The most equipped education: half rich to raise children, half invested in themselves
Good education is not only on children, but should be "half scored".
Give time to discipline your children while setting aside energy to manage yourself.
Author | Watermelon mother
Some time ago, the college entrance examination scored, and the "Versailles" speech of a top student's mother was on fire!
It is reported that her son's name is Yuan Shuai, with a total score of 711 points in the college entrance examination, and Shangqingbei is already a sure thing.
In an interview, the reporter asked her to share how to educate such excellent children, but she said:
Parents should not put all their energy into their children, but should have independent space.
As long as the process is hard, don't care too much about the result.
One stone stirred up a thousand waves, many netizens commented:
The child is excellent to say so, if the child takes the test 400 points, can it still be like this?
I have met many parents who have been very strict with their children since they were young, and they have put in all their efforts, and they have not said it so easily.
What is good is good, how bad is bad, it has nothing to do with parents, only in children.
In fact, many people only see the surface and do not see the essence.
Parents and children must have independent space, not to leave it alone, let the children play by themselves, but to leave a piece of energy for themselves, let themselves shine, and use the power of role models to lead and accompany their children's growth.
As the American writer Emerson said:
"What a child will eventually become depends mainly on the quality of love, companionship and exemplary example he receives from the first educator."
It is the duty of parents to spend enough time "managing" their children.
However, spending energy to cultivate and improve oneself is also the most memorable thing in education.
However, in real life, there are many parents who often fall into the following two educational misunderstandings without knowing it.
Parents don't grow
But desperately trying the child
There is such a paragraph on the Internet:
The mother scolded the child as a stupid bird because of his poor grades, and the child responded domineeringly: "There are three kinds of stupid birds in the world, one is to fly first, one is tired and does not fly, and I am the third." ”
Mom asked: What is the third one?
The child said: "It's the kind of unlucky bastard who couldn't fly in the previous generation, but was forced to fly hard by them." ”
Although it is a joke, it projects an awkward and realistic state of education:
Many parents are very strict with their children, desperately chicken dolls, involuted, high expectations for their children, forcing their children to go to prestigious schools, but they are very tolerant of themselves and do not pay attention to self-growth at all.
They can allow their own work to rot, but require their children to have high grades;
They can collapse on the sofa to brush videos and watch gossip, but they can't tolerate children playing mobile phones and games;
I don't want to turn over my own book, but I scold the child and say it first...
The most taboo thing about education is that you can't do it yourself, but you force your children to work hard.
Without the guidance of action, even the best educational methods and skills will eventually fail.
I remember once taking my son Xiaoyu to visit a friend, and I happened to meet her and her son arguing:
"Let you concentrate on your homework, but as soon as you touch this, when you touch that, I will look at the kung fu of the mobile phone, how many trips have you made to the toilet?" Think I don't know! ”
Her son retorted:
"Then why don't you say that you accompany me to write homework, how many times have you looked at your phone, can you concentrate!"
After speaking, my mother began to roar again:
Is it me studying, or you studying, is this an excuse for you not to study well ?!
You see that Xiaoyu writes homework alone every day, and no one watches, and he still studies well!
Her son then complained:
Then why don't you say that Xiaoyu's mother reads every day, while you sit there with me, but you are brushing videos in your hands.
The bad diseases in children are the result of parental infection.
You say one thing on your lips, but actually do another set yourself, such discipline will only bring quarrels, and it is impossible to convince the child.
You must know that the most ridiculous lie on the road to education is to put yourself in ruins, but hope that children will be motivated and work hard.
Parents leave it alone
Let the child go when it's time to discipline
I have seen a documentary "Rich Brother Poor Brother", which exposes the completely different fates of the two children who were managed and freed since childhood.
My brother was strictly controlled by his parents since he was a child, requiring him to be self-disciplined and motivated, and learn to exchange his labor for the fruits of labor, so he was either busy mowing the lawn every day or delivering newspapers to work, and did not dare to slack.
As for the younger brother, his parents basically adopt a free-range attitude, do not use him to do anything, do not let him worry about anything, eat if he wants, sleep when he wants, and everything goes with him.
No matter how arrogant and unreasonable he did, his parents who favored him never scolded.
As a result, the older brother, who has always been strictly controlled, became an entrepreneur with a net worth of tens of millions, while the younger brother lived a destitute life and did not even have a place to stay.
As the saying goes, "Small trees should be repaired, children should be taught." ”
Discipline is the duty and duty of every parent until a child reaches adulthood.
If you choose to indulge at this time, you will undoubtedly ruin your child's future and future with your own hands.
I think of a story shared by writer Long Yingtai:
Ten years ago, she visited a friend's house when her daughter was just 8 years old, but she already showed a great talent for drawing at a young age.
So she urged her friends to cultivate well and gave a lot of advice, but her friends didn't pay attention to it at all and only cared about themselves.
Ten years later, when the little girl was 18 years old, when she visited again, she found that the quiet girl had a cigarette hanging from her hand, a tattoo on her back, and a look of disdain in front of everyone.
No child can be separated from the discipline of his parents and grow up healthy alone.
The greatest tragedy of education is to mistakenly treat letting go as waiting for the flowers to bloom.
To raise a good child, parents must learn to lead by example and discipline attentively.
