Chatting with children sounds like a normal thing, but many parents have turned "chatting" into "preaching".
In fact, it is not difficult to chat with children, as long as you do not treat them as children from the beginning, but as friends generally respect them and guide them, children will naturally open their hearts to you.
Today, let's learn and chat with children 5 tips, may wish to try, hope to close the distance between and children.
Many adults are not very good at chatting with children, are you often in life, often hear such questions?
"What did you do at school today?"
"Have you studied seriously?"
The usual answer to both questions is probably:
"Nothing! It's just like usual! ”
"I've been learning about it"
There are also many adults who don't know what it is to talk to children. The conversation between them and the child is always:
"Is your homework done?"
"Have you practiced?"
"How many points will you get today?"
Children grow older and larger, puberty has quietly arrived, many people complain about why they talk to children less and less, and children do not want to talk to us at all.
But have parents ever reflected on whether children will still be willing to chat with us when all the chats have become boring questions and answers?
The most annoying way for children to chat, and the most useless, is the conversation that is too purposeful. When many parents chat with their children, they often end up preaching. Like what:
Parent: "How was you at school today?" ”
Child: "I learned a lot of new things today." ”
Parents: "It is right to learn new knowledge, you must learn more new knowledge, otherwise you will not have a job in the future." ”
child:......
Parent: "Had a good day?" ”
Kid: "Well, I met a new friend today and we played really well." ”
Parents: "It's okay to make friends, but you can't play together often, so let's do a good job of learning first." ”
child:......
Look, parents can talk about anything to learn, originally children still want to chat with you to share, in the end often parents will talk about the day to death. At any time, think of instilling the idea of studying well, learning is very important, but chat is chat, preaching is preaching, reasoning is reasoning, do not chat every time with a clear purpose and finally turn to preaching.
Many parents keep asking their children about their children at school today when they pick up their children from school. Asking this question every day seems to form a pattern, and in the long run, the child's answer also begins to be patterned: "Well, good, ok, very good..." The answer that is coped with in this way, parents can not get any effective information. If the parents keep asking, the child may have been annoyed and can't help but lose his temper, let alone have a good chat.
Really don't underestimate the chat, especially when the object is a child, in the face of an opponent who does not play cards according to the routine, it is easy for parents to talk about the sky to death. Like what:
Child: "Mom, I want to tell you something." (The child initiated the chat signal)
Mom: "Say. (a little impatient)
Child: "Mom, I want to buy a pair of sneakers." ”
Mom: "Why do you still buy sneakers?" Aren't there so many shoes? ”
Child: "Just buy me a pair." ”
Mom: "Don't buy it, hurry up and do your homework!" ”
Child: "Ahem! If you don't buy me, I won't do my homework! ”
This not only killed the day, but also aroused the contradiction between the child and the parent.
If the mother can further ask the child why when the child makes a request:
Mom: "Why do you suddenly want to buy sneakers?"
Child: "Because our school is going to have a sports day, I want to participate in the competition." ”
Mom: "So what kind of competition are you going to participate in?" ”
Child: "I want to participate......... And do you know Mom, today the teacher also praised me for running fast, suggested that I join the school track and field team............"
Look, if our parents can calm down and accept the signals of their children's communication, there are many more that children can tell you... So, if you happen to be busy when your child is talking to you, then you'd rather have your child wait than rush to deal with your child. It's important to protect your child's willingness to communicate!
I often find that in some families, there are few harmonious dinner times, bedtime time and chat time. As a result, you will find that the child rarely talks in front of you, and over time, you become more and more strange to him.
Every time I hear me chatting with my child, some mothers will ask me very distressedly: "How do you talk to your child?" Why can my child talk to you so much? But don't talk to me? ”
I realized that too many parents had turned chat into questioning or cross-examination.
There are also many parents who feel that chatting is not important, and with this time, it is better to let their children learn more. Then you may be underestimating the role of chat.
