Guide
If a person ignores his own voice for a long time, does not ask questions about his true feelings and feelings, ignores them, and even suppresses his true feelings, for the recognition of the outside world, he does not hesitate to sacrifice his psychological feelings, forcing himself to be strong and die against himself, in the long run, the door of people's hearts will be closed, the heart will be sealed, and the real feelings and feelings will no longer flow.
01
See if your sensory system is blocked
The human brain is divided into left and right hemispheres, with the left brain responsible for reason and reason, and the right brain responsible for sensibility and sensation.
A person's state of health is a state of left and right brain balance. But the common situation is that in the growth experience, due to various reasons, people often have too strong left brain and suppressed right brain, that is, they accept more truths than the expression of real emotions.
For example, people are taught from an early age that some feelings are not allowed to be expressed, such as timidity, and some children are not even allowed to cry. This leads to the human sensory system being suppressed from an early age. This tendency to suppress one's true feelings continues until adulthood and even intensifies.
In order to avoid harm, people even form a habit of deliberately shielding their sensory systems.
What happens when the sensory system is blocked?
First: the sensory system – emotional intelligence is affected. Emotional intelligence is related to "love", people's sensory system is sensitive, they can have the ability to "use the heart" instead of just "using the brain" to communicate with people, and the emotions emitted by the "heart" will make people more comfortable. When the sensory system is not very sensitive, interacting with people seems dull and emotionless.
Second: emotional stress is high. Because the original emotions are suppressed and not effectively handled, they are easily stimulated and explode.
Third: It's hard to find. You ask a person, "How do you feel?" He/she will answer "no feeling" or "I don't know" and so on.
Fourth, the ability to inspire and intuitively is weakened.
The habit of deliberately shielding our own sensory system will gradually make us begin to ignore our inner voices, deny inner truth, and refuse to recognize and face ourselves.
If a person ignores his own voice for a long time, does not ask questions about his true feelings and feelings, ignores them, and even suppresses his true feelings, for the recognition of the outside world, he does not hesitate to sacrifice his psychological feelings, forcing himself to be strong and die against himself, in the long run, the door of people's hearts will be closed, the heart will be sealed, and the real feelings and feelings will no longer flow.
02
Your feelings make your life
Human psychology is mainly composed of two parts: one is feeling, and the other is thinking. Feeling is more basic and basic than thinking, which can be seen from the evolutionary psychology, feeling has been generated in animals, and thinking is a later ability, and the role of thinking is to "rationalize" feelings.
Everyone lives in their own feelings, and it is their own feelings that determine their own interpretation (thinking), which in turn creates their own life experiences.
For example, if one person thinks of another person and is full of anger and anger (feelings), the brain will generate countless thoughts (thoughts) to support their anger, such as wanting revenge, wanting to do something to this person, and so on.
On the level of reality, it will cause tension or dissociation with another person. Therefore, effective psychological work is to change people's feelings and go deep into people's feelings to do work. Only when there is effective change at the sensory level can people undergo great changes.
03
Suffering stems from the unconscious
Behind the blockade of our own sensory systems and the closure of the door of the mind are actually hidden unconscious patterns that we are not aware of. Patterns that make us feel painful in turn stimulate the renewal of the "sensory system" and make us mistakenly believe that the "pain" of the body and physiology is real.
The so-called "pattern" is that people always make the same or similar psychological reaction. Patterns make people unconsciously and unconsciously repeat the same life, and they are so hurt that they can't jump out. In compulsive repetition, the person is in a forced victim position and loses the initiative.
This pattern-induced response, in turn, feeds back into the sensory system, causing us to feel "pain," which drives us to avoid "pain."
If we don't have the habit or ability to remain aware, we are easily driven by patterns and fall into painful feelings. When people fall into a certain illusion created by physiological factors, they also identify with and trust their own feelings.
The degree of consciousness of people is actually like the brightness (degrees/watts) of people's heart lamp, the brighter the heart lamp, the higher the degree, the greater the area and dimension seen, and the less space and room for painful things to exist.
If the degree of the heart lamp is not high, or if it is light and dark, the person is easily obscured by darkness, and is always inexplicably painful.
The shortcut to jumping out of suffering is to improve one's awareness, awareness, and awareness, and only in awareness and awareness can the pattern be dispelled and the cycle of "pattern-painful feeling" be interrupted.
Why are more and more people suffering from depression?
How did those who would not defend themselves lose their sovereignty step by step?
How do those who are always treated as soft persimmons go to the extremes of self-destruction and hurting others?
A while ago a friend asked me out to chat.
She has recently suffered from depression and is receiving treatment and counseling.
We met in the club when we were in college, and she was talkative and cheerful, and she was very caring for people's feelings. If I hadn't had a psychological basis, I'm afraid I would have been quite surprised to hear the news that she had depression.
