Maugham said: "The tragedy of love is indifference. ”
I think that many times, in fact, two people are not not in love.
Instead, in the long years, each other became indifferent.
Feelings, can withstand the wind and rain, but can not withstand the ordinary.
In the early stages of the relationship, it's normal for a man to perceive that you're not emotionally right because his focus is on you.
Life is long, and as the pressure of life becomes greater, the focus of both people's lives has shifted.
At this time, if a man can still detect your emotional changes and appease you, he is really putting you in his heart.
In real life,
"Empathetic"
The word is also hierarchical.
The man is not a roundworm in a woman's belly, and the huge difference in the way men and women think has led to him not being able to think of it at all.
Or maybe he's aware of it and doesn't know what to do.
And smart women usually only need to do these two things, and married life will become happier and happier:
"To be able to express feelings and to make demands on men."
01, express feelings, not weakness, is the method
Haruki Murakami said: "We all like to read books, like to listen to music, both like cats the most, and we are not good at expressing our feelings to others. ”
In "Know It or Not", there are many clips that impressed me.
For example, when Minglan returned to the door, he was reprimanded by Sheng Hong, and his smile suddenly froze;
Gu Er teased her on the carriage if she didn't say anything more, I would draw your eyebrows, and Minglan laughed and confided the truth.
For example, when Minglan stood up with a big belly to support her grandmother and wanted to punish Aunt Kang, she was forced by Mrs. Wang to be helpless.
Gu Er only used one sentence:
Why do you look so bad? ”
Minglan was suddenly relieved, looked up at Gu Er and smiled.
I've been wondering, why are we particularly touched by the scenes of men caring for women in TV series?
Because, in our subconscious, we also hope that our other half can perceive their unhappiness and care about themselves so much.
However, the men are not Gu Er, and the TV series is not real life.
TV dramas can be borrowed to trigger thinking, but they cannot be transferred to life.
Dr. Marshall Luxemburg said: "We are reluctant to express feelings because we have been suppressed too many feelings since childhood, and later we think that expressing feelings is a weakness. ”
Yes, we are naturally taught to be so.
However, being able to express feelings is never weakness, but a means to make us better.
Teacher Zhang Defen said in "We Will Eventually Meet Love and Loneliness": "There will be many hooks in our lives that hook your emotions and make you feel that you are not good enough. ”
She herself had a history of sexual assault as a child, but when she shared them, she felt much better.
People's emotions will sometimes be like pendulums, and when bad emotions come out, you will be more comfortable.
Smart women should learn to express emotions and express feelings when they are unhappy.
After all, it's much better for you to let it vent than to hold it in your heart.
In "The Golden Powder Family", Yanxi and Qingqiu were free to love before marriage, just like a model of a good couple.
However, after marriage, although Yanxi acted inappropriately, Qingqiu always held his grievances in his heart and was very anxious to see.
I think that the failure of love is never just that Yanxi has changed his heart, but that both people have problems.
I saw a girl on the Internet sharing a story between herself and her husband.
Girls are very capable at work and do not relax in life.
Considering that my husband has been studying recently, he has taken care of the housework in life.
Occasionally, my husband moped the floor and washed clothes, and the girl felt that her husband couldn't do anything well, and it was better for me to come personally.
Besides, my husband is still studying, where can I waste time?
The result is a long time,
Girls are very uncomfortable, always feel that they have given a lot, and the husband seems to have done nothing.
The pressure at work accumulates a lot, and the whole person feels very broken.
Then, because of the little thing that her husband didn't dry clothes, the girl broke out and told her various dissatisfactions.
The husband also gradually realized his own problems and began to participate in the details of life, even if he could not do everything as expected, but did not change a little bit?
Some girls will have a natural desire to control, feeling that the other party is not doing a good job.
Or commanded the husband, the husband did not act for a long time, had to finish the game, brush the video for a while and then do it.
I couldn't help but finish it myself.
