"Jin Zhiying born in 82": How much pressure do women have to endure to live this life?

"Mei Shu, don't be like this, you spent the same years there, in order to provide for your brothers to study, stepping on the sewing machine in the Qingxi River, your face is getting more and more haggard, and when you come back with a salary every month, your mother's heart is broken!" My daughter is so kind, when you came back from cutting your finger by the sewing machine, my mother's heart didn't know how much pain, at that time, she couldn't open her heart and hug you, and she couldn't say thank you to you! Mi-sook, I'm sorry! Even if Zhiying works hard, she will look at it herself, don't you teach her to be very responsible? ”

This is the most tear-jerking scene in "Kim Ji-young born in 82", Kim Ji-young, as an ordinary Korean woman born on April 1, 1982, is 34 years old, married with Mr. Jeong Dae-hyun three years ago, daughter Ya-young is about two years old, in trivial daily life, Dae-hyun finds that sometimes Ji-young suddenly becomes another person, speaking in the tone of another person, sometimes Ji-young's mother, sometimes Cha Seung-yeon, who had a crush on Dae-hyun many years ago, this time, When Ji-young rushes to see his mother, After saying the above words in the tone of her grandmother, Zhiying's mother was surprised and distressed, holding Zhiying and crying bitterly. Off-screen, while accompanying the mother and daughter to tears, we can't help but wonder: Why is it that women's lives are so difficult? How much pressure do women have to endure to live this life?

"Kim Ji-young born in 1982" is the work of Korean female writer Cho Nam-joo, selected as "2017 Best Novel" by the Korean Federation of Bookstores, the author Cho Nam-joo was also awarded the "Writer of the Year" award for this book, the book sold more than 1 million copies in South Korea, the film starred by Jeong Yu-mi and Kong Liu, such a phenomenon-level bestseller and adaptation of the film is highly questioned, polarized: women feel that they have said the plight of women, men attack it, crusaders have it, detractors have it, there are denigrations, and there are boycotters. Thus setting off a vigorous "Kim Ji-young" fever, the author wrote on the title page of the book: Sincerely hope that every daughter in the world can embrace a bigger and more unlimited dream. The author said that he saw the insulting title of "mother worm" for full-time mothers in society, and when chatting with psychologists, he found that women were under unimaginable pressure, combined with their own experiences to have this "Jin Zhiying born in 82 years". So, let's walk into Jin Zhiying and see what kind of pressure we are under as an ordinary woman.

(a) Pressure from the family

Jin Zhiying was born in a patriarchal family, and from an early age he accepted the concept that boys are worthy of all kinds of money and girls are as cheap as pigs and dogs, and this concept of dignity and inferiority has become a consensus, and no one questions its irrationality. The movie used a pen as a symbol, the father went to the United Kingdom on a business trip, when he came back to the two daughters of the gift is just an ordinary notebook, the gift to the son is an expensive pen, the different treatment of men and women is really chilling, so Eun Seok joked that Jin Zhiying pestered him to want that pen for more than ten years, in fact, where Zhiying cares about is the pen, she cares about the love of the father on the pen, is the love that should be obtained but can not get; zhiying is sick after being found by his mother, The mother's heart ached like a hanging, the father just gave Eun Seok at this time to wrap the Korean medicine back, let him nourish the body, at that moment, the mother finally broke out, she threw the Korean medicine to the ground, accusing the father of only knowing the son who cares about the health of the child, the daughter Zhiying because of the burden of child-rearing can not do what he wants to do is about to be hollowed out, but can not get the father's love, the mother collapsed on the ground crying and said: "How can a child who grows up in such an environment not get sick?" "Some people say: lucky people can be cured by childhood all their lives, unfortunate people have to spend their lives to heal childhood, and many psychological problems can be traced back to the source of childhood shadows and injuries."

