Talk about | why what I said is wrong - "Maybe you should talk to someone" Fan wai 01

This article starts with the phrase "Believe me, everything I say is wrong."

I have explained this sentence from all angles, so much so that I have acquiesced to it as a self-evident truth. It wasn't until I recently communicated with a friend I knew quite well in person that I realized that it was just my own obscenity. What I thought, just what I thought.

This friend happens to be at a turning point in his life, and it is easy to feel stressed, confused and confused at this time. One obvious manifestation is that one is suspicious of one's original knowledge, beliefs, and values, and that emotional ups and downs are greater than usual.

Although it is a normal phenomenon, there is still some difficulty in the depths. After all, it is also a process of saying goodbye to the past and moving towards new life and the unknown.

I think we met three months ago, when she was full of energy and confidence. She has her own very positive interpretation and view of many things around her, and it is clearly and implicitly reflected: I have read a lot of books, I know a lot of truths, I have many ways, I can get it done, I have great confidence in myself. In fact, during that time, she performed very well in terms of work, relationships, family relations, and studies.

But life is particularly interesting, that is, a person will regress. No matter how hard you have been along the way and how beautiful the achievements you have achieved, if you don't make an oversight, you will be beaten back to the original form and catch you off guard. This is very different from the education and hints we have received since childhood, but it is a common phenomenon in real life.

This of course requires an explanation. Otherwise, how to settle down in a confused heart? At the same time, we are not satisfied with an explanation, but eager to change. Because we have experienced it before, we also want to have a wonderful experience that we have not seen for a long time.

It is not difficult for me to give an explanation, but I am worried that others will believe the explanation I give. So every time I add a sentence at the end: Believe me, what I said is wrong.

We were eating together and we just happened to have a cylinder with toothpicks on hand. I took this prop and translated this abstract sentence.

The real world is like this toothpick holder full of toothpicks, and you and I will get completely different impressions from different perspectives and different distances. Too far away to see; too close to see clearly; round from top to bottom; rectangular from the side. Each side can represent it, but it cannot be real. It's not over, some people like it, some people just hate it, some people use it to floss their teeth, some people use it to eat fruit, some people just make up their minds to use it to draw a circle on paper...

Strange and varied. Each has its own perspective, each has its own truth, each has its own purpose, and each has its own needs.

The reason why I have come up with an explanation that you think is good is that I just guessed your mind and needs correctly, and gave you an explanation that may have practical use or make you smile. For example, if you want to eat fruit gracefully, I tell you that a toothpick can do it for you.

Don't take it seriously, and don't cling to it. If you think it's easy to use, laugh when you think it's funny, if it doesn't work, let's change the angle and open a brain hole again. There is no one-size-fits-all explanation here, and I am even more reluctant to imprison your thinking and exploration because of my explanation.

Because times have passed, you will encounter new troubles and new challenges, and you will need to jump out of the perspective and find new explanations and answers. Instead of when everything changes, you still cling to the original explanation (truth) and think that the world is wrong, then it is a bit of a sword.

Explaining this, the above sentence "Please believe, what I said is wrong" can basically be explained clearly. But I'm not satisfied, because in reality many of us have intellectual anxiety. They try to improve themselves through learning, to practice, to improve themselves. For example, in intimate relationships, in families, in parent-child relationships.

This should be a good thing to encourage, but there are lost and obstacles. At least I think you should know what you're learning, and how you should treat what you've learned, thought, and understood.

Now let's move on to "explanation".

What does the explanation rely on?

By language, sound, images, and words, these are collectively referred to as symbols.

Symbols are the great inventions of our human beings. Cangjie made words, rained and millet, and ghosts cried at night.

Since the advent of symbols, two consequences have inevitably occurred:

1) Our thinking must be based on symbols.

You can try it in your head, when you think about the problem, do you need to call the language symbol?

2, when we use symbols to name the real world, but also to structure the real world.

The second point is a bit abstract to understand, but it is worth your serious consideration.

Our real world is actually a chaotic mess, it has no logic, no clarity because of it, and there are no rules for dissection. We will never find a real circle, a real square, in the real world, nor will we find a so-called destiny, love, and marriage. We can only name names, approximately abstract and default.

However, the symbol world has. It is clear, logical, organized, normative, and scientifically reasonable. Therefore, when we name the real world with symbols, we naturally structure the real world according to the style of the symbol world.