In fact, whenever this critical moment, girls must hold back, to divert their attention, not to continue to stare at that thing.
Since that matter does not affect anything for the time being, do not take the initiative to do it.
When the other person really forgot, just make a joke to remind you.
Many times, men are lazy because women are too diligent.
Truly intelligent women will express their feelings, let their lives be less troublesome, and feel more pampered by men.
02, expressing needs, not hiding or tucking, is wisdom
When the grandmother was poisoned by Aunt Kang and Lady Wang, Minglan obviously needed Gu Er's support.
However, considering that Gu Er was running errands for King Huan, he decided to take matters into his own hands and find Tu Er and others to surround the Sheng family.
I wanted to force Aunt Kang and others to obey, but I didn't think of the danger.
And Changbai's daughter-in-law, Haishi, knew to immediately notify Changbai to go home and preside over the overall situation.
Gu Er looked for Minglan afterwards to settle the account: "Why does your sister-in-law dare to inform your second brother to go home and bet on your second brother's future, such a big thing happened at home, but you didn't know to notify me?" ”
Women can do everything, but they don't have to do everything.
Hai Shi is also a very wise woman, and the housekeeper is a good hand, which is the best woman in the play.
Her most typical feature is that when it comes to relying on her husband, she is not ambiguous.
When Lady Wang wanted to put her mother-in-law's money, Changbai taught her that she only needed to work hard for a month for a while, and if she served her mother-in-law well, Lady Wang would not be able to stand it.
Sure enough, after a long time, Lady Wang was squeezed by the old lady and Sheng Hong, and did not dare to let Hai Shi come to him to do filial piety too diligently.
"There is a passage on the Internet: I have become a thousand armies and horses alone, what is the use of asking men?"
Women can have this ability, but the need for men is more of a high level of intelligence.
Men also need a sense of self-accomplishment that comes from women's approval.
In the TV series "Thirty Only", Xu Huanshan assembled things, and Lin Youyou kept praising:
"Say you're too good."
And Gu Jia, just feel that her husband is busy, there is no time to do this, everything likes to do it herself.
Xu Huanshan could not feel a sense of existence around her, and would naturally stay away from her and accept the pursuit of other women.
Minglan meets Gu Tingye and Hai Shi meets Sheng Changbai and can live happily because the two men each know how to safeguard the interests of women.
In real life, women have a family, have children, and will naturally aggrieved themselves for the sake of their families.
Ignore your own inner needs.
But a truly wise woman knows that she is the first.
A friend shared with me a small incident of eating chicken thighs at home.
The mother-in-law knows that her grandson likes to eat chicken legs in the brine shop, thinking that children can't eat so much, so they don't buy too much.
But friends as daughters-in-law also like to eat chicken legs, when eating, just say to my husband: "Honey, I also like to eat chicken legs, you can't buy it for me because my son likes to eat!" ”
In the future, the mother-in-law will know, remember to buy more, and bring a copy for the daughter-in-law.
The son also knows that in the future, if there is good food, he will keep a copy for his daughter-in-law.
Smart women can do anything.
But don't forget that multi-directional to the other half
Express the need.
This is to reduce the burden on their own lives, but also to increase the weight of caring for themselves in marriage.
03. Conclusion
Zhang Ailing said: "Say good forever, somehow dispersed." In the end, I thought about it myself, and I couldn't even figure out what separated them in the first place.
Then, you suddenly wake up to the fact that feelings are so fragile. Can withstand the wind and rain, but can not withstand the ordinary..."
Yes, ordinary life is the most testing.
The Buddha said: "Five hundred times of looking back in a past life, in exchange for the passing of this life." ”
Every relationship is not easy.
If the relationship can end quickly, a new person, or will encounter all kinds of troubles.
Probably it is to change the soup without changing the medicine.
A woman can do everything, but she doesn't have to do everything;
Expressing feelings and needs to men is the wisest approach in marriage.
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