Text: Snow in February
Figure: From the network
It's late autumn, and today, for some reason, my heart is like a leaf floating in the air and not falling, and I suddenly think of my mother.
Although my mother has left me for many years, her voice and smile are still deeply rooted in the depths of my heart and linger. The bits and pieces of the past, helplessness mixed with sentimentality, wrapped around me and devoured me, and a wordless pain surged in my chest.
I was born on the third day of the first month of February in 1966, and my birthplace is the hometown of chefs - Houcao Temple, Lianglou Village, Danlou Township, Wanggou Town, Feng County, Jiangsu Province.
On the day my mother gave birth to me, the bone-chilling north wind mixed with the goose feather snow danced wildly, like a needle on the road, it was difficult for people to open their eyes, listening to the elders, the snow on the road that day was more than two feet thick, pedestrians could not find the road eye, if they were not careful, they might fall into the snow pit.
It was precisely because I came to the world in such weather that my parents gave me a random nickname - Snow Lai. Perhaps, their inadvertent decision doomed me to be full of bumps and thorns in the road of my future life.
My mother gave birth to seven of our brothers and sisters, my two sisters, a little sister, I was the third oldest of the brothers, uncles, aunts and aunts could not have children, no children.
In our hometown, there is an old saying called: no filial piety has three, no queen is greater. At the repeated request of my aunt and uncle, when I was born, I was ruthlessly adopted by my parents, called "heir" according to our local dialect, and since then my uncle and aunt have become my adoptive father and adoptive mother, and have changed my name to father and mother.
Since I can remember from childhood, my parents have been very able to bear hardships and stand hard work, work diligently all their lives, get up early and be greedy, and be diligent and frugal in running the family. Although life was not as rich as that of the urban people, in the countryside at that time, it could also be said to be on the middle side.
My parents used their life's frugal money to send me from primary school to high school, so my childhood and adolescence have always been under the care of my parents, a carefree life, what farm work there is at home, my parents rarely ask me to participate, they are not willing to eat, they are not willing to drink, they hope that I will be able to honor my ancestors in the future.
But at that time, it was even more difficult to change my fate through studying, and later for various reasons, I had to drop out of school and go home, and my parents' wishes could not be realized.
Now whenever I think about this, I always feel ashamed of my parents' nurturing grace to me, it is like a shadow, it is always in my mind can not be erased, let me regret for life.
In the days before I got married, I basically didn't have much burden, but I didn't know the hardships of life after marriage. There are old people on the top and small ones on the bottom, and when they wake up every day, the first thing they face is chai rice oil and salt.
The sun and the moon change, the years change, how many things are changing, people, even more can not escape the wind and rain 的️ and the erosion of the years. In the urging of time, parents are gradually getting old.
Real life is always so helpless, sometimes fate can really trick people, june 29, 1989 in the lunar calendar, just when my wife gave birth to her eldest daughter, my father died of illness and ineffective treatment, and the situation in the family suddenly became extremely embarrassing.
In March 1991, after the wife gave birth to her second daughter, the mother was also unable to be healed due to illness and said goodbye forever. Two dear relatives left us one after another in two years, both spiritually and spiritually, brought me a great blow, so that I fell into the vortex of emotional troughs, it was difficult to extricate myself, and what was left for me was endless mourning.
For a long time to come, every time I saw the old people in the village who went to work in the fields, I would always inadvertently use my eyes to capture the appearance of my father and mother when they were working. I want to be able to sit in the courtyard with them, lala homely, eat a home-cooked meal together, cherish the time together, and let every day be stained with warm memories.
But all this, all of it, became a dream that could never be reached.
The years are quiet, the time is passing, and the late autumn is coming, and everyone's heart will always miss their relatives on some special days. At this moment, I thought how good it would be if my father was still there, if my mother was still there. No matter how old I am and have parents present, I will always be spoiled children by them.
Parents are there, home is there. Parents are there, siblings are family. Parents go, siblings are relatives. It has been more than twenty years since my parents left us, and I will never see them again, and this grief cannot be remedied by any means.
I know that only living well is the best reward for the kindness of my parents.
Dear parents, now that your two granddaughters have long been married and have lived happily, the living conditions are better than the family, and your grandchildren have grown up, please don't worry.
Today, when I work in the county, my soul often feels lonely, standing in the noisy streets, witnessing pedestrians and vehicles, and whenever this happens, I think of the village where I grew up, and the parents who gave birth to me and raised me.
Although I tried very hard to let everything pass peacefully, I could never open the knot of my thoughts, and when no one told me, I was still used to communicating with words and writing mood stories with my heart.