"Lonely death" phenomenon: care for the elderly living alone, reflect on the risk of "no children" posterior problem

(Dust 4x/figure)

A message posted by China Fire Department on Weibo made people ponder in the stranglehold. The members of the Shanghai Hongkou Fire Station answered the police, and someone called the police that the 70-year-old man living alone next door had not been out for 5 days. After arriving at the scene, the captain found an abnormality, and there was a foul smell in the air at the scene. Neighbors said that every day when he came back from work, the old man would greet him, and he had not seen the old man for 5 days. The captain judged that the old man was more fierce than ji ji by experience, and immediately notified the police to break the door together and found that the old man had died. Subsequently, he contacted the children of the elderly, who lived in the suburbs, and according to him, the elderly had high blood pressure. The old man who leaned on the door every day and booed and greeted the neighbors was taken away by accident. Therefore, this death incident has a more impact on people's hearts.

An old man who often greets his neighbors may not realize that death is so close and so sudden, but in the eyes and hearts of his children, it may be like this: his father is not old or even incapacitated, and it is still early to take care of him.

Some netizens accused the children of the lonely deceased elderly of not fulfilling their responsibilities. This kind of heavy accusation is difficult to retract and it is difficult to take away from the "children". In fact, some children do not fulfill their responsibilities and obligations as sons of man, resulting in the elderly falling into a situation of loneliness and loneliness. However, it is also necessary to point out that some elderly people who die tragically in a state that no one knows, their children are not necessarily filial pieties with iron hearts, and it is difficult to accompany the elderly or neglect in the field of hard work, which may cause the problem of "unconsciousness".

Under normal circumstances, "no one knows" is actually an extreme example. If the children's door-to-door and telephone contact is closer, if the elderly are more resolute in reminding and asking for help from their children in a critical moment - in fact, there are many elderly people who are unwilling to "trouble their children" in everything - the elderly can enjoy the "treatment" of their children before they die, which is usually the most important humane foundation of the Chinese people.

It should be noted that there are not many examples of children giving up or not knowing that the elderly are in a "state of death" for various reasons. As long as the family structure is normal and the relationship between them is normal, it is more common for the elderly to receive hospice care for their children.

There are not many good ways to solve the problem of the death of the elderly that no one knows. Companionship and other forms of care are the most direct forms of preventing the elderly from "dying alone". First there are children, then close relatives and friends, and then neighbors and communities. Therefore, in this sense, the elderly without children are at greater risk of being unknown after death.

As an old man himself, as long as he is not a natural lonely lover, in general, more participation in social activities and more contact with the outside world often helps to avoid entering a dangerous situation.

Such an incident occurred in a small area of Bengbu, Anhui Province: the old man who lived alone fell down for 4 days without anyone knowing, and only attracted the attention of outsiders by tapping the washbasin, so he was rescued. The "symbolic" meaning of "knocking on the pot" is that it is very important to maintain the necessary contact with the outside world, and it is useful at critical moments.

However, most people will pin their hopes on their children to prevent unexpected events, which is the ultimate meaning of "raising children and preventing old age". Of course, children may not be reliable, but children who are related by blood are most likely the most reliable, and if they are worried that their children will not be able to rely on others, I am afraid that there will be more disappointments

I went to the mountain village to visit my classmate's father, who was 78 years old and in good health, just like he was in his 60s. I asked for his name at the entrance of the village, and the villagers blurted out, "You're talking about the old Y of fishing." He fished every day, loved to eat fish, and was deaf and blind. My father, 73 years old, was hired by the clinic after retiring from his position as a chinese medicine pharmacist in the hospital, and he was busy every day, and his legs and feet were very sharp. They never treat themselves as "old people", and when they talk about 80 years old, they always say "they are old people".

Of course, they all have more than two children and grandchildren who often come to the door to meet and contact by phone, so they are in a good mental state, in their words, "busy and energetic.".

In the spiritual world of the twilight years of life, whether there are children to participate in, whether there are children to worry about, the results are different.

Relatively speaking, the dangers and tests faced by people who are unmarried and infertile, or those who have no children for other reasons, are relatively more profound.

In 2020, there was also a 63-year-old man living alone in Shanghai who died for many days without anyone knowing. She was not married and had no children.

In Japan, there has long been a term to describe this situation, which is "lonely death". This is a realistic problem that is difficult to avoid in an aging society. A Japanese documentary called "Nobody Knows" has a great impact, and all kinds of "lonely death" scenes, like a huge question mark, hang in front of everyone.

Due to personality problems, some elderly people will choose to live alone even if they have children. It is worth mentioning that the old woman, who was only 63 years old at the time of her death, had only a father in her nineties, and would regularly contact his father but did not live together. People will also have some concerns about her older father.

All kinds of facts and experience tell us that choosing celibacy and not having children is actually putting the cost behind and the risk behind. When you are young, it is often difficult to experience the hardships of loneliness, and I have heard many unmarried and infertile people say: no children, not to mention more freedom and happiness.

I admit that this is a "seeing is believing", but this "seeing is believing" may be short-sighted. All life choices that put costs and risks behind, the "scenery time" must be written with a deadline. This is determined by the laws of life and the odds of risk.

In March this year, when I was accompanying my father who was hospitalized, I saw an old woman in a neighboring bed serving her bedridden wife, who was very difficult. There was no one to replace her, and no one to share her worries and joys, because they had no children. The old woman remained silent all day, resisting all kinds of suffering with her thin body. When she had a problem, she asked me for help and thanked me and the other "young people" for their help. But I could feel the helplessness in her heart, which was the norm.

Returning to the aforementioned controversy of "how good is it to have children", it cannot but be said that if you do not have confidence in raising your children and hoping for your children, what else can you have confidence in? Raising children, raising them into well-informed, loving children according to a positive educational philosophy, is actually not so difficult, at least much easier than handling everything alone in loneliness.

(This article is only the author's personal opinion and does not represent the position of this newspaper)

Woolly River