"If life is only like the first sight, what autumn wind and sorrow paint fan."
Whenever I read this poem by Nalan Rongruo, I always have infinite emotion in my heart. Many feelings, at first, are always romantic and beautiful, but after years, personnel changes, and finally they can't escape the sad ending. The reason for this may be that blindly taking will dilute the friendship; perhaps it is too calculating, and it will be far away; or it may not know how to cherish, which will hurt people's hearts.
In marriage, all the deterioration of the relationship between husband and wife begins with these two words.
In the relationship between husband and wife, no one "should" be good to anyone, only mutual cherishing and heartache. After getting along with people for a long time, there will always be a psychological inertia, when you are willing to be good to a person, you can only get better and better, so as to meet the expectations of the other party. If one day you make him dissatisfied, even if it is only a little, he will instantly forget all your previous good, and grumble that only your last bit of "bad" is. The first time you cook for him and get your hands dirty, he will feel warm; the first time you will greet him warmly and caringly, he will be like a yangchun.
However, when this behavior is repeated many times, cooking and washing has become your housework, considerate and meticulous has become his standard, and he has always been good to a person, he will get used to it, and there will be no waves in his heart, and he feels that it should be so.
Sometimes when you're tired, tired, emotional, and don't want to do these things, he can't understand it, and all he blurts out is cold-mouthed sarcasm. People, think that if you get it, you will not lose, but no matter how good the husband and wife relationship, it will also lose to a long-term overdraft, cooling down in the "rightful thing" day after day, so that people who are always paying are lost and cold. In marriage, do not take the affection of the other party as a matter of course, no matter which party, as long as the giving or taking excessively, will lead to imbalance in the relationship. No matter how deep the love, no matter how warm the heart, it will die from the two words "should".
In the relationship between husband and wife, do not always "calculate", tolerance is the good medicine for warming the heart. When in love, you can spend the first month and have no worries, once you enter the palace of marriage, it means that two people are in the same breath, to balance career and family, to implement the chai rice oil and salt of life, to have children and educate, to take care of the families of both sides... Living under the same roof, you have your ideas, I have my ideas, it is inevitable that there will be contradictions and quarrels, and when things are calculated, resentment will gradually arise. I think you're less romantic, and you blame me for not being gentle enough; I scold you for being too lazy, and you complain that I'm always nagging.
Slowly, the enthusiasm will become cold, and the joy will become sad. Everything must be calculated, and distinguishing between you and me will make the other party think that you do not regard him as a family, so you will calculate the past, calculate right and wrong, and calculate gains and losses. In the end, life was only left with accusations and complaints, and the relationship between husband and wife fell apart because they were too "calculating".
Su Wu once wrote in "Leaving a Farewell Wife": "Married as a husband and wife, there is no doubt about love and affection." ”
Good marriages are all run-in, couples need to have a reciprocal payment and response, but also need reasonable tolerance and understanding, think more about the warmth brought by each other and the love given, bright days are always more than wind and rain. Between lovers, less calculation, more peace; less complaints, more sweetness. If you are lucky enough to hold each other's hands, cherish the rest of your life.
In the relationship between husband and wife, don't "overestimate" your position in the other person's heart. Love or marriage, where there are so many love than gold, where there are so many to death, more is a ride together, more is to turn around strangers.
At the beginning of marriage, I thought that if I made a vow in the palace of marriage to grow old and not abandon, I would be able to live happily for a lifetime, but in real life, there are contradictions, indifference, betrayal, and abandonment...
Feelings often stand up to dashing, but they can't stand blandness, they can't stand glory, but they can't stand the trough. The person who once cared for you may not have resisted the temptation and embraced someone else in the blink of an eye;
The person you have loved in your bones may become a stranger as soon as you turn around.
In feelings, the most sad thing is the word "overestimation".
The amount of love we preset is actually as light as a feather, and as soon as the wind blows, it flies away.
Expectations are too full, the affection is too deep, blindly "overestimating" their position in the hearts of others, and the last person who will be hurt will only be themselves. As there is a saying: "Human nature cannot withstand temptation, and once the whole drama is tried, people's hearts should not be overestimated, and overestimating will only make themselves empty in the end." ”
Deeply. In the emotional world of adults, less self-righteousness, less beautiful fantasies, and more careful management, it is wise. Although love is easy, marriage is not easy, and it is done and cherished; the fate is shallow, the fate is scattered, and the fate is not climbed.
In the life of red dust, marriage is the biggest monastic dojo. Don't let "should" give and ruin the relationship; don't consume feelings because of "calculating" trivialities; don't lose yourself by "overestimating" love. Cherish the current events, and live up to the people in front of you.