Top education
Half rich children, half invested in themselves
Tao Xingzhi once said:
"We have two extremes of psychology about children, both of which are harmful to children. One is neglect; The second is that expectations are too tangible.
Neglect is left to fend for itself like thatch; Expectations that are too cut will inevitably fuel the seedlings, but will promote their death. ”
Blind persecution and blind indulgence are extreme educational methods that will ruin children.
Finding a balance between the two, so that children are free from burden, but also self-conscious and hardworking, which tests the wisdom of parents.
The most ideal way is to raise half of the children and give them enough love and companionship.
Half invest in yourself and awaken your child's inner motivation with the power of action and example.
Specifically focus on the following points, education saves time and worry.
1. Raise children richly
1. Nurture love and give children a sense of security
Psychological studies have shown that children aged 0-6 need to receive enough attention and love from their parents to form a secure attachment.
Only when children have a sense of security in their hearts can they have the courage to love themselves and live out their self-worth.
A family without love is like an ice cellar, and children who do not receive love will become lonely and indifferent.
The underlying logic of any kind of education for children must be premised on love.
2. Enrich the physique and give the child a strong physique
During the previous two sessions, President Tang Jiangpeng put forward a point of view:
"Good education should cultivate lifelong sportsmen, responsible people, problem solvers and elegant lifers, and give children excellent and sound personalities."
Among them, the cultivation of lifelong athletes is in the first place.
Only scores, you can't win the big test of life.
Give your child a vibrant body so that they can have endless energy in learning.
Having time to take your child to exercise more is the most practical gift for your child.
3. Enrich knowledge, take children to read more and see the world
Looking at the home education of many top students, you can find that their parents love to take their children to read and travel.
For example, Yang Yiming, who scored 726 points in this year's college entrance examination, his mother's favorite thing to do in her spare time is to accompany him to read books in the library;
Both applied for Tsinghua's twin brothers Du Yilang and Du Youlang, and their father often took them to travel to the South China Sea and the North on weekdays.
There is a good saying that knowledge is in the book, and even more outside the book.
Letting children close their doors and read more and see the world more when they go out is the best wealth.
4. Enrich labor and cultivate children's independence
Sarah, a Jewish mother who raised her three children alone, taught her children to participate in the work of the family.
She said:
The love that Chinese parents give to their children is not too little but too much, and they can't bear to let them experience the difficulties of life from an early age, which will only lead to a lifetime of hardship for their children!
Housework and labor may seem like small things, but they are an essential part of a child's education.
Children must eventually leave us to live alone, teach them how to survive and solve life problems on their own, so that we can quit early and let them learn to take care of their own lives.
Second, invest in yourself
1. Invest in emotions and give your child an emotionally peaceful home
Father, mother and child are actually an emotional triangle.
The key factor in maintaining the stability of this triangular relationship is actually stable emotions.
A hot-tempered, irritable parent has difficulty raising a confident, sunny child.
If you want to form a healthy and loving family model so that children are not affected by negative energy, parents must practice their emotional management skills.
Keep bad emotions out of the door, bring good moods to children, stay aware of your emotions, take deep breaths before losing your temper, count down to 123...
The more stable the parents' emotions and the more relaxed the family, the stronger the child's sense of happiness.
2. Invest in habits and set an example for children with self-discipline
Thinking of actor Sun Li, she is very demanding of herself on weekdays.
She will insist on getting up early to practice words, complete clock-ins on time, exercise every day, maintain a light posture for a long time, and be meticulous in her work.
Under its influence, the two children are also very self-disciplined, especially their daughter Xiaohua, who can write thousands of words quietly at the age of 5, and is also very patient in the study of sports and ballet.
The more disciplined parents are, the better the child.
When parents live self-discipline as a habit, where work does not procrastinate, where entertainment is not addicted, life is regular, and things are organized, children will naturally understand that restraint and persistence are the norm of life.
3. Invest in your mind and use knowledge to lead your child's growth
I once saw a true story on the Internet.
A mother studying liberal arts, in order to help her son who studied science counterattack, picked up the textbooks that had been put down for more than ten years and studied science from scratch.
Where she didn't understand, she looked up the information, and if she didn't know the topic, she asked someone, spending more energy every day than her son.
In order to learn and understand it yourself, and then teach it to your son in an easy-to-understand way.
Finally, under her leadership, her son changed his laziness, became positive, and his grades were greatly improved, and he was admitted to 985 all the way.
Surveys have shown that whether parents read books or not, love to learn or not, directly affect their children's college entrance examination results.
If you want your child to love learning, then you need to learn to arm yourself with knowledge and become a coach and role model for your child.
Only when parents complete their self-growth can they better lead their children's progress.
Remember Qian Zhiliang, an expert in children's education, said:
Parents and children, in the final analysis, are two independent individuals, with independent personalities and thoughts, and have their own life issues to explore and complete.
Not all energy is put on the child, which is called intention, nor is it invested in education, it is called responsibility.
While raising children, dedicate part of the time to invest in yourself and do a good job in your life.
When you live yourself as a ray of light, the child will be able to follow the light and walk his own path.
Give it a thumbs up, may we all not forget the responsibility of education, do not stop self-growth, and welcome children in the best state when they need it.