The arrival of the child is definitely a turning point in the relationship between husband and wife! If you want to improve your relationship by having children, you better dispel this idea!
To put it funny, probably because humans belong to the "up and down" cub rearing model.
Felines, strong single soldier ability, good living environment, most of them are "single mother" mode, from small cats to big tigers, dads are scumbags who run when they are finished. Anyway, relying on the mother alone can also feed the cubs. (With the exception of lions, is the African savannah too competitive?) ）
In the icy Antarctica, penguins are exemplary couples in parenting. Dad incubated eggs, a month of water rice does not stick teeth, almost starved to death and reluctant to egg baby cold. A month later, the mother rushed back and took care of the cubs, also with all her heart. The reason is also easy to understand, but where the parents have a little selfishness in parenting and less effort, the result is that everyone plays ball, and no one wants to get offspring who survive smoothly.
Humans, stuck in the middle. Husband and wife together, it is certainly the best; but what about one party stealing a little laziness? It seems that the cubs can also be raised smoothly. No matter how much effort is made in the process, the final result is 50% of everyone, so it seems to be the most cost-effective way to be lazy in the process and pay less.
In family life, such high-frequency and just-needed affairs activities as housework, once the willingness of the two sides to invest is too large, the result is endless contradictions and internal friction.
Just need to represent can not be avoided, high frequency means that unlike occasional events, it can be terminated by a party's concession.
The more acute aspect of parenting is that:
The first time and energy invested can be almost unlimited,
The second is in the moral high ground sequence, much higher than housework.
The first point leads to the possible willingness of both parties to invest, and the gap can be unimaginably large.
Second, it is difficult for the party with less willingness to invest to use the reasons in housework: "I don't want to put my time and energy on so much housework, almost on the line, more time I want to do more meaningful things, even if I lie down to rest and entertain, it is also stronger than the marginal return of housework" Thousands of years of ethical value inertia, it is easy to make the party with a higher willingness to invest accuse the other party of being more selfish.
There is certainly nothing wrong with being willing to sacrifice more of yourself and raise children.
And both men and women, is there anything wrong with me wanting to pay more attention to myself? I think there is nothing wrong with it, people must take themselves as the center of the circle as the most basic fulcrum, followed by playing a good role in husband, father, children, etc. People first love themselves before they can love others.
In the family, the triangular relationship is the most stable and continuous structure; but most families with children are more of a deformed triangular relationship, so there will be quarrels and conflicts in marriage, and even destruction.
After having a child, the opportunity for the two to cooperate with each other will increase greatly, and if they have not established a good relationship before, it will be easy to cause conflicts.
For example, after having a child, you have to work, take care of the child, need the help of the other party, and if the other party does not cooperate, it will be dissatisfied.
For example, after giving birth to a child, it is easy to neglect to take care of the other party, which will cause dissatisfaction.
For example, after having a child, it is necessary to discipline, but if the two sides do not agree at the beginning, one strictly manages and the other connivs, it will be dissatisfied.
Summary: Financial pressures and mental pressures make marriages face great challenges. Therefore, before having a child, we must consider clearly whether the economy can have a surplus to bear a child, and whether we can achieve this condition! The child is born, who will take care of it! If you are mentally prepared, you will face the problem much more easily. Remember that marriage is two people, only by relying on each other, supporting each other, being impartial and taking care of each other's emotions on the issue of children, and participating in the growth of children together, can we make the home warm and harmonious, and harmonious!