You can think of the real world as a rammed earth wall, and the symbolic world named and represented by symbols as a brick wall. The former is integrated; the latter brick is brick cement is cement, can be demolished and can be built. The latter is a portrayal and depiction of the former.

But remember, the latter is false, it is our poor imitation, portrayal and interpretation of the real world to help us understand and grasp the real world. From this point of view, the symbolic world is the auxiliary wheel behind the bicycle ridden by the child, the scaffolding used by construction workers. After the car is completed, the house is built, and it is to be demolished.

Auxiliary wheels and scaffolding are the theories, methods, sets, and principles that we humans have come up with. It should be noted that auxiliary wheels and scaffolding have specific uses and restrictions, and there is no golden oil, that is, there is no universal truth. Moreover, since it is a portrayal of the real world, there must be limitations and imperfections. Therefore, when we use it in reality, we also need to remember that on paper, we will eventually feel shallow, and we will never know that this matter must be done. It is better to believe in books than to have no books.

However, this is precisely the problem.

The symbolic world is clear, organized, and highly structured. Do you want your world to be so clean and refreshing, and everything is organized?

You want, and so does power.

Symbols are highly isomorphic to power.

How does power work in the real world?

Laws, provisions, directives, documents, policies and spirit.

Anything that does not meet the standards is illegal, that is, that there is a disease and a problem. Need to be corrected, treated, imprisoned, educated, and even killed.

Power is rampant in the real world with the help of written symbols, and the power of the mass media is even more pervasive, even our most intimate bedrooms and private lives. [See: Media is Sex |.] The Invaded Private Life – "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone About 39"]

Many of us learn this theory, that truth, and then begin to point fingers at the real world, pronounce crimes or establish rules for the world as follows:

You're a scumbag/scumbag because you...

What kind of man is worth marrying...

You don't love me anymore because you don't even...

If you love me, then...

Good love should be...

A happy marriage should be...

Parents should raise their children like this...

Good parents should be...

Marriages without sex are unhealthy...

Girls should...

……

It's hard to be a child, especially a child of some middle-class intellectuals. Because these parents know too many truths and theories, and then practice them in their children. Adults are even more varied, they rely on constellations to understand each other, rely on Weibo and Douyin to guide their emotional lives, and always want to criticize and guide people and things that do not conform to mainstream values. They arm their brains with knowledge, and then use all kinds of rules and regulations to demand others, strictly discipline others, and treat themselves with leniency. Life is not satisfactory, just scold strangers on the Internet, and the judgment of people and things seems to be left with whether it is patriotic, loves the family, and loves the wife. Then tears filled her eyes at every turn, and she scolded the lady who was angry at every turn...

Back in the "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone" series, we combed through the evolutionary history of sex, love and marriage, but in fact, we combed through a history of the evolution of ideas, a symbolic history of sex, love and marriage.

Not to mention that the symbol itself cannot accurately depict the real world, and even the symbol itself is constantly changing with the times? But at present, we always look at it according to various established standards and rules, and make up a lot of problems that are not problems, and troubles that are not troubles.

What do you say marriage is? What is love? What is sex? They are nothing, they can be anything. If you look at the relationship between men and women with various criteria, it will only cause countless troubles, which is also a taboo when men and women get along. Because there is really no standard for men and women to get along.

Every time power tries to forcibly transform the real world exactly as it wills, it often ends in tragedy. Imagine the end of every quarrel between men and women? People are concrete, marriage is concrete, love is also concrete, but both sides should abstract and clarify the concrete, and distinguish between right and wrong.

Remember that life is concrete, symbols and ideas are not important to anyone. The key to learning is to be aware of this and to be vigilant against the transgression of knowledge and the delirium of reason. Confucius said, words must be believed, deeds must be fruitful, and the people are like villains! That's the point.

Let's stop here today!

Ps: Believe me, everything I said is wrong!

Past Articles:

1. "Incident | Completion is more important than perfection - February Summary [2022]》

2. "Women's Odyssey Journey | The Neapolitan Tetralogy

3. Doctor-Patient Relationship | "Strangers by the Bedside"

4. The Power of Ideas | Sex, Love, and Marriage's Past and Present Lives – "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone 45(End)"

5. "Breaking the | Life is Concrete – "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone About 44"