Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery
What kind of information are you most afraid of receiving when your child enters school?
One is a private message from the teacher informing you about your child's performance in school.
And most of the time, it's about the child's problems at school, and no teacher will have time to praise the child with you.
For example, the handwriting is not neat, the class is not serious, fighting with classmates ...
Another kind of information is the complaint in the class group.
I guess most parents will receive, especially if there are boys at home, it must be commonplace.
For example, Xiaoxiaoyu is actually not aggressive, and belongs to children with a more cautious and rule-abiding personality.
But I still received it a few times.
Once in kindergarten, someone in the class group @ us, and then posted a photo of the child's nail print on the back of his hand.
Saying that it was two children fighting over things, Xiaoxiaoyu grabbed the hands of his classmates.
That was the first time we had received such a message.
The homeroom teacher also sent us a private message in time to inform us of the specific situation.
He said that the two children also explained to each other, and the son apologized because he scratched the child's hand.
The teacher said that the two children also shook hands and reconciled.
But when I got home, the child's mother saw it and was angry, so she sent a message directly to the group.
Because my son usually does not have such a situation, the head teacher also explained the situation in the group and also suggested that everyone communicate in private.
My mother apologized again in the group at that time.
In the end, the other party's mother didn't say anything.
I called my son over and asked him about the situation.
We didn't reproach him, we listened to him first.
Because he's not the kind of person who likes to mess with people, I know there must be a reason.
It turned out that the kid also pushed him and hit him, only did not scratch him.
This happens when two children fight for me and no one lets anyone.
But this is a very normal thing.
We told him not to arrest people at school, not to hurt other students, but also to learn to protect yourself.
Ichigo entered elementary school.
Once, he came back and showed us his little hand.
It turned out that the back of the hand was caught by the same table.
I saw a red print, and my mother was a little anxious and asked what was going on.
Don't think about it, there must be another skirmish.
I took iodine wine and wiped it carefully, this is no big problem, usually the wrestling scratch is more serious.
And his table mates don't fight with him very often.
So we didn't talk about it in the group either.
Because as long as you really understand the child's behavior, you will find that under normal play and disputes, there will be some small actions, small conflicts, sometimes scratches, falls, red marks and other situations.
Most of these situations have nothing to do with school bullying, and children are not often bullied.
At this time, there is really no need to talk in the group.
Is there any miracle effect?
It will still be the same the next time the child rises.
For example, in the class group a few days ago, something with a strong "gunpowder smell" happened.
"xxx Mom, trouble you to tell your children, don't pull our family xxx next time, let him fall, his back is red, don't do this next time."
Then a photo of the child's "injured" was posted.
After a while, the child's mother replied:
"I privately believe you, but you also have to ask about the situation, don't do it casually, my children generally don't cause trouble, we also told him not to hurt people first, but if you provoke him, he will also fight back."
Next reply:
"I also asked clearly, it was your child who scolded first."
And then say how to scold.
Later, the head teacher came out and said that the children were not intentionally hurt, and the teacher also understood the situation, there were some misunderstandings, and there was something to chat about privately.
A red print, scolding each other and you pull me to push, you chase me to catch up.
These are common behaviors among children.
Accusing each other in the group before the situation is clear is not only that it didn't work out for the solution of the matter.
Instead, it will increase the contradiction.
In fact, what can be solved by private chat, is it really necessary to throw it into the class group?
Know that there are parents of the whole class.
It's like a village, all the villagers are in it.
You and your neighbors because of a little matter, obviously can be solved privately, you have to let everyone in the group see.
Doing so will only make everyone watch the excitement.
General small problems, there will be no one to support you, and no one to help you.
And the child fights, many times the children have forgotten, and they are reconciled again.
But the adults are still really angry there, and there are even big fights.
In the comic "Father and Son", there is an article "Children quarrel with adults"
The son got into a fight with his friend!
After the beating, the son went to his father to file a complaint while crying.
The fathers on both sides took their son's hand and went to the other party's parents angrily.
After the meeting, the two dads quarreled and clenched their fists ready to fight.
As a result, the fathers scuffled together, and the two children watched the fight from the sidelines.
And the ending?
The two fathers are still fighting, but the two sons have reconciled and played on the sidelines.
Isn't this cartoon very inspiring.
In the face of quarrels between children, we have to make judgments.
And don't go to someone to fight or hit another child out of anger for a moment.
As long as it's not bullying, minor conflict disputes, and not regular bullying, don't care too much at all.
I was caught, applied some medicine to eliminate the poison, red and swollen, and rubbed some ointment to reduce the swelling.
You can communicate the specific situation with the teacher, because with the intervention of the teacher, you can often understand more clearly.
And the most important thing is to communicate well with the child.
Ask questions about the situation and tell them what they can do.
If you are facing someone who often bullies you, you must not be afraid, fight back boldly, and inform teachers and parents in time.
If it's a temporary quarrel between two little friends, then it's necessary to see what the reason is.
At this time, you can talk to your children about "sharing", "collective rules", "common feelings", etc.
Because school is a "small society", in addition to caring about children's learning, how to do interpersonal communication should also take some time.
The behavior of parents will directly affect the behavior of children.