Remember the story between Ying Qin and Qiu Yingying in "Ode to Joy"?
After Qiu Yingying confessed to Ying Qin the fact that she had a relationship with her former, Ying Qin directly denied this relationship.
For YingQin, he is a "chastity first" man, he believes that things between men and women should wait until after marriage, otherwise it is disrespectful to the married partner.
In the play, Ying Qin also said such a passage:
"The loss of virginity, which is the stain of her life; a girl who does not love herself, how do you make me believe that she can love others?"
When we talk about love and marriage, there is bound to be a confrontation of views.
For example, whether you can tolerate that your partner has had several previous relationship experiences.
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"My boyfriend didn't want to accept my past emotional experiences"
A female reader left a message.
She and her boyfriend have been in love for more than half a year, and the feelings of the two people have gradually warmed up.
You love me, you don't give me, and some things happen naturally.
But, in one conversation, the boy and the female reader discussed the question of whether they had lived with the ex.
The female reader was very hesitant to consider whether to hide from him and use "white lies" to avoid contradictions between the two people.
But she thought, "If he really loves me, he probably won't mind what happened in the past." ”
But what she never expected was that after she confessed to her boyfriend that she had had a cohabitation experience, his boyfriend became hysterical.
Humiliate her in public, mock her, and describe her as a girl who is "shameless and self-loving."
It is conceivable that this relationship eventually broke down with contradictions and opposites.
Female readers are aggrieved and helpless:
"Why do people always stare at the past, and who doesn't have the past? Since it has already passed, why bring it up again? ”
"I don't care about his past experiences, I don't care about his past emotional history, why should he hold on to my past and not let go?"
In fact, in the feelings of men and women, once such contradictions arise, they cannot be reconciled.
A person insists that there can be no relationship before marriage, and a person thinks that love is a natural and natural thing that no one can stop.
But both sides overlooked one key point:
The fidelity of the partner, the test of love, is never in the form, but in the heart.
The original heart is right, love is right; the original heart is not right, and it is difficult to maintain stability when talking about feelings with anyone.
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Why do boys care more about girls' past "emotional history"?
The first time I fell in love with someone, the first time I fell in love, the first time I held hands, I hugged, I did something romantic.
There are many firsts in life, or surprises, or sadness, or melancholy, or unforgettable.
But in the hearts of many boys, they have never been able to pass the hurdle:
"Can't accept your partner's past emotional experiences."
So, what is the boy's thoughts? What kind of psychology does this expose to them?
First: "Marginal Effects" and Emotional Thresholds
There is a saying in social psychology called marginal effects.
It can be understood as:
"When we yearn for something, something, the emotional experience of being exposed to it for the first time is the strongest; but as the number of contacts we make, the less emotional experience we experience."
For example:
You're so hungry right now, so hungry, that you feel like you can eat a roast whole lamb.
But in fact, you eat a roast leg of lamb and your stomach is full.
The former is your ideals and expectations, the latter is reality.
When you eat a roast leg of lamb, the process gives you an overwhelming sense of fullness, but then you eat it, and the appeal of the food to you decreases.
The first time a man has a girl, it is the same psychology.
They argue that:
"Since the girl has had an intimate relationship with her former, after being with me, the emotional threshold will definitely be lowered, because she has lost her freshness." 」
In fact, the boy did not understand a truth:
Freshness needs to be cultivated, not eternal.
Second: will subconsciously produce "comparative psychology"
The heart of comparison runs through every corner, where there are people, there are rivers and lakes, and where there are rivers and lakes, it is inseparable from comparison.
When friends get along, they will compare marriage, work, life, and happiness.
Lovers get along, what is the comparison?
He will unconsciously compare himself with the other party's ex, although the other party does not say anything, but the person will still ask the other party about his ex.
This is human nature and cannot be avoided.
From another point of view, this is also a manifestation of "lack of confidence" in men's hearts.
He worries that he is not doing well, that he is not good enough, that he is not as good as the other party's ex.
Therefore, the more you compare, the more you let yourself fall into a state of entanglement and pain.
But in fact, all this is the boy himself into a dead end, the girl does not care about these at all.
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Between partners, how to correctly view the past relationship history?
Everyone should understand this:
Feelings are uncontrollable, and once people fall into feelings, reason is often surpassed by emotion.
There's a word called: Can't Help Yourself.
When you get caught up in emotions, many actions are something you can't restrain and everything comes naturally.
This is called the "personal will" and determines one's own actions.
Everyone has a past, and if you always cling to the past, you can't live with each other, but you can't live with yourself.
Back to reality:
Fish looking for fish, shrimp and shrimp, what kind of person you are, what kind of person to talk about feelings; what are your requirements for the future, what are the requirements for your partner, then you go with this kind of person.
People with similar views of marriage and love can have fewer contradictions after they are together.
Always let yourself get tangled up in it, it's hard to get happy.
As Tagore's poem goes:
"If you cry all day because you miss the sun, the stars will leave you."
Always clinging to the past is a kind of torture for each other.
Today's Topic:
Do you mind the other person's past emotional experiences?
(Article with picture source network)