Author:Ai Wen (Emotional Self-Media Person)
If a person encounters emotional betrayal, they often fall into a daze, they do not know what to do, because no one has ever taught them this, and even, they have never thought that such a thing will happen to them.
Therefore, when a person encounters emotional betrayal, he will often choose to rescue the outside world, whether it is to talk to girlfriends and friends, or to see professional psychological or emotional counseling; or, on various networks, enter keywords such as "betrayal" to see thousands of various self-media articles, trying to find some reliable direction for themselves.
However, among the various ways of asking for help, there is not much information that is really helpful and valuable to you; there are very few practical methods that can give you direction and help you really come out of the shadow of betrayal, and even fewer can soothe your emotions and make you feel that someone understands you and understands you.
Among them, there is also a major risk, that is, various channels are actually filled with a large number of poisonous chicken soup, if you can not identify, obedient, the result is not only not to help you, but may harm you. The following list is the poisonous chicken soup that is most likely to mislead people in the emotional betrayal.
First, the betrayal of feelings has occurred, indicating that there is a problem in marriage, and marriage is a matter of two people, so start with yourself and see if you have any problems.
The biggest harm of this poisonous chicken soup is that you not only have to bear the pain of betrayal, you even have to take responsibility for the betrayal of the other party - in fact, a person's choice of betrayal is completely a personal affair, and what to do with you, even if you are no good, the other party does not need to betray.
The logic of this poisonous chicken soup is that betrayal indicates that there is something wrong with marriage, and that marriage belongs to two people's problems —typical of dichotomy.
The former has no problem, betrayal is of course a problem in marriage, but the latter logic is wrong - marriage problems, not necessarily two people's problems, if one of the marriages does not want to live well, even if you are serious about marriage, do it perfectly, you can not guarantee that the marriage can be happy.
This poisonous chicken soup also completely ignores another important issue: if you want to repair the relationship, then what is the first problem to solve – of course, it is the problem of the betrayer, not the problem of the betraying party! As long as there is betrayal, marriage and feelings must not be better, and only by first preventing the occurrence of betrayal can the relationship have the premise of repair.
Therefore, anyone who instills this poisonous chicken soup into you, you basically don't have to look for this channel anymore - because he has not even seen the essence of the problem, and even the three views are problematic.
A professional consultant or consulting agency, at this time, will let you go back - look back at the past between the two people, to see if there was any contradiction that was not resolved in time, or whether the two people's feelings for each other were diluted without attention, and this was the betrayal that occurred?
If you think about it, it's really like that! You recall that many years ago, because one day when you came home, you were too tired to cook for each other, maybe this will make the other party feel that you don't care about ta anymore...
At this time, they will follow your words: "You see, you once had a rift in your feelings, and you didn't fix it in time, so he betrayed you!" ”
You continue to think, yes, and after having a child, because you are focused on the child, so your love is divided into most, not as much as before, pay attention to the child...
That's when the counselors say, "That's right! This is that the feelings are consumed, the other party feels that they are not valued, and they cannot get the needs of feelings from you, so they can only ask for it! ”
And so on, if you're still sober, you should be "huh."
Husband and wife for many years, how can there be no contradictions between each other; with children, whose love will not be broken down - you find someone to marry, in order to share with each other, not to find a grandfather to serve, to find an ancestor to worship.
If you look at it more clearly from another angle, if you follow the logic of these counselors, then if you want to have a happy marriage in the future, you must do two things, first, you are absolutely perfect; second, you can unconditionally satisfy the other party - because, according to the logic of this poisonous chicken soup, if you are not perfect, if you cannot satisfy the other party, the other party betrays you, it is natural, so the betrayal is because of your problem, not the other party.
Therefore, the above statements are all ridiculous.
(This series consists of five articles, to be continued)