Although the level of girls at Peking University is speechless, Chizuko Ueno's answer is really worth seeing

Recently, I believe that everyone has more or less heard or watched Peking University girls talk about Chizuko Yamano, and related terms have dominated the hot search on the whole platform.

These are three married women who have graduated from Peking University for 10 years, labeled as "Peking University girls", and talk about "feminism" with Chizuko Ueno, a well-known Japanese sociologist, a famous feminist who studies women's liberation theory, and an honorary professor at the University of Tokyo.

This interview is Chizuko Ueno's first interview with mainland self-media, coupled with the aura of famous schools of Tokyo University and Peking University, many people feel that this should be a gender talk for Asian Kochi women, and the collision with each other will be very exciting, which can bring a lot of different thinking to the female group.

As a result, after the video was broadcast, three "girls" who graduated from Peking University for ten years were scolded, some netizens called them "desperate illiterate", and some netizens commented more sharply, saying that this was a dialogue of "three wombs and one brain".

The firepower of netizens is mainly focused on the problem of 3 Peking University girls, and many people feel that the outstanding students who graduated from Peking University have gone through ten years of social experience, and the questions raised should have a certain depth anyway.

However, the questions raised by the three northern university students in the video look like they don't understand Ueno at all, and can only revolve around narrow issues such as marriage, men, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, which not only have no depth at all, but also give people a sense of deliberately setting up a binary opposition of black and white.

Take the first question that surprised many people, the wife of Peking University asked Chizuko Ueno why she was not interested in marriage at the age of 20? Ask her what is the reason for refusing marriage, is it because she has been hurt by men, or is it the influence of her original family?

If you just ask her what the reason for her rejection of marriage is, this is still an open question. But attributing the reason for rejecting marriage to being hurt by a man or the family of origin, for most people, the answer is only one or the other.

If it's just this superficial question, the other questions are all centered on marriage, asking Ueno if she has a love brain, and talking about her views on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, her husband, etc., the vision is so narrow that people can't help but sigh.

I took the time to watch the full video and really had a feeling of my toes on the ground, Peking University? That's it? It's quite a shame.

However, without looking at the questions of these three Peking University wives, only listening to Chizuko Ueno's answer, I was deeply touched, her answer is too wonderful, the heart is inclusive enough, and the woman who is truly reconciled with herself can make such a wonderful answer, this is the real female strength!

Her answer can inspire us to think a lot about life, marriage and family, and special screenshots are shared with you

For example, on the issue of feminist views, Peking University wives set this issue under the theme of falling in love with straight male cancer, and their question is: when choosing a partner, will they consider the other party's attitude towards feminism, and whether they want the other party to agree with their own discussion in the book "Misogyny" to be a qualified lover.

Ueno's answer is: Feminism is a later rhetoric, and the most important thing for feminism is to be honest with yourself and not fool yourself

She also used the current situation of society to explain in detail, for example, on the issue of gender equality in marriage, many women believe that housework and childcare should be shared equally, and the living expenses should be divided in half, and men accept such an equal relationship before marriage

But Ueno believes that in real life, men earn more and women earn less, and it is natural for families to earn more.

In particular, she stressed that it was fine as long as no party was treated unfairly or unfavourably.

From my understanding, if this part is derived, that is, equality in marriage is not to distribute all money, responsibilities and things equally, but in a certain aspect, who is more capable will bear a little more, in family relationships, not everyone is good at everything, there must be someone who is good at this piece, someone is good at another piece, each person bears more of what they are good at, at the same time, to see each other's efforts, do not feel that the other party bears the part is taken for granted.

If they can develop this issue, it should be quite exciting to derive from equality in women's families to equality in the workplace

Unfortunately, the topic of Peking University girls changed and turned to the issue of having children, she said that she said to her husband before marriage that she did not want children, but after four years of marriage, the man said that he wanted a child, and after negotiation, she gave birth to a child, which is based on four years of married life, and she has more trust in this man...

Because this Peking University girl's previous video said that the reason for giving birth to a child was to prevent her husband from cheating, and now in order to highlight her "independent woman" personality, she has beautified having children into trust in her husband, which is also one of the reasons why her video overturned

Whatever the reason for having a baby, it was to grab the other half. But isn't the main reason for having children because of love? Love your other half, love your children, love children, and welcome the arrival of a little life with love and respect for life, while assuming the responsibility of parenthood

It is also because the reason she has children is to satisfy men, so she feels that she is not perfect and is flawed feminism.

Ueno's view is that what really changes a woman's life is not getting married, but having children.

She believes that the experience of having children will enrich a woman's life, so in her opinion, having a child is better than not having a child, and what will really cause problems is having a child with a man she cannot trust

Ueno gave the example of a friend who couldn't attend every party because the children were small. Ueno wondered why she didn't bring the child to her husband, and this mother's reason was not to worry. Ueno said that the child was born to two people together, and if you didn't even dare to let him take it for a day, you shouldn't have slept with this man in the first place!