Compared with Zhiying, Zhiying's mother is a victim of this patriarchal thinking, although the academic performance is the best, but in order to provide for her brothers to study, she was forced to give up the dream of being a teacher, dropped out of school early to work, worked the sewing machine to earn money, and buried the beauty of her life. When Zhiying's sister changed her college volunteer because her father laid off the family's economic pressure too much, the book wrote: "My mother advised her to think twice, because her mother herself had given up her dreams for her family and siblings, and she understood those grievances better than anyone." I don't know when my mother and uncle almost stopped interacting, and the regrets and complaints of sacrificing the small self to complete the big self deepened, and in the end, the psychological pain also messed up the relationship between the family. After Zhiying's sister went to college, her mother cried sadly, and the wounds of the old days were uncovered again, and she must have been thinking: Why is it that it is always the daughter who is sacrificed? Zhiying, who is married to Daxian, will be tired and bitter every time she returns to her mother-in-law's house every holiday, and in the play we see that Zhiying will start to be busy as soon as she returns to her in-laws' house, wrapping dumplings, washing spinach, mixing cold vegetables, cutting fruits, and getting up to work before dawn, and Daxian is distressed that his wife wants to help clean the bowls, and the mother-in-law will yin and yang and say strangely: "My family Daxian is a new-style husband! It was almost too busy to be busy, the eldest sister-in-law came back again, the mother-in-law instructed Zhiying to do this and that, and when the eldest sister-in-law did not bother to say that she went to the kitchen, the mother-in-law said: "Did you finish playing at the in-laws' house?" "Why does the mother-in-law know that she is sad for her daughter, but forget that her daughter-in-law is also the baby of other people's mothers?"

(2) Pressure from the workplace

The favorite character in the movie is Kim Eun-sil's team leader, heroic and sassy, facing the director with the worst malice to speculate about her family and future - "The child who was not brought up by the mother is particularly rebellious", "Grandma and mother can be the same, the child must follow the mother, otherwise the future one will not get it right, it will be a big disaster", "What about the success of the career, the child is ruined", hearing anyone comment on their lives will be on fire, right? Leader Jin behaved calmly and suggested promoting this as a slogan, the director laughed and said that he would be punched by the working mother, and The leader of the Jin group said calmly: "Then you have to punch me!" "Seeing this place is very relieved, why there are always some people in the workplace, under the banner of caring for you, to add to your blockage, but we do not have the courage and eloquence of the golden team leader to be able to go back, and we can only swallow silently." The male supervisor of our company will inadvertently say during the tea break: "You see that Xiao Li has a male child, you are too strong, so you will give birth to a girlfriend", "Why does Xiao Wang work so hard, or because he has no ability to find a husband", hearing these words, I really hate not being able to roll over 18,000 white eyes - why do you judge my life with your values? Who gives you an inexplicable sense of superiority? In addition, there are also women who often face sexism in the workplace, which is the same as Zhiying's encounter: although the work performance is excellent, it has won the affirmation of the superior, the company will automatically exclude women when preparing for the establishment of an elite planning group; obviously at the same time, women need to pour tea and water at meetings, men never use; men always promote faster when they are promoted, women will appear "workplace ceiling", the higher the proportion of women; when the family needs someone to bear the burden of childcare, women resign, etc. As the book says, "At every critical moment, the label of women will silently cover people's eyes, divert people's steps, and make people go back, which is always surprising and confusing." ”

(3) Pressure from society

"Mother worm" is an insulting name, so Zhiying will be sad to hear someone talk about her like this, this title not only negates the hard work made by the mother in raising the baby, but also negates the social value as a human being, just like the Chinese children describe "my mother is a useless housewife", because taking care of the family, washing and cooking, cleaning is no one pays, is "worthless", "useless", Zhiying because of wrist pain to see the doctor, what did the doctor say? "The rice is made in a rice cooker, the clothes are washed in the washing machine, why does your wrist hurt?" What a nonsense! Rice will not go to the rice cooker by itself, dishes need to be bought, washed, cut, fried to be on the table, after eating need to wash dishes; clothes will not automatically go to the washing machine, wash need to be dried, put away, the next time when wearing will be flat, we can not ignore the hard work behind because the window is clean, three delicious meals, because the "useless housewives" do trivial and busy housework, we can live comfortably. I hope that everyone can see their hard work, and do not deny their value and hurt their feelings in addition to heavy labor! Such worthless words, such insulting titles, in the final analysis, show your value as a social elite? Does it show your exaltation? In fact, it only exposes your ignorance!

