Text | Wen Changchang · Anchor | Yanan
Ten O'Clock Reading Signed Author
Hello everyone, I'm Meiya~
Born as a woman, how should I live?
How many invisible ups and downs does a girl have to go through to stumble into adulthood?
Today, Mei also recommends a rare phenomenon-level novel in Asia in 10 years - "Jin Zhiying Born in 1982".
This book tells the story of the first half of the life of an ordinary 36-year-old woman, Kim Ji-young, but it may also be our real life.
Whether you're male or female, it's well worth a look.
I saw a passage on Weibo:
"Our moral requirements for women have never been a standard for a "person."
1. Be glamorous, beautiful, full and tender. When I pick peaches, I follow this standard. 2. Be gentle and obedient, never noisy, not picky and good. When I pick pet cats, there is such a standard. 3. Be obedient, be tough and bearable, be indomitable, be able to suffer and suffer, not be afraid of dirt or tiredness. When I picked up the mop mound and the kitchen rag, it was such a standard. 4. Must be unused, when I buy all the goods, unless it is to open the shelf makeup, otherwise it is necessary to check whether the packaging is tight, the layer of plastic film is not damaged.
Women are not goods, not commodities, but have always been required to have all the attributes of a "good commodity".
And their moral requirements for men's behavior are real requirements for people. You must be intelligent, decisive, brave, honest, knowledgeable, responsible, responsible, and self-reliant.
They've been teaching men how to be a better person, but they're teaching women how to make a better "commodity."
Women are labeled too much in this life to be a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother, and all of these labels revolve around the standard of satisfying others.
Being born a woman is never an easy task.
When I was young, I was asked to be a sensible girl
"Kim Ji-young, born in 82", tells the story of a woman named Kim Ji-young.
In 1982, Kim was born into a family of civil servants, the second eldest in the family, with an older sister and a younger brother. Jin Zhiying's family has a very patriarchal atmosphere, and everything in the family is given priority to the younger brother.
When I was a child, my father went to England on a business trip, and the gift brought back to my brother was a pen engraved with his name, and what I brought to Zhiying and my sister was a notebook, Xiao Zhiying asked her father why she didn't bring a pen to me and my sister, and my father said that the notebook was also British.
When Jin Zhiying was in elementary school, the boy next door always played pranks and teased her, she cried to the teacher, but the teacher said: "There is nothing to make a fuss about, boys are like this, the more you meet a girl you like, the more you will bully her."
And in school, any activity, whether it is running for class cadres or eating, is also given priority to boys.
In middle school, on the bus home from cram school, Zhiying Cup strangers followed, scared to death all the way, and finally reprimanded by his father, "Why is the skirt so short?" ”；
When she was in college, because of her status as a female student, Zhiying was often deprived of her right to speak in club activities;
After graduating from college and entering the workplace, even if the work is hard, the performance is outstanding, because of the female identity, Zhiying's promotion and salary increase are always slower than the boys in the same period, and the building security guard installed a camera in the screw on the door of the women's bathroom.
Sexual harassment and sexism against women have always existed.
Such as Jin Zhiying, the growth process along the way, girls are not easy.
They are asked to be patient, to find reasons from themselves, to learn to be patient, to be sensible, to let their brothers, to learn to stand on the side of the road silently cheering on the boys.
The family wants us to be a sensible daughter, the teachers want us to be female colleagues who don't cause trouble, and the boss wants us to be a good talking female clerk.
Everyone asks us with the label of "how girls should be", but they forget to ask us a "do you like these requirements", and more ironically, most of us women even unconsciously acquiesce that girls are different from boys, and girls should have the appearance of girls.
Can be a girl, is there a standard? You must be a stoic sensible girl, otherwise it is not good?
Jin Zhiying's answer to us is:
To be a girl, there should be no standards. Even if every rule is taught how we should live, but there is any right way for a girl to live, a girl, as long as she lives a strong, brave, kind, independent look, it is cool.
After getting married, he was asked to be the perfect wife
After getting married, Jin Zhiying was very unhappy.
After marriage, under the pressure of her elders, Jin Zhiying had to give up her job to have children and bring children.
About Jin Zhiying and her husband Daxian when discussing whether to have children, Daxian said something very interesting, he said: "Anyway, it is always going to be born, early birth and late birth are the same, when the child is born, I will help you well."
Quite interesting, here daxian used the word "help". It seems that in his subconscious, taking the child is the duty of Zhiying, the mother, and the father only needs to help take care of it occasionally.
It is not easy to be a wife, in addition to the difficulty of the husband's incomprehension, it is even more difficult to be a triple identity: to be both a wife, a mother, and a daughter-in-law.
