Four years ago, Fuzhou's Ah Fang and her ex-boyfriend Ah Sheng had a son, but after the birth of the child, Ah Sheng gradually alienated the mother and son. Ah Fang once took the child to recognize Ah Sheng, but he did not expect that there was a conflict, and the child was injured because of it.
Parents are caught in emotional disputes that cause their children to be injured and admitted to the hospital
Ah Fang told the mediation team that on April 23, she brought her son Xiaotian to Ah Sheng's home, hoping that the child would meet his father and negotiate the issue of raising him. As a result, Xiaotian was actually injured in the neck by a woman. Ah Fang called the police on the spot, and the police have intervened in the investigation. Subsequently, Ah Fang took Xiaotian to the hospital for examination.
Photos of the child after the injury
Fang
It is to be dealt with, and if it is not handled, it will be crooked forever. The child is only around, you can't beat it clearly, a soybean can kill people.
Ah Fang: The age difference between the two sides is 10 years After the blind date, they began to communicate
Ah Fang told reporters that when he met Ah Sheng, he was 36 years old and unmarried, and Ah Sheng was 10 years older. Ah Fang said that from the matchmaker, he learned that Ah Sheng had a marriage and that his wife had passed away. After the two began to communicate, Ah Sheng's attitude towards marriage made her hesitate about the relationship.
Fang
I wasn't ready to decorate the house, I wasn't ready to really talk about marriage, I just let me follow him like this, I felt what was going on with this person, wanted to talk to me, but was not ready to marry me. It is about 2017, and we may have intermittent in the middle, and we have not walked so closely.
Ah Fang said that in 2017, she and Ah Sheng were in contact again, and she was pregnant during this period. But after this, Ah Fang realized that something was wrong at first.
Ah Fang: After the birth of the child, the ecological degree of Ah suddenly changed
In November 2017, Xiaotian was born, but the relationship between Ah Fang and Ah Sheng became more and more distant.
Fang
I sent him a photo on WeChat and told him how cute and smart the child was, and how shi shenhai did not say a word. A total of 20,000 pieces of WeChat were transferred once, and then All of WeChat was deleted by the woman next to him, and he said "I am busy and have no time" all day. Last year, the phone calls used to be answered by women, and then said, "You don't have to call again."
Ah Sheng did not agree to mediation and let Ah Fang go through the legal process
Are there other reasons behind the change in Ayatomy? Ah Fang came to Ah Sheng's house with the mediation team, no one answered at home, and the mediation team dialed Ah Sheng's phone.
Mediation Team Dialogue A-Sheng
You don't come to me, you don't want to mediate. What happens to a child injured? It has nothing to do with this, the court has come to judge, it is already going to go through the legal channels, why are you looking for me? Isn't it true that this child is your child? Is it good to go by the law? I tell you, we mediate... I don't want you to mediate! No, you first listen to me, what Ah Fang said, we originally wanted to ask you to verify it. It's useless for you to tell me. That is to say, we also want to hear what you say, otherwise it is all Ah Fang's side. You don't have to say anything, I don't listen. So you don't want to mediate, do you? Reluctantly. But we want to ask if the child is yours? It's none of your business.
On the phone, Ah Weidu was tough and said that he only hoped to negotiate the child's upbringing through legal procedures. Due to A-Sheng's reluctance to intervene, the mediation was interrupted.
Lawyer: Children born out of wedlock
Children born in wedlock have the same rights
Ding Zhaozeng, Associate Professor, School of Law, Fujian Normal University
1
The treatment of children born out of wedlock is the same as that of children born in wedlock, so Ah Fang, as a guardian or legal representative, can use the child as the plaintiff to sue his father to the court.
2
According to the provisions of the Civil Code, Ah Sheng can be required to bear the maintenance fee, which can be paid in one lump sum or on a monthly basis, and the standard of payment is 20%-30% of Ah Sheng's monthly income.
Counselor:
Don't involve your child in conflict between parents
What really happened between Ah Fang and Ah Sheng, because Ah Sheng was reluctant to come forward to explain, so the mediation team could not fully understand the whole thing, but it was a fact that the child was injured, the child was innocent, so there was an emotional entanglement between the parents, what should be done to protect the child?
Zheng Huizhong
National second-level psychological counselor
Parents' affairs should be borne by themselves, do not let children participate in parents' conflicts and problem resolution, and the struggle of parents will make children feel internally divided, insecure and self-attacking. Properly resolving the contradictions and conflicts between parents is the business of adults, not what children need to bear, do not pull children to be their own "allies", let alone use children to obtain the interests of adults.
So, if a child is injured in an adult dispute, how should parents deal with it?
National second-level psychological counselor Zheng Huizhong
The caregiver should calm down as soon as possible, protect the child at the first time, take the child away from the violence, take away from the scene, do not vent the anger of the partner on the child, and clearly let the child understand: being beaten is not the child's mistake, the disagreement and conflict between parents and even violent struggles have nothing to do with the child. Give the child a warm contact of various limbs, hug, touch, touch the head, hold hands, help the child say how he feels, allow, accept and define the child's emotions, such as "the body is very painful, is it good to cry, you must be very afraid, think of sleeping in the arms of the mother" and the like, such expression will also help the child.
Mediation Afterword
I hope that Ah Fang and Ah Sheng can face the contradictions between the two sides peacefully and not leave trauma to the child's young mind.
(The names in the text are pseudonyms)