The other day I stumbled upon a very interesting topic: I don't pay my salary, and my wife won't have children!
The story is probably that the husband wants financial independence after marriage and refuses to pay his wife's salary, so the wife also refuses to have children, and the two continue to stalemate, which has been a long time...
Some people advise the old bus to pay for peace, saying that the general trend is so, and some people advise them to fight to the end, never compromise, and criticize the "wife" for giving birth to children as a "tool" for asking for money.
Of course, the same is true for the wife.
But in my opinion, I probably didn't understand the problem behind this matter.
01.
Comments on this topic are easy to remind me of an American movie I once watched, "Girls Want Revolution", which is set in a campus where girls are divided into three, six, nine, and so on according to their physical characteristics, until a black girl breaks this calm.
The male school bully, who is the "order maintainer", flirts with the black girl, so she reacts to the principal.
But the principal laughed back, accusing her of using too heavy words, possibly just "school bullies" to express their dissatisfaction with her, and said that if she did not correct the words, she would have a lot of work to do and would bring a lot of trouble. The headmaster is also a woman...
Another girl comforted the black girl after learning about it: he is such a bastard, since he was a child, naughty and bullying, you stay away from him, ignore him is...
But the black girl asked: Why do you have to ignore him, he is not an asshole, can't he?
Yeah, why does it have to be her way away? Obviously it is "he" who should be corrected!
This actually involves two famous psychological theories: "Parkinson's law" and "false empathy bias".
"Parkinson's Law": When a person is incompetent, he wants others to be more incompetent than him, so as to highlight the rationality of "he".
The principal is like this, and so is the girl who persuades them, when they are trapped in this situation, they want all people to be like this, not that they don't know that this is wrong, but they don't have the ability to break it, so they like others to "live" like them.
The person who answered, regardless of gender, hopes that society will develop according to the trajectory of his own needs, if men desperately want to manage money, they will persuade their "husbands" to fight, but if this "resistance" he cannot do, he will certainly persuade "husbands" to compromise, as he is, so that he will not appear too incompetent, because it is a "common disease"...
And "whether a husband should pay his wife" answers differently, but if you look for the roots and background, there will be a different answer.
This involves "false empathy bias," "when external attribution is stronger than internal attribution," or "when you see others as similar to yourself," and you tend to come to the same conclusions as you experienced yourself.
So, if "you" live in a family atmosphere where "women manage money", you will be more inclined to the rationality of the wife's management of money, but if you live in the family atmosphere of "male financial management", you will be more likely to accept the rationality of the father's management of money, and when women cannot manage money or men cannot manage money, you will persuade each other to compromise; that is, people will tend to be immersive, "turning themselves into him" to make decisions for "him", but is this "he" really a role in this topic?
Not necessarily.
02.
Then again, why do so many men resist paying their wives?
The reasons I've seen are probably "helping the brothers" and "overly supplementing themselves" parents, which is indeed a reality.
In the current situation, if there are brothers in the "wife's" family, there are many similar incidents, and many of them will endlessly paste their brothers, thus ignoring the feelings of the "husband", and even in the final divorce, there will be a situation where people lose money and money, work for many years, and get nothing.
In order to avoid this situation, there will be resistance to such a thing as "paying the wife".
However, it cannot be understood in this way.
Qi Wei starred in the TV series "Beijing Women's Picture Book", after she married her husband He Zhi, she broke out of a quarrel over the matter of Fang Benjia's name and ran away from home.
When she complained to her boyfriend Lu Jiakai, it was also the first time, she got a very surprising answer, that is: before marriage, absolutely will not add the name of the lover to the house, if you do not trust before marriage, then there is no need to get married; after marriage, it will not, if you really trust each other, you will not consider the divorce.
Qi Wei said that she just wanted a security; but in Lu Jiakai's view, it was just a "calculation" in the name of uneasiness.