As the chat deepened, I found that under her easy-going appearance, i suppressed a lot of uncomfortable feelings without saying.
In college, she had intermittent insomnia for two or three years.
She is very sensitive to the light and sound of sleep, but there is a roommate who, because her boyfriend works overtime every five to five minutes, will always suddenly turn on the lamp and video of her boyfriend who has just come home in the middle of the night.
The other roommates were sound asleep, and she was alone in the bed, listening to the buzzing conversation in her ears with her earplugs, and her eyes with blindfolds could still feel the light.
Once the biological clock is disrupted, even if she waits until her roommate turns off the lights to sleep, she still has to toss and turn for an hour or two to fall asleep.
Can't sleep. Insomnia every three to five minutes.
At first, I thought about talking to my roommate, but when the words came to my mouth, I held it back, afraid that my roommate would not be happy.
The first few times I didn't say it, and it was even harder to open my mouth later.
After a few times, she began to convince herself that it was not easy to understand her roommate's long-distance relationship.
After a month or two, she accepted the matter, and every time her roommate turned on the lamp, she listened to the song and looked at the ceiling, and the more she looked, the more awake she became.
It wasn't until the second semester of her junior year, when she needed to take a break because she had a physical problem that she found a reason to move out.
The roommate still didn't know that she had lost sleep for so long.
This pattern has been running throughout her life.
In college clubs, because she was easy-going, she was often called to do hard work that others didn't want to do.
She did it a few times and felt unhappy, but she couldn't say it, so she could only continue to do it, comforting herself that she was more idle anyway.
After work, the leader casually set a goal that was too high to refute, desperately did not do it, and finally was scolded; when the meeting was held, the colleague threw the pot to himself, and did not dare to stand up and speak, although the heart was full of grievances.
Several relationships also ended in such a fruitless way.
The boyfriend agreed to come and pick him up, but he accidentally drank some wine at a party with friends, and it was very late to remember telling her that she could not drive, when she had been waiting alone in the company for more than an hour.
She was completely lost, but in the dialog box, she replied "It's okay" and then silently took a taxi home by herself.
In the end, each relationship is because similar disappointments have accumulated for too long, and the feelings have become weaker and weaker, and finally they have not been resolved.
Uncomfortable, dare not say, uncomfortable, comfort yourself, uncomfortable, just slowly move away from the relationship ....
It wasn't until she received counseling for a while that she realized that holding back could hold out depression.
"Why don't you say it when you're uncomfortable?"
When I asked this question, she subconsciously replied: it is useless to say it, and it is worse.
When she was a child, she was delicate, often bullied, and came home crying. Mom listened to it for a long time and felt annoyed, accusing her of knowing to cry, and was a useless crying ghost.
Slowly, she stopped crying.
When the younger brother was a child, he had a straightforward personality and was often beaten because he "bumped" his parents. She watched from the sidelines every time, not daring to make a sound.
Once my brother accidentally blocked the TV, and my father just happened to be upset about things at work, so he threw a tantrum at my brother.
The younger brother was very unconvinced: "I was just careless, why did you make such a big fire!" Be all abroad! ”
When Dad heard this, he was even angrier, and immediately picked up the belt and beat him, saying that his brother's mouth was hard and he should be beaten.
These experiences are telling her that discomfort, unhappiness, anger, can not be said.
Once expressed, it will be despised and disliked, and even suppressed by the other party.
So every second that anger, grievance, and irritability gushed out, she immediately retreated.
But this temporary calm hides an even greater crisis.
Psychology calls this motivation to try to unleash aggression aggressiveness.
It's a human instinct.
Teacher Wu Zhihong once said: "A person's aggression, if it is not released outward, will turn to attack themselves, there is no third exit." ”
When aggression is accepted and allowed to be expressed, we slowly learn how to express it rationally.
Examples include gently rejecting others, firmly expressing anger, and drawing reasonable boundaries.
And when it's considered a bad, not allowed thing to do, there can be two outcomes.
One is to turn to yourself.
Like my friend, constantly self-repressing and rationalizing, he became an old good man and a soft persimmon.
Boundaries are constantly violated, there is no ability to protect themselves, but there is always a backlog of negative emotions in the heart.
A lot of depression, that's how it happens.
Another result is that when it is suppressed to the point of not being able to suppress it, the extreme release will bring great destruction or division.
I have seen a very classic movie "Black Swan" before.
The heroine, Nina, is a well-behaved woman.
In order to give birth to her, the mother gave up her career and often interfered in her daughter's life and decisions for this reason, and strictly controlled her.
Her expression is completely invalid.
