In recent years, there has been a popular saying that getting married is like doing business.
The exchange of interests of two people, the trade-off of gains and losses, both are satisfied with happiness, both parties are not satisfied, but because of some yin and yang reasons together, this is misfortune.
This statement is actually very one-sided and extreme, because if you think about it carefully, you know that emotional things, in fact, many times are unclear and unclear, feelings are right, feelings come, feelings are not right, feelings will not be accepted.
With those who have experienced unforgettable first love, to regretful initial coincidence, and then to marriage inside and outside the walls, people gradually began to find that the original love in the end is an account that cannot be calculated.
And what's even more interesting is that
This is not a ledger, but two people, each with its own account to calculate.
The game in marriage, the surface and temperament, the calculation behind it, look at it, look at it, and see it is all murderous.
This may sound alarmist, and people who don't know much about marriage will think I'm exaggerating.
"Why is it so terrible to get married?"
Marriage is not terrible, terrible is the game in the name of marriage, when the game begins, who first realizes that the essence of the game is to divide the victory and defeat, who can often seize the opportunity.
Let me give you an example.
Let's take one of the most sensitive and indifferent things as an example, and that is money after marriage.
In many marriage relationships, the party in charge of money often has two conditions, either strong or favored.
In layman's terms, the stronger party manages money, which often means that the weaker party always has a passive acceptance relationship for the distribution of property.
If the favored party manages the money, then this feeling of being favored will be solidified for a long time and become a "conventional" relationship.
What does this lead to?
Strong or favored, because mastering the main wealth of the family, there will be a kind of "this family I am the master" of the consciousness positioning, perhaps this sentence will not be said, or no one to say such a point of view, but subconsciously many families for the power of the understanding, is to hold money.
The question that arises is, is the person who holds the money really trustworthy?
This is a very sensitive issue, because everything involved in this problem will affect the quality of marriage and even the conditions of divorce, and those who are on the weak side of the relationship, once they find that things are moving in an irreparable direction, they will suddenly realize that the seriousness of this problem is that.
They can only accept, yes, because the "steering wheel" of this home is not in their hands.
Sometimes, they can only watch the marriage car sprint madly in an out-of-control direction, and the only thing they can do is to fasten their seat belts tightly.
Then, resign yourself to fate.
Marriage is sometimes terrible in reality, not because everyone is calculating, they are leaving a good way back for possible troubles or trying to reduce their losses, for example, in the above examples, some people choose to make public accounts, some people build a thick wall on the issue of premarital property, some people see that the situation is not good, they began to ask people how to recover losses, and even wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to grab the "steering wheel" into their hands.
At this time, the game of marriage has become a "multi-party scuffle" between the two sides' brainpower, material and financial resources, and even between their respective families, this scuffle is not endless, and it must be decided before it is willing to give up.
Unfortunately, such battles often end up with a lose-lose situation.
Hurt people, hurt hearts, hurt disappointments about feelings, but if you ask them, do you really regret it?
At this time, the party with the greatest hatred will often tell you first:
I don't regret it,
The only thing I regret is that I shot too late.
Again, marriage itself is not terrible.
Long-term marriage is to transform these calculations, these trade-offs, into a gentle energy that can be accepted by each other and pass on to each other.
The real long-term marriage is not an open struggle between "everyone's awkward compromise" nor "I will win when I kill you", but everyone is very clear about the role they play in marriage, and they are also soberly aware of what marriage itself means to themselves.
Maybe everyone is not smart, maybe everyone is not good at calculation, and maybe no one is a "marriage expert".
However, everyone understands people, which is easy to do.
What are you afraid of?
The most frightening thing is that one party sees too clearly, while the other party thinks it is very smart.
People who understand too well know that their compromises are the only ones who compromise in the end,
And people who think they are smart think that the other party is too stupid, so they only deserve to be used by themselves.
Such a marriage will either end in tragedy,
Or, end with a farce.