The pressure of society also comes from strange views, such as Zhiying going to the cram school at night and returning to meet the tailgating boys, thanks to the help of the kind aunt, how does Zhiying's father judge this matter: "Why go to the cram school so far?" Change places now! Go out and dress modestly, look, how short the skirt is! Also, you must not laugh when you see people! Always be careful to observe, be vigilant and hide from walking, the stone rolls over, does it not move? Didn't dodge, the wrong person is the one who didn't dodge! "It's as shameless as every rape case when there are always people who accuse women of having skirts too short, and it's the people who commit the crime or the people who have the intention to commit the crime that should be condemned, okay?" Why blame innocent women? Is it difficult for women to go out and need to wrap their whole bodies into rice dumplings and leave only two eyes? Or do you wear a suit of armor and carry a bow and arrow on your back to protect yourself at all times? It is these inexplicable and bizarre views that bring double pressure and harm to women.

(iv) Pressure from parenting

I remember someone said, there is no more incongruous combination than a novice mother and a newborn baby, one has no experience and one will not express, it is completely touching the stones to cross the river, and in the process of feeding the child, I feel the most tired is when Yaying is so big in the play, I just can't figure out why the child is crying, love is like a treasure and anxious, frequent breastfeeding, can not rest well at night, anxious children's weight gain is not ideal, heavy housework, etc., as if the world has suddenly become a thousand pounds of burdens under pressure, You're holding a crying child and you're at a loss. If the child is sick in this kind of hectic chaos, it is even more painful, in addition to seeing the doctor, feeding medicine, giving injections, comforting the sick child, you still hate not being able to suffer for him, all mothers are suffering in pain like this, but when you are in it, every second is like a year! We see that Zhiying's parenting life is busy, tired, and haggard, she uses "soldiers and horses" to describe the life of chicken feathers in this place, if you have experienced all that, you only feel that the description is not cruel enough and not appropriate enough! I have seen a lot of news reporting postpartum depression, but after every news heat, the new mother is still like a person drinking cold and warm self-awareness, struggling bitterly in the quagmire of postpartum depression, "Home on the Slope", the mother with postpartum depression drowned her eight-month-old daughter in a mental trance, when you accompany her through this hellish parenting process, you will think: Why is there such torture and punishment?

(5) Pressure for self-actualization

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory holds that the highest level of human needs is self-actualization, and we need to do things to reflect the value of the self, so as to gain recognition and a sense of accomplishment. Zhiying wanted to find a job after the child entered the nursery, at first wanted to work as a cashier in the bakery, Daxian objected; later learned that the leader of the gold team came out to start a business, he wanted to join the team of the leader of the gold team, but the babysitter has not landed, Daxian proposed that he could apply for parenting leave from the company, and the mother-in-law resolutely opposed after learning about this matter: "My promising son actually cut off his future!" Zhiying's mother argued according to reason: "My family Zhiying has read enough books, and the work is also very hard, it is Zhiying who is pregnant with a child in October, and it is Zhiying who carries the child alone, and they should help each other to live a life!" "Yeah, why is it always women who are sacrificed?" Pregnancy and breastfeeding are the responsibilities entrusted to women by God, and there is no substitute, but can't we trap women at home because of such a responsibility and erase their needs for self-realization?

There is such a plot in the play: after sending the child to kindergarten, several mothers get together and talk about the major they originally studied, and Young-ho's mother graduated from the engineering department of Seoul National University, and she lamented why she studied so hard in the first place, was it to teach Yinghao the nine-nine multiplication table? Listening to people feel sad, such a Kochi woman, nowhere to release the pressure had to solve mathematical problems to alleviate, what a sad situation! They have received a good education, work hard in the workplace, and are no less than men! However, in the face of the situation of parenting, you have to give up your dreams, give up the opportunity to realize your self-worth, and become trapped in the role positioning of "someone's wife, someone's mother".

The story has a happy ending - Zhiying re-enters the workplace, Daxian goes home to take the child, Zhiying picks up her beloved pen and begins to write articles, watching her own words printed in magazines, her confidence, her smile and joy are as warm as the spring breeze. The author writes: "How many invisible ups and downs does a girl have to go through before she stumbles into adulthood." "Zhiying is unfortunate and lucky, just like every woman around us, how much pressure she has endured, how much she has been wronged, how many times she has cried in the dark night, how long she has walked through gritting her teeth in difficult situations, and gradually learned to be strong, learned to be brave, and learned to laugh at everything. May every woman be cherished by her family and warmed by this society!