Introduction: The news that a female student at Jinan University took medicine to commit suicide shocked me! The contents of the girl's suicide note show the psychological activity status of her relationship with her father, as well as the scene of family life. Perhaps through this incident and this suicide note, I can give you some warnings.
Text/37 degrees warm dad
A female student at Jinan University committed suicide by taking medicine in her dormitory, and the content of the suicide note mentioned the cause of suicide, pointing directly to her father. I wondered, what happened that would give a flower girl so much courage to face death? When I saw my father's irritability, control, ridicule, and even insults in my suicide note, I was no longer curious about where her courage came from! The words in the suicide note reveal the fear of his father, and all this seems to happen so naturally.
Using "go with the flow" to express sad events seems a little impersonal, but in the girl's "memories", it seems that there is really nothing to be happy about.
When she was a child, because she couldn't check the dictionary and asked her father, the impatient father smashed the thick dictionary at her, so she was scared to wet her pants. In the first year of junior high school, I took the first place in the class, and I asked my parents to attend and speak at a parent-teacher conference, and my parents did not show up because of something. If you didn't go, you didn't care, and scolded her. "Later, I never won the first place, and the parent-teacher conference never invited my parents again." "First in the class" should be an honorable word for both children and parents, but in this family, it has become a reason to reprimand the daughter.
In the third year of high school, because of early love, her father called her a "bitch slutty prostitute", and after the results of the second model came out, she was beaten by her father in public at the school gate, so she did not go to school for two weeks. At home, when he was scratched, his father said fiercely: "How not to cut off your foot"; when he was very young, he was slapped by his father to the nosebleed because he did not want to wash his hair; his brother failed the college entrance examination, and his mother was broken on the bridge of his nose; he wanted to go out to play on vacation but was worried that his father was angry and did not dare to open his mouth, "because he was angry, the whole family did not have good fruit to eat."
She said: "My crippled psychology really can't stand the wind and rain, and my future makes me feel extremely dark. "She has been suffering from her father's ridicule, irritability, control, and insults, so she has used an extreme way to find freedom and light!"
She made it clear in her suicide note: "I chose to commit suicide only because of my dad and had nothing to do with anyone else. From her words, I read helplessness, despair and fear, as well as negative evaluations of myself. Use phrases like "I was stupid when I was a kid" to describe asking dad for advice on a dictionary. Is it really because of "stupidity"?
I think that no one wants to admit that she is inferior to others, and that admitting that she is "stupid, not good enough, inferior to others" is a manifestation of inferiority, because her father's negative vocabulary evaluation makes her form a false self-concept. That is, the self-concept that arises around others is the self-suppressed needs in order to express obedience to their parents after their needs have not been recognized and satisfied by their parents. So, that true self is repressed, but it doesn't go away. The life force is as tenacious as grass, how can it be suppressed by external forces? It will still sprout stubbornly, but in another way.
In the face of an important choice in life: graduate school or transfer students? She still couldn't, or dared not compete with her father, and finally chose a decisive way.
Freud said: Man has the instinct of life and the instinct of death. My understanding of this view is that when a person does not have access to better resources for survival, either outward or inward, and she chooses the latter. From this point of view, it can also be said: to die is to live better!
She said she knew her father's childhood wasn't happy, but that didn't make excuse for him to be so grumpy and controlling. As parents, we're all newbies, but it's not an excuse for us not to be enterprising.
We have also been children, and perhaps we had less pleasant memories of our childhoods, but this has nothing to do with our children. If we can be actively aware of the impact of those experiences on us, on the way we raise children, it is no exaggeration to say: "We have mastered the golden key to family evolution." ”
Our childhood experiences, the process of interacting with society, these life experiences are inadvertently projected onto our children. However, these projections, which only represent our own ideas, have they considered and respected the wishes of the child?
But anyone with a normal intellect does not like to let himself be like a puppet, at the mercy of others. Everyone needs to be respected, recognized, praised, and has the desire to live according to their own wishes. When the love of parents is like a mountain, blocking the child's path to freedom, the child's life choice is only repression and resistance.
Repression is the suppression of one's own will and thoughts, and the superficial obedience shown, hidden in the child's body like a bomb, can be quickly detonated once there is a spark. Or vigorously resist and become a "disobedient child" in the eyes of their parents, rebellious, disobedient, and ignorant, it is the life label that their parents label them.
If I consider the lifelong development and inner vitality of the child, I would rather my child be a "disobedient, ignorant, rebellious" child. At the very least, this shows that he has basic speculative ability, he has the courage to resist different opinions, and he does not have to promise to satisfy the wishes of others and please others! Unable to live out the true self, its vitality must also be weak and mutilated; limbs are stiff and unnatural; thinking is empty, numb, material...
"The whole person of the family (sound personality), the pillar of the country!" This is a sentence that the teacher who taught the Satya course said to us, but the teacher also said: "Strictly speaking, each of us is on the road to the perfection of personality." "I admit that it's really hard to do that, but it doesn't stop parents from taking this goal and working in that direction.
Conclusion: Identifying with the child as an independent individual; allowing the child to have a different point of view than us; creating a safe and free family atmosphere; respecting the child's own choices should be a compulsory course for all parents! Children are not our vassals, puppets, puppets, nor are we raising a child to control our children and help us achieve our wishes! Just because the world is beautiful and I'm living well, I want to take you to this world to see, I want you to accompany me through a journey in my life. That's all!
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