MIT, together with Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania, formed a research team to study more than 30 children aged 4-6 in the Boston area.
They found that the more often a child talks to their parents, regardless of family income and parental education level, the stronger the activity in language-related areas of their brains.
Also, the degree of brain activity is strongly correlated with the number of session rotations. Children who talk more to their parents also score better on subsequent standardized tests.
Because children are social learners, chatting with people they are close to allows them to better develop cognitive and language skills.
So how can I chat better with my child? A good way to contribute to everyone is that he is the way of communication used by both Jewish peoples and elite families: the "Haywarda" chat method.
What is the "Hivota" chat method?
Havruta means something similar to the English word fellowship – partnership. Represents a group of two people who study and learn a problem through questions, answers, dialogues, and discussions.
In family education, it is commonly used to chat with children in this way, which can make the chat rich in gold content, so that children can exercise their thinking ability and expression ability in the dialogue between you and me.
The "Hayward Learning Theory" research report published by Brandeis University in the United States pointed out that the Hevota chat method has three main points:
Listen and express; explore and focus; support and challenge.
Listen and express
Perhaps the hardest part of talking to your child is listening. Many times, we think we're listening, but that's not the actual reaction.
Steven Covey, author of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," wrote that the couple always gave encouragement to their children, helping them fight back when they didn't do well and were ridiculed by others: "Don't laugh, he's still learning!" But this kind of motivation did not make the child improve, but hurt his self-esteem.
Later, the author reflected that in fact, their encouragement to their son was insincere, and they did feel from the bottom of their hearts that their son was inferior to others.
Such language does not work because it does not really empathize with the children and pay attention to their actual wishes. True listening requires us to be patient, to observe the child's real concerns, and to empathize with them.
One of the mistakes we often make is to take it for granted that children have not yet listened to their expressions.
For example, one day a child says, "I want to learn violin."
If we answer our child, "Didn't you just sign up for piano last month, you said you wanted to learn." / It's okay to sign up for class, but you have to keep learning."
This kind of answer suddenly blocked the possibility of the child continuing to speak, and he had no chance to express it.
A better way to do this would be to further ask the child, "Why do you suddenly want to learn the violin?" / Seeing other children learning, which point of the violin attracts you?"
When communicating with children, we must forget the identity of parents, be children's partners, when children open their mouths, do not rush to evaluate children, casually draw conclusions, but to guide children to express more.
Explore and focus
When the child says what the problem is, we need to guide the child around the problem and explore the greatest relevant possibilities.
But the child's thinking is inherently divergent, and it is easy to "digress" in the process of telling, and may turn to irrelevant things when talking. At this time, we need to grasp the direction of the chat, pull the child back, and focus on logical communication.
Speaking of learning the piano, confirming the child's intention to learn, we can then ask him, "What kind of music do you want to use it to play after learning?" Continue the deep conversation around the matter of learning the piano.
Support and challenge
After these two steps, the child should have roughly explained his own ideas and formed his own opinions or solutions.
Next, we need to find evidence to support the child's idea, on the other hand, to challenge and refute the child's idea, in the Jewish concept, they think that this rebuttal of the child is not a quarrel, but in this way to see if our previous thinking has ignored some other angle.
For example, "Learning the violin is a good idea, and if you learn it, you can play the piece you hear." But your shoulders can be tired, and it's time for you to do other things every week, have you figured out how to arrange it?"
"Before we learn, can we learn a little more about the violin and see if you really like its sound?" Think about what channels we can learn about?"
Throughout the process, the child is always mobilized, expressing, thinking, his attention is focused on this dialogue, very focused. After completing a round of "Hayvotta Chat", it is like a complete small debate, allowing children to look at the problem from multiple angles and dialectics.
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The younger the child, the greater the influence of the parent. While we seek to read more books and find more ways to learn, we must not neglect to establish more communication with children, because the latter has a greater impact on children's brain development.
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#你和孩子之间能做到无话不谈吗? #
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