Husband and wife are the most intimate relationships in the world. Some people say that the most important thing in the world is parents.
However, when our parents started a family, they were almost all old, and now they took off their shoes and socks, and they did not wear them in the Ming Dynasty, and one day, their parents would leave us.
Some people say that the most important thing in the world is children.
However, when the children are growing, they will eventually start a family, they will have their own family focus, and they will no longer rely on us as much as before.
Some people say that the most important thing in the world is brothers and sisters.
However, siblings will also get married, they have their own children to raise, they have their own families to take care of, and it is impossible to pay attention to us anymore.
Therefore, husband and wife are the most important people in our lives, and they are also the people who accompany us through the rest of our lives, and they are also the people who accompany us to the end.
However, even intimate relationships need to maintain a certain distance when dealing with them, rather than ignoring them.
At any time, you can't treat your husband as a relative, for a simple reason.
Family affection in marriage is often inversely proportional to freshness
When getting along with lovers, we can easily say love words such as "I love you, I like you", the face is not red, the heart is not beating, and we will not feel embarrassed.
However, when we face our parents, we are not embarrassed to say the words "I love you".
Even if we know in our hearts that we love our parents very much, we can't say the words "I love you" in our hearts.
The reason is that we are too familiar with our parents, and familiar with a little romantic thing will make us feel uncomfortable.
This is the case between relatives, too familiar, will lose the freshness.
In marriage, the key to maintaining the relationship between the sexes is attraction, and the source of attraction also lies in freshness, without freshness, couples will enter the "seven-year itch" faster.
Therefore, you can't treat your husband as a relative.
Yi Shu once said: "There are four questions in the life test, academic, career, marriage, family, the average score is high to pass, do not spend too much time and energy on any one of the questions." ”
When we spread our energy out of ourselves, when we don't see our husbands as important, then the relationship between husband and wife will become more stable in this way.
Marriages need to keep their distance, otherwise there will be a rift
The atmosphere between Tong Wenjie and Fang Yuan in the TV series "Little Joy" is very harmonious.
Tong Wenjie never interfered with Fang Yuan's preferences, as long as she did not touch the moral bottom line, she could do anything, and she would not ask what she did.
In real life, there are many women who can't handle it this way.
Because they feel that two people have been together for a long time, they don't have to see each other, and since they are a family, they have the right to ask each other about each other's lives.
However, the contradictions in marriage arise in such an environment.
Zhou Guoping said: "All exchanges have an insurmountable final boundary, between two people, this boundary is not clear, but it is certain, all troubles and conflicts arise from inadvertently trying to break through this boundary." ”
We feel that the other person is our other half, so we should handle the marriage in the "I am good for you" way.
At this time, we will ignore the difference between the two people, will ignore that men actually prefer freedom, and control will make them feel depressed and want to escape.
Based on this, when we deal with marriage, we should know that no matter how close the husband and wife are, they should not lose the distance; no matter how intimate the husband and wife are, they should also retain some sense of proportion.
The closest relatives are husband and wife, and it is better to be appropriately "indifferent"
People must follow the distance of a psychological space to get along with each other, just like two hedgehogs who warm each other in winter.
The psychological distance is too far, just like the distance between the hedgehogs, then it will not make each other feel warm, more is indifference and alienation;
The psychological distance is too close, just like the distance between the hedgehogs, then it will not make each other feel comfortable, and it is more painful to be pierced by the thorns on each other's body.
Many times, the contradictions in the process of getting along are due to the psychological distance is too close, and each other feels depressed and offended, so there will be bad negative emotions.
Moreover, too much enthusiasm and intimacy will not be a good medicine for a relationship to develop in a good direction, and only a proper indifference can achieve the happiness and warmth we want.
The philosopher Russell said: "Much of a happy life depends on tranquility, because only in the quiet air can true joy dwell." ”
Happiness in marriage is also related to jing, not too controlled, not too dependent, interdependent at the same time, but also to ensure mutual independence.
And this is an ideal state of marriage that we should pursue. And this is the way we should get along with our husbands.