Fu Seoul, the debater of "Strange Story", mentioned in a recent program "Spring Day Delays Departure" that his son Liu Duole invited many people to help celebrate his birthday, and as a result, his son was not happy, saying that he "did not like to be overly concerned."
After that, the son sent a circle of friends to thank the people who accompanied him, but did not mention Fu Seoul and Lao Liu, and also blocked his parents.
This behavior shocked Fu Seoul at the same time, but also felt that it was the destruction of self-confidence, did not expect that this kind of parent-child problem would also appear in himself.
Regarding the phenomenon of children blocking their parents' circle of friends, Tencent has previously done a survey and released the "Annual White Paper on Family Affection in the Circle of Friends":
52% of children block their circle of friends from their parents, and the main reason is that they do not want their parents to worry blindly, their parents cannot understand their behavior, they are worried about their parents' opposition, and so on.
Many parents began to be anxious, do not know when to start, the children slowly grew up, they began to have their own little secrets, no longer the past with their parents to talk to their parents, ask for their parents' opinions of the little baby.
Children have become assertive, want to have their own space, have their own things they want to do, although they live with their parents, but they gradually become strangers, which makes many parents feel sad.
But in fact, this is a very normal phenomenon. Every child in adolescence has its own little secrets.
Parents, we must treat this phenomenon correctly.
The closer the parent, the more the child flees
American anthropologist Dr. Edward Hall has divided four different social distances according to the differences in interpersonal relationships and individual space needs, namely: public distance, social distance, personal distance, and intimate distance.
For example, Dr. Edward Hall defines intimate distance as 15-44 centimeters, and when a stranger and we are within the range of 15-44 centimeters, it will cause us discomfort, and we will also subconsciously maintain a certain distance from others and seek psychological comfort.
For children, they are an independent individual. Therefore, they need a relatively independent physical and mental space.
When parents blindly want to exceed the child's psychological safety distance. Children are easily uncomfortable, and they will have a protective line in their hearts to keep a distance from their parents to seek their own psychological comfort.
Therefore, keep a safe distance between adults and children.
If the adult compulsively approaches, it will only be counterproductive. In particular, this distance is more pronounced when the child is in adolescence. At this time, parents should learn to communicate with their children, not to force.
As children grow older, physical differentiation and independence, and psychological differentiation and independence also begin.
Psychological independence and differentiation are the prerequisites for having an independent personality. It is a sign that the child has an independent personality.
While loving your child, you must also give your child space
From a psychological point of view, everyone will have their own privacy, and children are no exception.
As children grow older, their life areas, knowledge, and emotions are gradually enriched, and their sense of self-awareness and self-esteem is also increasing, and the original unscrupulous and open hearts will gradually close up.
However, many parents do not realize that their children are growing up, ignore that children will also have their own secrets, always think that they are the parents of their children, can freely enter the world of their children, and can break into the "private zone" of their children at will.
They even make gross interference with the child, such as privately opening the child's letters, listening to the phone, peeking at the diary, etc.
Sometimes, the love of parents who are too "meticulous" will make children feel suffocated.
A variety show "My Family's Boy" broadcast by Hunan Satellite TV invited Zhu Yuchen to one episode.
In the program, Zhu Yuchen's mother, who cooked pear soup for her son for ten years, did housework, and dedicated her entire life to her son, which made Zhu Yuchen feel suffocated, and the 30-year-old man actually curled up in the kennel and cried bitterly, which made people feel very emotional.
Zhu Yuchen's mother said that she had no self, no life of her own, and that she was treating her son with her whole life.
She said that if she could be in a good mood, she would live a hundred years. And her mood comes from her children.
While parents love their children, they must respect that their children have their own space and privacy.
Previously, I saw such an event:
A girl who once wrote down her admiration for her classmates of the opposite sex in her diary is actually just a normal reaction to puberty development, not a big rebellious thing.
However, after her mother peeked, not only did she not think that she was wrong to peek at her daughter's diary, but instead scolded her daughter fiercely and fed this matter back to the teacher.
In the end, it causes the girl to commit suicide by taking sleeping pills in one breath, which is heart-wrenching.
Many parents may feel that their children's reluctance to share their little secrets with themselves when they grow up is the lack of their own education.
Not really.
Children enter adolescence, and the rebellious period will inevitably have their own little secrets. In this process, parents should strive for the trust of their children, so that the children actively and voluntarily disclose their privacy.
Without the child's permission, privately look through the child's diary and letters, etc., which can easily annoy the child and make the child lose trust in you.
Growing up, children need to have their own lives, need their own space, as parents have no way to participate in every process and every period of time in their children's lives.
All that can be done is to respect and allow children to have their own little secrets.
Don't blame your child for blocking your circle of friends, learn to give your child enough space. Communicate more with your child, get to know your child, and give your child enough trust.