Text/Laughing Snow Parenting Thinking
Ask yourself, do you have any shadow of these three ways of education? Have you ever lost your temper with your child? Have you endlessly reasoned with your child, even touched yourself, but the child is indifferent?
In family education, the most important and easiest to ignore point is whether you stand in the position of the child and think about whether our education method can really touch the child? Can it really work?
Today, let's talk about these three most useless forms of education.
First, parents lose their temper.
Many parents will turn negative emotions at work and dissatisfaction with the family or partner into complaints and resentment on their children; some parents implement "militarized management" of their children, impose strict requirements on their children, and even try to use "temper" to deter children.
Juliet Wiezi, an American mental health specialist, followed up many children who grew up in such families. It was found that such parents have a great influence on their children's personality, mainly including: taciturn, heavy-minded, cautious in words and deeds, indecisive, pleasing others, insecurity, poor communication, and lack of self-confidence. Either way, for the child, it is a negative effect.
In fact, parents love to lose their temper, which can only show that parents are very helpless in educating their children, so they can only take this bluff method to control the situation, and such behavior can only make children feel afraid, and can not achieve the purpose of education, so it is the most useless.
The second type: parents chatter about reasoning.
Sometimes I also find that the more patient adults are in reasoning, the more children can't listen. Why?
There are three types of human thinking: intuitive action thinking, concrete image thinking, and abstract logical thinking.
Among them, children aged 1-2 are mainly intuitive action thinking, also known as intuitive action thinking, action thinking, they mainly rely on actions to perceive the world.
3-6-year-old children begin to develop concrete image thinking, they can perceive the world through specific things, such as they can understand what apples are, what cookies are, but they do not understand what love is and what beauty is.
Children aged 6-7 are in the embryonic stage of abstract logical thinking, and children mainly use concepts or language to perceive the world.
Therefore, kindergarten children and children in the lower grades of primary school, the way of thinking to solve problems is mainly based on the feelings, perceptions, actions and behaviors of the time, rather than language and logic. That's why we preach so much truth with little success.
Ancient poems have "on paper to finally feel shallow, absolutely know that this matter must be done", rather than telling the child the truth countless times at length, sometimes it is better to let him personally touch, touch, and do it.
When I was a child, I always liked to touch it with my hands, in order not to let him touch the hot water bottle, we took him to the hot water bottle, took the cork, let him feel the heat of the warm bottle, and told him a hundred times "very hot", it was better to let him try it himself.
The third type: self-moving education.
"I worked hard to raise you, am I easy?"
I raised you with a handful of and a handful of urine, and you will repay me by taking the test like this?
"I'm not willing to eat or wear, everything is tight on you, why are you so ignorant and inconsiderate of adults?"
All of the above, all belong to the self-moving education, you feel that you have paid so much for your children, sacrificed so much, when the child's gratitude and return does not meet your expectations, it will "become more intense" of the forced "selling misery", do not know, such behavior not only can not get the child's touch, but also because of the kidnapping of family affection and lead to parent-child feelings more and more estranged.
Many parents' attitude towards their children is "everything I do is for your own good", this "for your own good" is just the adult's self-touch, and the real love is to respect the child.
So, do you love your children or yourself? Respecting the child's choice is loving the child. Once the child does not develop according to his own wishes, he strives to oppose him, which is to love himself. Most parents love themselves instead of loving their children, but "kidnap" their children with self-touching love.
Finally, I would like to say that if you want to cultivate excellent children, the family education methods mastered by parents are also very important, from now on, if you also have these three characteristics, quickly remove them!