This passage is actually very loose for mothers, because it does contain a lot of confusion after women give birth, when the child is young, many mothers lose their personal space because of taking care of the child, and surround the child all day, if you can see that the child is born to two people together, let the father take his own responsibility, women can calmly have their own space, and the anxiety of new mothers will also let go a lot.

For the relationship between parents and children, Chizuko Ueno's answer is also wonderful. When she was asked about her mom's influence on her becoming a feminist

She said that she did not follow the path her mother wanted her to take, and denied her mother's way of living with her own way of living

She thinks her relationship with her mom may have been unfortunate, because she died when she was 40 years old.

But if the mother can live a little longer, the two of them can start more life conversations as two women instead of mother and daughter.

Her mother's marriage was unfortunate, but she was asked to enter into marriage, which she couldn't understand. And her mother died when she was in her 40s, so even if she later had career achievements, her mother could not see it. And her father, who lived longer than her mother, in his 70s, thought that women were good at fighting for their careers, which was equivalent to recognizing her way of living and career achievements.

She believes that it is important for women to have options

Getting married and having children is not because of being forced, but because of one's own choice

Marriage can be chosen, but parents have no way to choose, parents' life or personality, will inevitably affect their children, and children have no way to escape their parents. This leads to the inevitable desire of many parents to manipulate their children to their own heart's content.

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In the parent-child relationship, this is really important. Many parents care too much about their children and want their children to come according to their own requirements, without respecting their children's ideas, which leads to very serious problems in parent-child relationships.

Many children want to get rid of their parents, but they can't. Ueno said that if parents can get rid of the shackles of the identity of "parents" and not impose their own way of living on their children. When parents are free, so are children.

Ueno also talked about the problem of "toxic parents", she felt that abuse is passed on from generation to generation, but the children of toxic parents do not necessarily become toxic parents, and children can use their parents as negative teaching materials and choose not to become like that

She believes that as her children grow up, when their daughters reach adolescence, they will become the most inspiring critics of mothers.

Because of the mother's weaknesses and flaws, it seems clear to the daughter. The mother is also one of the immature adults, and the daughter will gradually realize this, but the mother will not let go. Few mothers are willing to enter into an equal relationship with their children.

Many times, parents will also ask their children to obey themselves in the name of "I am for your good", but in essence, parents are not for the good of their children, but for their own good. If the child can see this and have a duel with the parents, the parent-child relationship will change.

Some mothers will use their own illness and weakness to force their children, and children are easily at a loss at this time, but if you can tell your mother at this time, this is my life, not your life, my life is definitely longer than yours, let me live my own life, this is maternal love. The relationship will be different.

Many times, children cannot get rid of their parents because they feel that their parents are very strong, in fact, over time, parents will age, and when the mother becomes weak little by little, the relationship between mother and daughter will change.

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Ueno's view is that if mom can live a little longer, over time, mom and daughter can let go of their identities, and they can reconnect with each other, recognize the differences between the two sides, and recognize each other.

This is a great way to solve the problems and injuries of the family of origin. Many times, when we grow up and look at the problems and injuries caused by our parents with more mature eyes, we will find that our parents are not as strong as we think, they also have their own limitations, at this time, it is easier to understand each other, and we are more able to let go of our inner expectations, so as to achieve another balance.

The mother-daughter relationship is so difficult, and the mother-child relationship will be even more difficult, because the son will always feel guilty about his mother and cannot raise his head in front of his mother

Especially in this generation of many only children, the mother wants to control the son more, the mother-child relationship will be more difficult, and the resulting mother-in-law relationship is also difficult.

But Ueno believes that if he can see that his husband is an outsider, and his mother-in-law, who is an outsider, as long as he can recognize this, he can maintain the right relationship. At the same time, if you can also see that your mother-in-law is willing to learn in a new environment, and older people can also change, the relationship with each other will be better.

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This is indeed the case in life, many people when they get married, they hope that their other half will recognize their parents and family, and feel that if you have a bad relationship with my parents, you don't recognize "me". But if you can realize that the other party establishes a relationship with their parents because of "me", their own parents themselves are filial piety, they are warm to their parents, and it is their responsibility to maintain a good relationship with their parents, the expectations of the other half will be put down, both husband and wife will be much easier, and the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will naturally be reduced.

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Looking at these answers from Chizuko Ueno, you will find that she has a strong heart, she always follows her own heart, no matter what the other party asks, she can seize and use this opportunity to share her ideas with polite and honest answers.

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She is not married, but she can understand other people's yearning for marriage, and will sincerely bless those who have children. She respects differences, respects the weak, fears the strong, is not humble and unassuming, and always faces their different choices with an equal and inclusive attitude.

This is the true inner strength. This is also the true essence of feminism: everyone has the right to choose freely about life, whether to get married or not, whether to have children or not, they all follow their own ideas, respect their own hearts, and respect their choices.

When life stands at the crossroads of choice, I hope that every girl remembers that she has the right to choose freely. Take responsibility for your choices and don't fool yourself.