With the full liberalization of the two-child and three-child policy in the mainland, many parents are considering whether to add another brother or sister to their only child. However, having one more child does not just mean having one more child, and the parenting style of the parent and the balance of love will have an impact on the child's mental health.
Two-child families tend to ignore the needs of their elders
The study found that family environmental factors play an important role in children's mental health, and many families have psychological problems because they feel neglected after the arrival of the second child, and even extreme behaviors will occur, resulting in tragedies. Dr. Liu Yuxin, deputy director of the Department of Pediatrics of Peking University Sixth Hospital, pointed out in an interview with the reporter of China Youth Daily and China Youth Network that parents who decide to raise their second child should pay special attention to the mental health of the eldest.
Although every parent wants their children to grow up healthy and happy, and believes that they give each child the same amount of love, in reality, parents often inadvertently do things that hurt their children without realizing it.
Liu Yuxin saw that in two-child families, the most likely problem is that parents ignore the needs of the boss. Before the arrival of the new baby, many parents did not fully communicate with the boss, after the arrival of the new baby, the boss usually has a sense of loss, feeling that he could enjoy the love of the whole family before, and now the new brother or sister has divided the love of his parents and the attention of the whole family. In this case, some children will develop degenerative behavior. For example, children can urinate independently, eat independently, and wear clothes independently, but after the birth of a new baby, they suddenly lose the life skills they have learned, become nothing, and begin to wet the bed and pee their pants like a baby, and they will not eat and dress themselves. Liu Yuxin explained that the child's retrogressive behavior is actually because he feels neglected and snubbed by his family, in order to attract the attention of parents, he has also become like a baby, he will not do anything, hoping to regain the attention of the whole family.
Other children will become angry and even secretly bully their babies when adults are not there. These children lose their temper and bully their babies because they feel wronged and do not know how to express and vent.
Liu Yuxin told reporters that children in one-child families, who originally enjoyed the love from all adults in the family alone, often felt uncomfortable when the second child appeared in the family and needed a psychological transformation process.
When preparing to have a second child, be sure to fully communicate with the child in advance
"When a family is preparing to have a second child, it is necessary to fully communicate with the child in advance." Liu Yuxin said, "Communication needs to be carried out slowly and little by little, not just once. It's a long process that runs through the new baby before and after birth. ”
She suggested that it is a happy thing to start slowly educating and infiltrating the children in the family from the moment the mother is pregnant with a new baby, so that he knows that there will be a younger brother or sister in the family and that he will play with him. And try to involve the eldest in the birth of a younger brother or sister. If conditions permit, when the mother does the obstetric examination, she can take the child with her, let him see the beating of the baby's heart through the B ultrasound, let him feel that a small life is slowly growing, thereby increasing the feelings with this new life.
In addition, before the birth of a newborn, parents can instill in their children the idea of being a good brother or sister, and teach their children how to do it. After the birth of a new baby, parents should also pay as much attention as possible to the boss. Liu Yuxin especially pointed out that after the birth of the second child, parents and adults in the family are easy to inadvertently snub the boss, in fact, during this period, the eldest child needs to feel more attention and love, so as not to lose the sense of security, but also to be able to love the new baby.
Parents should often give hugs to the eldest child after the birth of the new baby, give timely feedback to his needs, and let the older child fully participate in the process of taking care of the small baby, so that he can get a sense of accomplishment from it, and let him feel that "I have grown up, I can not only take care of myself, but also take care of my younger brothers and sisters", which can cultivate the strong and independent personality of the older child and make him more responsible. When friends and family visit their new baby, don't forget to prepare a gift for the older child and don't let the older child feel neglected.
Parents of families with many children must "level the bowl of water"
Liu Yuxin believes that the emergence of competitive relations between children will inevitably occur in families with many children. Children will compete for both parental attention and family resources, and how to make children "love" instead of "kill each other" is a test of parenting methods.
Parents of families with many children must have a fair attitude, "a bowl of water is flat", and cannot have a preference for a child. In reality, parents are often heard saying to the eldest children in the family, "You are an older brother, you should set an example" and "You are a sister, you should let your younger brothers and sisters" similar words, which is actually very unfair to the older children, will make the older children feel wronged, feel that their love and rights are deprived, and will also make the children feel that they are spoiled for granted. This is not conducive to the friendly coexistence of the two children, nor is it conducive to the growth of the children, especially when the children enter the society, because they feel that others do not always follow themselves and are frustrated.