In the old days, when talking about marriage, we paid attention to "door to door", as stated in the "Fast Mouth Li Cuilian Record": "Say with the two sides, the door is the right door, and marry as a marriage." ”
The door is the stone pier placed at the door in the traditional building, and the door carving on the door refers to the door, and the design and use of the two are completely determined by the social status and family situation of the owner of the house, which also shows the strong guiding role of the feudal hierarchy.
Because of this, in order to abandon the feudal and decadent system and ideology, the term "door to door" has gradually become a derogatory term, and even in some cases, the combination of two people with a largely different social background has become a symbol of true love.
However, is door-to-door pairing really just a backward idea? In fact, the study found that in the present, it is still two people who are right at the door to have true love.
The love between Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai is destined to be a tragedy
The story of "Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai" can be described as a household name, even those who have not seen the original book or derivative drama in its entirety have more or less heard of the names of these two people and the tragic ending of the butterfly.
The gap between Zhu Yingtai and Liang Shanbo's family is the most important reason why the two suffer family opposition, and now it is also a typical love story between a rich woman and a poor boy.
This story is enshrined as a classic, and the greater reason is to convey a spirit of resistance against the feudal class, and the words are full of the call that "the world cannot defeat true love".
However, the reason why Liang Zhu's love is love is precisely because it is unrealistic, and the feelings between them cannot support marriage.
I like an interpretation of Zhihu: the reason why Liang Zhu transformed the butterfly, the reason why the author took the image of the butterfly, is also hinting that the love between the two will be fleeting.
It seems that death is a tragedy, but to be able to be together in that form is a comedy, and such an ending is more real.
At present, free love has become the main theme, more and more people have accepted new ideas, believing that in the face of feelings, there is no insurmountable gap, therefore, some people believe that Liang Zhu's story is placed in the present, perhaps a model marriage.
In fact, Liang Zhu's story is still unrealistic even in the present.
On the one hand, it is a good food and clothing, and it can use enough time to break the routine; the other side is poor and destitute, and from an early age, it has to rely on itself and use the career as a life-saving straw for turning over.
The reason why the two people feel that each other is special is because there are too many differences between each other, so much that the gap becomes an attraction.
When the real problem comes, the gap will fade the glorious cloak of attraction, leaving the inner differences in vain.
In psychology, two lovers with a large gap are more susceptible to the "Romeo and Juliet effect", and the more external obstacles there are, the deeper their love will be.
In fact, it is not how strong the love between the two people is, but the estrangement of reality between each other as a pass match again and again, at this time, the inner desire to win or lose will often exceed the love for each other, which is why many couples can share hardships and can not be rich and noble.
At the same time, the gap between the two people is too large, it is easy to appear "moral kidnapping", as long as one party can not adapt to the later life, it is too easy to be crowned with "not enough love" crime.
This is a punch in the emotions and in the psychology, Liang Zhu's classic is to distinguish reality from the ideal, in the face of reality, looking for a suitable state, is the really appropriate way.
The emotional core of the door-to-door pair: the circle of similarity
It is true that in the past, dividing people into three, six, nine, etc. was an insult to people and personality, but the door to the door is not all wrong with the idea of marriage.
In terms of emotional matching, the essence of the door is to encourage two people who are in a similar circle to get along.
Cai Kangyong once said: "My impression of the door-to-door pair includes my own education class, cultural background and so on. Different family backgrounds, different social circles, the topics exchanged with each other after marriage will be less and less, and finally lead to couples going farther and farther. ”
This state of being right at home is the state of emotional suitability.
The gap between Qu Xiaoxiu and Dr. Zhao in "Ode to Joy" gradually appeared in the process of getting along. In a poker game, Andy borrows a character from the tragedy Macbeth and says to Singularity, "Dear Lady Macbeth, your hands are not clean. A metaphor, in Qu Xiaoxiu's mind, became a certification of the singularity's "small subject" status.
Judging from the circle they are in, the relationship between the two cannot last long, as Dr. Zhao said: "My fun, you can never understand." ”
True love is to be able to spend the present and meet the future together on the basis of understanding each other as much as possible. Circle differences are too good, to get to know each other well, it takes a lot of time and energy, and sometimes some gaps can be eliminated if they don't want to be eliminated.
As the popular saying goes, "Our life is the kind that you can see at a glance." "The two people who don't have the right door can also look at the head at a glance.
The case of the people around me
Chen Fan and my college classmates, she and her boyfriend have known each other since junior high school, and when she graduated from high school, her boyfriend confessed to Chen Fan, Chen Fan agreed, and the two became lovers.
Chen Fan is a bully in the class, the college entrance examination plays an extraordinary, went to a 211 school; and Chen Fan's boyfriend is a typical weak student, although he worked hard but always did not work, and finally reluctantly read a specialty, but fortunately the two schools are close, so often dating, the feelings are still quite harmonious.
In the year after graduating from college, Chen Fan was successfully admitted to graduate school, and her boyfriend failed to advance. Because of this, when Chen Fan chatted, he did not dare to talk about learning and academic qualifications at all, because as soon as he said it, his boyfriend would change his face. No
Only in this way, Chen Fan found that he did not want to stay with his boyfriend more and more, his complaint was Versailles in the eyes of his boyfriend, and his boyfriend's complaint about life was more like "shrew scolding street" in Chen Fan's eyes.
The article "Psychological Analysis of "Door-to-Door Pairs" points out that door-to-door pairs do not emphasize material abundance, because for two people who have just emerged from society, the so-called material is actually more from the giving of the original family.
Door-to-door pairing is a kind of cognitive fit, and two people from similar circles will have some commonalities in the choice of how some things are handled and the views they hold on events.
Consistency in many things not only saves time and energy investment in things, but also makes each other feel relaxed.
In reality, rather than seeking a novel experience from feelings, it is truly valuable to be able to find someone who understands you and can understand you.
Therefore, two people who are right at the door are often more able to have true love.