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"Flower Commentary": "People must be hurt to be silent and focused, whether it is mental or physical trauma, it is good for growth." ”
This view only applies to normal people, just as the so-called "loss should be early", after suffering a loss, you can eat a long and wise, silent and focused, prudent in doing things, do not let yourself repeat the same mistakes.
For abnormal people, they will not grow up because of trauma, they will either complain about others or wait for revenge.
The reason for this is that such people are always self-centered and never think that they are wrong, but when others make them unhappy, they think it is someone else's fault.
The reason why the following woman is not willing to get too close to her in-laws is because her in-laws are abnormal people mentioned above, let's take a look.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
See you mentioned in the article that "many women are reluctant to get too close to their in-laws", and the reason why one of the women said is exactly what I want to say: I don't want to get too close to uncultured people.
Unfortunately, when I first got married, I had no concept of this, and I also thought it would be better to get closer to my in-laws.
My sister-in-law got married earlier than we did, and when my husband and I got married, she was ready to have a second child. She said that Dabao was too noisy at home, confinement was inconvenient, it just so happened that we did not have children and had an empty room, so she thought of confinement at our house.
Because she was still sincere at the time, and her mother-in-law was there to help, I decided to take this opportunity as an opportunity to get close to my in-laws.
I have not sat in the confinement, I think that confinement should not be complicated, anyway, she left out of the confinement, it will not hinder my life.
However, when she came to confinement, I realized that it was much more complicated than I thought.
She didn't just come to confinement, she brought her eldest son with her. It's like saying, I'm going to take care of them.
Taking care of people is not a difficult thing for me, the problem is that her eldest son is too ignorant, does not regard himself as an outsider at all, and rummages through boxes and cabinets in our house, wantonly wreaking havoc, like a demolition husky.
I am a person who loves cleanliness and cleanliness, and I hate it when people mess with my things, and I hate it when people mess up my room.
What is even more heinous is that the sister-in-law sees all the damage her son has done, but never stops it, and even sometimes encourages him.
In my opinion, there are no unlovable children under the heavens, only unlovable parents. From her son, it can be seen that she is also an uncultured person, otherwise she would not be able to teach such an uncultured son.
I have hinted more than once that she is in charge of her son, but she has been indifferent. She doesn't respect me, so why should I serve her confinement?
Thinking that she had just given birth to a child, I was worried that driving her away directly would hurt her, so I went to my mother-in-law to theorize that I wanted my mother-in-law to call her to leave.
Sadly, when I learned that I wanted my sister-in-law to get out of my house, my mother-in-law bit back and asked me to roll, saying that the person who should roll the most was me: "You don't think of yourself as an outsider too much, right?" The place where you live is my son's house, and my daughter is confinement at my son's house, what qualifications do you have to drive her away? If you want to roll, it is also you outsider who rolls! ”
After listening to her words, I finally understood why the sister-in-law did not teach her son well, and finally understood why she herself was so uncultured, because she had a mother who was also uncultured.
My husband was the last straw I could grasp, and I thought well, if he didn't help me get rid of my sister-in-law, I would divorce him.
Fortunately, he still knew each other, did not go against my wishes, and after listening to my complaints, he said that he was in line with my ideas, saying that he would start from now on to pave the way for the education of his children in the future.
Although I have offended my in-laws because of this, I don't care because our two families are independent of each other. My little family is not only dependent on the in-laws to operate, I do not need to look at the face of the in-laws to live a life, there is no need to grievance myself to get too close to them, and it is the focus of my life to concentrate on running our small family well. What do you think?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Her attitude towards the same thing as her in-laws is very different. Combined with the point we mentioned earlier, it's not hard to tell who will grow up because of trauma.
This kind of problem is related to the concept that a person has cultivated from childhood to adulthood, and more specifically, it is greatly influenced by parents and is directly related to the family education given by parents.
Just based on whether a person can realize "right and wrong", it can be judged what kind of family education the person has received, and whether his parents have been educated.
Judging from her sister-in-law's parenting attitude, there are many wrong details that go unnoticed. For example, the child sabotages other people's homes, does not stop and discipline, but encourages, which can only show that she herself is not educated, but also can show that her parents are not educated, and there is a serious lack of positive family education.
If you look at it from the perspective of human nature, when you discipline the children of such people on your behalf, they will blame you for not bothering with the children; when you point out the mistakes in their parenting style, they will say that their children know everything and can distinguish between right and wrong.
People who never admit that there is a problem with their parenting style, this attitude is itself the biggest problem, because they don't know how to reflect, they only think that they are not wrong, their children are not wrong, and they have never seriously analyzed right and wrong for one thing.
Although the reason is simple, if you are kind enough to point out other people's problems, but you are blamed for being nosy, I advise you not to be "nosy". The Tao is different and does not conspire with each other, just stay away from them.