When she was a child, before every ballet class, she always cried and did not want to enter the classroom, but her mother pushed her forward again and again in order to fulfill her ballet dream;
Once her mother bought a cake, she said that she did not want to eat it now, her mother immediately changed her face, took the cake as a gesture to throw it in the trash, scared her to quickly apologize, and immediately swallowed the cake in one bite;
Mom likes to break into her room from time to time and not let her door lock, she needs privacy, but she is afraid to say that Mom will change her face again and dare not say it.
It wasn't until she ran for the lead role in the ballet Black Swan that her life took a turn.
In this play, she must play both an elegant and kind white swan and a bold and fiery black swan who dares to love and hate.
During the practice, the teacher was keenly aware of her problem:
Too well-behaved, too fake, not like a real person.
Never released their aggression, can not jump the black swan.
Unfortunately, her competitor is a person who dares to face her desires and express her feelings, so she is very powerful in jumping the black swan.
Under the pressure of her competitors, in order to find the feeling of the black swan, she learned to release the surging emotions in her heart that had been suppressed for too long.
She began to express herself.
When her mother tried to kidnap her by giving up her career, she said: That career was given up by her mother herself 28 years ago, and there is no need to mention it again;
When mom entered her room again, she closed the door and caught mom's hand, and when mom was in pain and put her hand back, she found a stick to block the door;
When her mom thought she had been too crazy lately and helped her cancel the black swan show, she told her that she wanted to go. After being stopped, she sprained her mother's hand and escaped from the door.
Once the aggression that has been suppressed for too long is released, it becomes an uncontrollable destructive force.
She had a fight with a competitor before the performance and accidentally stabbed the competitor in the stomach.
When she saw her bloody belly at the end of the stage, she realized that the aggressive competitor was just a split personality of her own.
When a person's aggression is infinitely suppressed from an early age, he can only lead to two endings:
Depression, or destruction.
If in this cycle of reincarnation, when he is fortunate enough to perceive that something is wrong, in the days to come, he still needs to experience a long period of setbacks and learning in order to become a life of bad self.
And the best result is that you can be allowed to release yourself from an early age.
Teacher Wu Zhihong once described the scene of aggressive flow in a beautiful passage:
You attacked me, and I tolerated your attacks with love and deeply understood your uneasiness.
This means that your black life force is seen and allowed by me, and transformed into a white life force through my loving gaze.
Allowing, accepting, and understanding can turn destructive aggression into a positive life force.
I think this is the most energetic gift from parents to their children.
I've seen a video of a Halloween kid before.
The so-called whole trick is that the bear parents hide the candy that the children want from door to door, and then tell them that the candy has been eaten by the parents and record their reactions.
After hearing that the candy was eaten, most of the children cried in a fancy way, covering their faces and crying, crying, hiding in the room and crying...
But I was amazed at the reactions of a few of the children, who were not humble and expressed their emotions directly.
△ Criticize mom for being rude in doing so
△ Express your disappointment angrily
△ Warn mom
△ Directly say "hate/hate"
I hate you
I hate you
You let me down too much
It is very impolite to do so
......
This is the normal reaction when a person's beloved things are unreasonably snatched away.
One of the moms heard these words and their first reaction was: Are you sure you really hate your mom? I'm your mom, how can you hate me?
Suddenly, the child feels guilty, holds back his emotions, and turns to attacking himself.
But isn't anger at this time normal?
Allow them to speak out and then give them a feedback.
If it is wrong, put down the parents' shelf and sincerely apologize; if it is other reasons, see how to solve it.
Let them know: say it is uncomfortable, so that there is a chance to communicate and solve.
In the movie "Heartbeat", there is such a plot.
When her daughter found out one day that her beloved plane tree was about to be sawn off, she quickly climbed to the tree and refused to come down, protesting all the time.
But the plane tree was cut down legally, and the workers below kept warning: if they didn't come down, they would directly saw the tree.
Worried about his daughter's safety, the father climbed up the tree and told her solemnly that he knew she was reluctant to the tree, but that for safety she had to come down now.
The daughter finally had to go down the tree and was depressed all day.
A few days later, Dad painted a plane tree and placed it in her room. After seeing the painting, the daughter was very surprised, and her lost heart had new sustenance, and her sad mood was gradually alleviated.
Dad's actions taught her two things:
Even if the emotion is turbulent, it cannot be expressed in the way of self-harm/hurting others;
Even if you can't get the desired result, you must express it, at least the emotion can be seen and released.
When you are uncomfortable, you can stand up and say, reasonably fight for rights and interests, and accept the objective unobtainable.
This is much healthier than simple repression and understanding.
If you're used to suppressing your emotions, start now: stop hurting yourself inward.
Allow yourself, speak your true feelings, defend your rights that should be yours, and live a better life.