In a relationship, if a woman can grasp the initiative, it means that she can be in a state of flux in this relationship.
She doesn't need to be too deliberate, and love will develop in her ideal direction.
A large part of the fundamental reason for this situation is that such a woman can manage love and know how to use psychological skills.
Genius is ninety-nine percent sweat, plus one percent talent, in fact, determines whether a person is a genius, the most likely factor is that one percent talent.
It's like when we do a question and brush a hundred questions, we don't seriously study a problem to be effective, focusing on quality rather than quantity, and important efficiency rather than workload.
The same is true of love, not how much we give, nor how long a relationship lasts, or whether we use the right method.
Only if the method is right, can there be an effect of four or two strokes.
In gender relations, the effective technique of conquering men is to learn to use the intermittent reinforcement effect.
What is the intermittent reinforcement effect?
The psychologist Skinner once did such an experiment:
He placed the three cats in three cages, each with a button, and when each button was activated, the corresponding food would fall.
As soon as the button of the first cage is activated, a cat can will roll out;
There will also be cat cans after the button of the second cage is activated, but it is random, that is, it may or may not fall, and the number, time and interval of drops are also irregular;
The button of the third cage will not drop the cat can no matter how it is touched.
After a while, Skinner began to observe which cage contained the cats, which touched the button most frequently:
Only to see that the first cat will have food when it is touched, so it will only touch it when it is hungry;
The second cat does not know when the food will fall, so it can only touch the button frequently, and increase the probability of obtaining food by increasing the base;
The third cat simply gave up because he didn't get food at all.
Experiments like this tell us that randomness tends to be more alluring, because it is uncertain, so it will be more sad to increase certainty.
This is the intermittent reinforcement effect in psychology.
Continuous satisfaction will make a person's desires appear a sense of boredom, while accidental satisfaction will satisfy a person's appetite through a state of semi-fullness.
The more a person desires dissatisfaction, the easier it is to be "tamed."
How to use the intermittent reinforcement effect?
First, in the way of chatting, do not be too enthusiastic
After Luo Yan in the TV series "A Piece of Wood" fell in love, her boyfriend's attitude towards her changed from enthusiasm to indifference.
Luo Yan was originally a very cold goddess, and it was only when the other party became more and more frustrated and courageous that she embraced the beauty.
It's just that no matter how high and cold a girl is, her bones are still the emotional state of the little daughter's family.
Therefore, after the two people determined the relationship, Luo Yan returned almost every message in seconds, afraid of missing every minute and every second of sweetness.
However, when Luo Yan devoted herself to it, it was doomed that she would be led by the nose of others in this relationship.
Because men have a hunting desire, often when they do not get a person, they are enthusiastic, and after they get it, they will lose such desire.
As emotion expert Zuo Yan said:
"When a woman becomes more and more enthusiastic about men, men become more and more cold to women, because men feel that women have no challenges for themselves, so this is the case." 」
Therefore, in order to avoid such a phenomenon, we should not reply to the message in seconds, after all, uncertain things will make people cherish more and more.
Second, in the way of paying, do not be too active
Jiang Baili in the TV series "Orange Sheng Huainan" likes the Gobi very much and is almost responsive to each other's needs.
She knows that the Gobi is invincible, so every time the department has a dinner, she will block the wine for the Gobi;
She knew that the Gobi didn't like her, so she was always careful to please the other person, even if the other party sent her lemon-flavored potato chips that she didn't like to eat, she was extremely happy.
But the result?
Gobi felt that Jiang Baili's efforts were deserved, so his attitude toward her would be to come and go as soon as he was called, and he would never care about Jiang Baili's feelings.
True love should never be like this.
Marx said: "It seems to me that true love is manifested in the implicit, modest and even shy attitude of the lover towards his idol, and by no means in the casual expression of enthusiasm and premature intimacy." ”
Blood-gushing love will give each other different feelings in a short period of time, but the freshness is too much, and the person who is too active will be tired, after all, she is the one who has been paying.
And love should be equal, should be thin and long-flowing, should be two-way rush. Therefore, when paying, do not ignore the cost, it is better to take it step by step.