Liao Jie (not his real name) is a 14-year-old boy whose parents report that he has been playing the Glory of Kings game every day since he was in junior high school. At first, I started to do my homework until ten o'clock and eleven o'clock, and then the situation became more and more serious, and I didn't do my homework until I fell asleep. A month before the consultation, Liao Jie could not get up the next morning because he played too late, and began to skip school intermittently. This makes parents very anxious, reasoning that the child does not listen, forcibly preventing the parent-child relationship to be bad, the child rebelling, and even almost fighting with the parents.
This time, under the strong persuasion of his parents, Liao Jie reluctantly agreed to come to consult.
Counselor of this issue: Senior counselor of the Psychological Counseling Center of The Listening Bar - Zhang Ruoqin
(PS: In this case, the written authorization and consent of the parties has been obtained, and their personal information has been technically processed)
When we first met, I felt that the child was thin and introverted. Since he did not come voluntarily, the child's attitude was more resistant at first. Because I often deal with juvenile cases, I know that this situation is also very normal. For adolescent clients, building good and trusting relationships is key. Without a good relationship of mutual trust, counseling cannot continue or begin. In the first consultation, I gained the boy's trust. He felt that, in my case, there was some understanding and respect. He lowered his defenses and began to say something about his true feelings inside.
During the consultation, I learned that his mother was relatively strong at home, and she was very nervous about all aspects of his life since she was a child, and tried to help him arrange everything. His mother was particularly nervous about Liao Jie's academic performance, so he started to attend cram school from the second grade of primary school, and he usually did less outdoor activities. Dad is busy with work, the relationship between father and son is relatively distant, and they rarely play or chat together.
One of the things my mother used to say to him was: "Your father and I are both graduates of prestigious schools, and you must be better than us, at least not worse than us." But Liao Jie felt that no matter how hard he tried, it would be difficult to meet his mother's requirements. Although his mother does not directly say that he is stupid, his mother's expression often makes him feel stupid. Mom was also not very satisfied with this middle school, thinking that it was just average. Liao Jie feels very depressed and inferior, no matter how hard he tries to catch up with others, his grades in the class have always been in the middle and lower, and even sometimes ranked in the bottom ten of the class.
He thinks that because of his poor grades, his classmates rarely play with him, and he feels very lonely in this school. Only when playing games, he feels that he is not bad, and the teammates he knows with the glory of the king will chat, joke, and fight side by side, which makes him feel very comfortable, very happy, very satisfied.
The Internet meets his missing needs for belonging and a sense of accomplishment in real life, coupled with the setting of the Glory of Kings game, which is inherently addictive. Sometimes, he also wants to stop, but he just can't stop, as if there is a force pushing him to play this game until he falls asleep. The situation was getting worse and worse, and he felt unable to control himself. Because of the online game, his relationship with his family is getting worse and worse, and there are more and more conflicts, in fact, he feels very painful in his heart, sorry for his parents and mother. It's just that the more painful it is, the more he feels the need to play games. He's caught in a vicious circle: the game of kings makes his learning and real-world relationships worse. In order to escape that uncomfortable emotion, he became more and more dependent on the king game.
Because the father is busy with work, he is very tired after returning home, and his personality is more introverted, not only is he estranged from his children, but his relationship with his wife is also relatively flat. When the wife was young, she did not receive enough attention from her parents, her sense of security was insufficient, and the estrangement of her husband also made her very anxious and remorseful, thinking that she was not good enough to attract her husband's closeness, and her dependence needs were not met.
Coupled with the unsatisfactory career development, gradually shift the focus to the child, overprotect and interfere with the child, and make psychological compensation through this intimacy to alleviate the anxiety and powerlessness in the heart. The child feels powerless to meet the needs of his mother, nor can he be close to his father, he is estranged from his teachers and classmates, he cannot integrate into the group, and he cannot keep up with learning, so he has to flee to the Internet to seek comfort.
This addiction usually begins with improving his external relationships. Through counseling, parents realize that there is already a problem in their husband and wife relationship, which in turn affects their parent-child relationship and becomes one of the reasons why their children are addicted to the Internet.
Through marriage counseling, they promote in-depth exchanges between the two parties, solve some misunderstandings in the past, rebuild benign communication patterns, and increase the intimacy and trust of both parties.
On the other hand, in one-on-one counseling with children, let the children discover their own advantages, rebuild confidence, according to their characteristics, help him adjust his learning strategies, use facts to let him see that poor academic performance, not because he is poor, but did not find the right way, inspired him to find that it is not that teachers and classmates do not like him, but that he is inferior in his heart and thinks that others do not like him. Inspire his determination to control his time online and guide him to overcome his addiction by following the steps of quitting addiction.
Under the guidance of the counselor, the father increased the communication and companionship with the child and the wife, the husband and wife relationship and the parent-child relationship were improved, the mother's anxiety was reduced, the child was given more respect and freedom, and also learned to appreciate and encourage the child. Seeing the change of his parents, Liao Jie felt a lot more relaxed in his heart.
Encouraged and supported by his parents, he made up his mind to control the time of the Internet, although there were repetitions in the middle, and finally with the cooperation of the whole family, Liao Jie finally controlled the Internet time to within one hour a day, and only after completing the homework was online, and the score was improved to a certain extent. After the improvement of his grades, Liao Jie had more confidence in himself, actively interacted with his classmates, participated in extracurricular activities, made new friends, and had a harmonious relationship with his classmates.
Guangzhou Listen and Listen To Bar Psychological Counseling Conclusion:
Teen Internet addiction is generally related to family relationships. There is also the lack of security, value, achievement, and belonging. Some serious, long-term Internet addictions can also cause personality disorders. When a personality disorder is formed, the time and difficulty of dealing with it increases several times. The earlier it is processed, the better the effect.
Of course, in the current Internet age, it is unrealistic to completely stop children from playing games. The most important thing is to let them learn to manage their time and control their behavior.
Cases of addiction require systematic treatment. In this case, not only the relationship between husband and wife, the relationship between parent and child, but also reverse the child's negative cognition, deal with its learning difficulties, improve communication ability and emotional management ability, stimulate its motivation to change, and control Internet addiction according to the method of addiction.