Know a little more about why your child lies

Watching children grow up day by day, gradually have their own ideas, parents have both unspeakable relief and consequent troubles, such as children will begin to hide their thoughts, and even lie about it.

Why lie?

We can't help but ask, why do children lie? If a child lies, how should they respond?

Lying is the result of a child's cognitive development. Unlike the moral culture that preaches that lying is a vice, lying does not have to be a flood beast.

In fact, children around the age of 2 or 3 start to lie. Lying needs to be based on understanding the intentions of others and controlling their own reactions, so lying is the result of the development of a child's cognitive abilities. Children also play playing play-up and pretend games, such as passing the family, which can also be seen as a kind of self-deception behavior similar to lies, which is based on cognitive and imaginative development, and although it is self-deception, children can also distinguish the difference between lies and reality.

In fact, unlike the moral culture that "lying is a vice", lying is not necessarily a flood beast. Psychological research has found that we adults lie every day, and lying is a very common phenomenon. If someone claims to never lie, it's probably a true lie.

Psychologists distinguish between four of the most common categories of lies: lies that protect the feelings of others; lies that protect oneself; lies that lie to oneself; and lies that hurt others.

Of the four types of lies, only the last one that hurts others is the so-called "bad lie." Many times, we say "white lies," the so-called lies that protect the feelings of others, and the same is true for children. We receive gifts that we kindly say we like even if we don't like them; we taste food cooked by family and friends, even if it's not tasty, and may kindly say it's delicious. It also seems to be a form of upbringing and courtesy, and we ourselves will do it ourselves, and we may teach our children to do so.

Lying to yourself, which we mentioned above, is the use of imagination to pretend games and other activities, this kind of lie is full of whimsy and creativity, and it is also a way for many people to relax and relax. As long as it can still be distinguished between fantasy and lie, rather than reality, it will not have any bad impact.

Not accepted, so lie

The most common of the children's lying behavior is to protect themselves from lies. I have a friend who talked about how when he was a child, he used to lie: for example, he stole his parents' money to buy something to eat; he didn't like to drink milk or eat fat meat, and he wouldn't say it, but he hid it from his mother and secretly dumped it or threw it away.

Lying is sometimes a "shortcut" for children to avoid pain and punishment, and lying can protect themselves, and this benefit allows the act of lying to be sustained.

The friend said that her mother is very strict and has very strict standards for her behavior, if she is allowed to know some of the so-called truths, the friend will not be understood and accepted, but will be severely punished, or she will behave particularly disappointed, and the friend will be very guilty and uncomfortable.

Therefore, lying becomes a "shortcut" for children to avoid pain and punishment, and lying can protect themselves, and this benefit allows the behavior of lying to be maintained.

Some parents claim that we want good children who are honest, and we encourage children to be honest, not to lie. However, when the child is really honest and honest about the truth and the true thoughts and feelings in the heart, these parents often cannot accept the child's ideas, and behave very angry, accusing, criticizing or punishing the child. What children learn from this is that honesty will bring bad results, and it is better to lie.

Many times, children lie from adults.

If a child says ten sentences to his parents, and all ten sentences are lies, then parents also need to reflect on their own behavior and the relationship between these behaviors and their children.

Why do children trust their parents so much and are unwilling to tell their parents the truth? Perhaps parents also do something wrong or inappropriate, causing the child's fear, indirectly shaping the child's behavior of using lies to protect themselves.

In addition, it should be noted that the child's ability to imitate is very strong. Many times, children lie from adults. If parents also use lies to evade responsibility, such as not wanting to go to work and claiming that they are sick, or lying to relatives, friends or neighbors, children will learn to deal with and deal with problems in this way.

How to look at and deal with situations where children lie

Have a normal heart for children to lie;

Reflect on your own behavior and relationship with your child;

Lead by example, be honest and dare to take responsibility;

If a child uses a lie to hurt someone, take it seriously and correct it.

First of all, parents should have a normal heart for their children to lie. Because, as mentioned earlier, it's a very common thing for people to lie, and it doesn't need to be put on the line and taken too seriously, especially if the lie is benign or for self-preservation rather than hurting others.

Many people want to keep their privacy at an early age, and parents don't have to be overly vigilant, nor do they have to punish or criticize their children too much.

Secondly, if the child lies, the parent needs to reflect on his own behavior, as well as the relationship with the child, whether he is too strict in some way, does not understand and accept the child, and makes the child fear and distrust of himself, fearing being punished by criticism. When it is found that the child is lying, parents should pay attention to restraining their emotions, calmly understand the child's ideas, encourage the child to be honest at the same time, change their attitude and ways of doing things, so that the child feels that it is safe to be honest with the parents, and it is a better choice, so that the child will give up lying.

Third, if parents want their children to be honest, they must strive to lead by example, and they can be honest and brave in facing some things and taking responsibility, rather than using lies to avoid and prevaricate. This allows the child to learn similar behaviors.

Finally, if it is found that children use lies to hurt others, such as cheating other children's money and not repaying them, hurting the tangible interests of others, then parents need to take it more seriously, set up clear rules and boundaries, such as taking the child to apologize to the object of deception and harm, punishing the child for housework, reducing pocket money, letting the child take a warning, learning to pay the corresponding price and responsibility for what he did wrong.

What lies did you tell as a child? Think back to how you felt and try to understand your child. Feel free to leave a message and share your views.

This article was first published in The Shell