In family life, it is probably like this, talking about money at the level of feelings is a kind of calculation, a kind of distrust, but you want to live, whether there is another half, life will always involve chai rice oil salt, another term of chai rice oil and salt is "money", no one will talk about feelings when hungry.
Only when food and clothing are no longer sleepy, people will need emotional comfort.
Moreover, from the perspective of the distribution of family responsibilities, men earn money outside to support their families, and women take care of business inside, which is itself in a state of balance.
The distribution of 24 hours a day, deducting the equivalent meal and sleep time, the effort of men in this family is probably work, occasionally doing housework, thinking about the future, women are probably working, regularly responsible for housework and meals, taking care of and raising children, thinking about the future, after removing the same ingredients, women will spend more energy in the family, including daily purchases, no meal is not costly, so women have more ideas and more nervous oppression.
The most common manifestation of "not knowing that chai rice oil and salt is expensive" is probably that the husband will always ask his wife where the money is spent.
Water and electricity properties, air-conditioned floor heating, meat, rice and eggs, none of them do not need to spend money, combined is a big cost, not to mention the cultivation of children themselves.
Therefore, men handing over their salaries to women is itself a rationality of work distribution, and before they break this routine and use it at will, this "balance" is actually a conventional way of life management.
Not to mention the existence of the role of "housewife", when one party sacrifices something for the sake of the family, the other party must also pay something relatively, in order to emerge a better "balance".
03.
In fact, we naturally understand,
If the woman in this topic is a "brother demon" or something like a man, and the man can decide not to give it as he should, then he does not have to ask for other people's opinions.
Or, if the wife devotes all her energies to the family and becomes a "housewife" altogether, with no financial resources, then there will be no such problem.
Therefore, the key to the emergence of this topic happens to be that "both sides have a certain degree of economic ability, and women are not without income", so the concept of "who should be the person in charge of money" will be more generated.
For the "husband", the salary is often handed in, which often forms a relative constraint, and the refusal to pay has greater freedom, after all, to a large extent, social activities are always subject to the cost of money; but when the "husband" refuses to hand in the salary, the wife will face greater pressure and tension, the use of money will be more unfree, the sense of balance within the "Master" will be broken, and the work will be inhibited.
This matter is like the inconvenience of employees traveling on business, relying on the company to reimburse, not only do they need to keep the bottom invoice, but also measure the reasonableness of each payment reimbursement when reimbursing, and the anger when the "reasonable report" is rejected.
No one is willingly bound, and the key to the husband's raising of this topic is that "he knows that he should pay his wife, even if it belongs to the environment, but he wants to find a reason that can be rejected by reason", which is the purpose of his inquiry.
For the "wife", "not having children without paying money" is not a reason for disguised transactions, but a deeper reflection on marriage.
In life, we often hear married couples arguing, the most common sentence: "If it weren't for the children, I would have left you long ago!" ”
In their hearts, children will make the marriage more stable, because there are more entanglements, even if they will really divorce in the future, they will also think about the cost of all aspects, properly consider, and parents will always sacrifice accordingly to give their children a better bad situation.
Once you have children, most people will still move on with their lives if nothing super extreme happens in the marriage.
So "not having children" is not "wife" in the transaction, but she is choosing, if the married life makes her feel that she can not continue, then she will avoid more "entanglements", naturally will refuse to have children.
She wasn't trading, but rather kept thinking about whether the marriage was going to go on.
Therefore, for "after marriage, should the husband pay his wife's salary".
The key to this topic has never been as simple as whether men should pay wages to women, but as a couple after marriage, what kind of attitude should be taken to manage the marriage, treat each other, behind the material is often a deeper relationship thinking, that is the source we should pay attention to.
Just like Lu Jiakai advised Qi Wei, if you have already thought of the way back before marriage, and your heart is full of calculations, then the emotions will break.
That's the end of it, when you pay too much attention to a certain point in your marriage or if you pursue it too much, then you will have more prejudices because of it...
In marriage, there are many things that should be tried and made, you try to entrust financial power, she tries to give more bonds...