maybe you may not be in constant contact, you may not be able to add icing on the cake, but you will definitely send carbon in the snow and pull you in times of crisis.
04
The best friendship is as light as water
In interpersonal communication, there is a "psychological distance effect" called the "hedgehog rule".
It is said that two hedgehogs want to warm up in the cold winter, and they try to hug, but they will sting each other. In the end, they found a suitable distance to warm each other without hurting each other.
The same is true between people. Too close, easy to have friction; the distance is appropriate, in order to feel the beauty of getting along.
Being close to each other, being harmonious and different, not only reflects the respect for others, but also shows their own open-mindedness.
It is not necessary for everyone to be intimate, not to be too affectionate in everything, to be slow, to be lighter, to be longer.
Give some white space to the relationship, so that it can withstand the scrutiny of the years, withstand the flow of time, and be able to flow for a long time and trickle endlessly.
May you have a relationship as reliable as a cup of boiled water, which looks light and tasteless, but is the most nurturing and refreshing.