As a wife, Jin Zhiying has to take good care of her husband's life, to ensure that no matter how late her husband returns home, there will be hot meals to eat; as a mother, Jin Zhiying must take good care of the children, the child's three meals a day, crying and playing must be accompanied, but also to pick up the children to school and go home;
As a daughter-in-law, Kim Ji-young is more difficult. As soon as she arrived at her in-laws' house, Jin Zhiying wanted to make dumplings to cook and take care of the sister-in-law who returned to her mother's house; the mother-in-law got up before dawn to prepare to eat, and Jin Zhiying had to get up quickly to go to the kitchen to help after hearing the movement;
The family teases the children in the living room, and Kim Ji-young is alone in the kitchen, silently preparing dishes and silently washing dishes. Sometimes Daxian feels sorry for Zhiying and helps her wash the dishes, and her mother-in-law still feels distressed, and Jin Zhiying has to quickly explain: "Mom, I wash it at home." ”
But even if you work so hard for this family, and are asked to be a perfect wife, mother, and daughter-in-law, a full-time mother with no income is still looked down upon.
In the eyes of some people, stay-at-home mothers are very "enjoyable", do not work, only do housework, with children, spend the money earned by their husbands, very relaxed.
Wives, mothers, and daughters-in-law in this era are really too difficult to be, so in the end Jin Zhiying is depressed.
In real life, there are many women like Jin Zhiying who are asked to be better, more competent, more perfect wives, mothers, and daughters-in-law, and if they can't do this, it is not good.
What kind of responsibilities women play in marriage, and how women weigh the relationship between married life and their own lives, is a question that has always plagued women. It is also the biggest puzzle in "Jin Zhiying Born in 82".
Fortunately, at the end of the story, Jin Zhiying gave us an answer:
Before a woman is a wife, she is first and foremost a person, women should allow imperfection, and women's value should not be measured only by the "perfect wife".
Throughout his life, he will find himself
Kim Ji-young, who was asked to be a sensible girl when she was a child and was asked to be a perfect wife, mother, and daughter-in-law when she grew up, has always lived according to secular standards, but in the end she was depressed.
The fundamental reason is that:
Everyone told her to live for her parents, for her husband, for her children, but no one ever told Jin Zhiying that you should live for yourself in this life.
"Jin Zhiying born in 82 years" reflects more than once: It is really difficult for a woman to live for herself once in this life.
Jin Zhiying's sister, who originally wanted to be a television producer, finally obeyed her parents' wishes and chose a normal school with cheaper tuition and easier employment;
Jin Zhiying's female boss, with outstanding workplace ability, walking with the wind, doing things quickly, just returned to the workplace after the confinement was done, but there are still many people behind her saying that "children without their mothers will definitely become bad";
Jin Zhiying's mother, in order to earn money to support the family, in order to provide for her brother and brother to go to school, she originally had excellent grades, threw away her wish to be a teacher, and stepped on the sewing machine every day to earn money. In the process, the hand was cut by the sewing machine, but no one was distressed.
It is really difficult for women in this life, even if they go to school like boys, take the same exams, face the same tense society, and work very hard to take root, but when they finally need to sacrifice for the family, the first one must be the girl.
And many times, women's sacrifices are thankless. If you are at home with children and become a full-time housewife, you will be said to spend your husband's money and enjoy happiness;
If you work hard outside, work hard, and compete with men hard, you will be accused of not taking care of your children, and your heart is really cruel. Being a woman is really hard. This is kim ji-young's story, and it's the story of most of us women.
Fortunately, at the end of the story, Jin Zhiying began to receive psychotherapy, and also began to regain his former dreams, began to write, began to re-establish a little connection with the world, and began to rediscover himself little by little.
In "Kim Ji-young born in 82", the author gives us a beautiful ending, so that the lost Kim Ji-young can find himself again, Kim Ji-young is lucky, but there are many women in the whole world who are still living in the torment of life like Kim Ji-young.
Perhaps, this is also the reason why Kim Ji-young's story is liked by everyone:
Jin Zhiying inspires women not to give up on themselves, even if you feel that you are in a deep quagmire at the moment, you can't find the balance of family life and work, even if you have lost yourself for a long time, but please don't give up on yourself, and don't feel that this life is over.
After all, it's never too late for women to change.
There is nothing in this world that can stop a woman's desire to be better.
"Jin Zhiying, born in 82 years", wrote a sentence:
In this world, being a woman already represents more difficulties.
Nevertheless, I still hope that women can become strong enough, no matter what they face, do not be afraid, but with our strength and courage to face the difficulties.
Being a woman can be gentle, but it can also be strong.
-Image Source-
Stills of "Kim Ji-young born in 1982"
-Author-
Long writer, young author, ten-point reading signing author, spirits small fresh one, only say sober words, only write the most heartfelt words. Sina Weibo @ Wen Chang Chang Winnie, public number: Wen Chang Chang (id: wenchangchanga), the new book "Self-Consistency" is selling well. This article was first published at ten points of reading (id: duhaoshu), more than 29 million people subscribed to the national reading number, reprinted, please reply to "reprint" in the background.