Babies do not self-soothe, need mothers to sleep steadily, this problem I believe many mothers have encountered.
On this subject, including other sleep-guided questions, I start by asking this question each time: Do you mind?
Putting aside the judgments of the outside world that "affect independence, insecurity, and affect height development", do you mind being touched to sleep with you all the time?
I look at this issue more with the relationship between mother and child than with the external standards (many of which are unfounded).
Let's talk about what to do.
01
Gentle exit in the moment
First of all, I don't think that children who fall asleep like this are necessarily insecure, but it is certain that this must not be a good habit.
And the formation of such a habit must be that parents and children sleep in the same bed from childhood. Then at a certain stage, the child finds a way to "touch" the comfort, so that they feel at ease, and we continue to provide, so it is slowly solidified.
This feeling of "peace of mind" certainly does not mean that it will be withdrawn, and forcibly removing it will only be harmful and useless. What I often suggest is phase out.
For example, in the past, you were lying down to sleep with the baby to touch, try to see now sitting on the edge of the child's bed to pat and hug, you can continue to let the child touch your hand;
Or you can continue to lie down, but if your child touched your breasts before, try to get her to hold your hand.
Successful experiences such as this, quit little by little, while reinforcing the child positively in time:
Babies are now older children, and older children need to slowly learn to sleep on their own, just like mom and dad. Mom also knows that babies need time and will be there to accompany you until you're ready.
After a small step of success, do not rush to the next step immediately, but strengthen and consolidate on this basis for a period of time, and then retreat one step until the child can slowly "mentally wean".
This process can sometimes be very long, which is why many mothers eventually give up, because during the period, the child may cry, and they will spend more time to soothe and fall asleep, thinking that it is better to lie directly with him and let him touch.
So that's why I said at the beginning, it's crucial to figure out whether you want to do it or not.
02
Daily intimacy intensification
In the meantime, I would advise everyone to pay attention to the daily reinforcement of intimacy. Daily high-quality companionship is a cliché, but it still needs to be reminded of everyone again.
What is high-quality companionship? The simplest is the "Five Ones":
At least once a day, there is no companionship at all from the interference of the mobile phone;
Giggle wildly with your child at least once a day;
At least one physical contact per day (hugs, kisses, etc.);
At least once a day, let go of the idea of "teaching" the child, and instead play with the child;
Look your child in the eye at least once a day and say, I love you, I love being with you!
At the same time, you can also use some more "intimate contact" techniques. For example, the touches and massages that were used as children in the past can continue to be used even if the child is now older.
Taking a moment to have a heart-to-heart massage with your child before bedtime can help your child relax. As long as our own emotional state is right and we do not take the child's falling asleep as a task, many children will also relax and fall asleep more easily.
Daily hugs, playing games, etc. are also very good physical contact, but also can increase the intimacy between the child and us, which can help the child to more easily leave the "mother comfort" at night and carry out "self-soothing".
The topic of sleep, there are various theoretical schools, and at present, several major schools in the United States have not determined which is better.
For me, the right ones for your relationship and state with your child are the best, and there is no absolute right or wrong, only fit.
I am a mother who follows Little D from a small room in different beds, and she has relatively few sleep problems. But I would never say, you have to do the same.
Parenting is not easy.
In today's article, I just want to tell you two points:
1, there is no absolute conclusion can explain, touching the mother to fall asleep children must be insecure, and will have an impact on independence in the future;
2, choose to continue or stop, not others can decide for you, the key is your own state.
On the road of parenting, we will receive various comments on how to do it, and parenting knowledge needs to be learned, but it does not need to be copied.
There is only one key, we ourselves first sit firmly in the mother's position, so that the child's life can be more stable.
Big J, a former executive of fortune-500 companies, is an expert in international integration education. 5 million parents pay attention to, good at children's whole brain enlightenment, parent-child reading, early education at home, sharing the latest parenting concepts.
He is the author of the best-selling parenting book "The Secret of Falling in Love with Reading" series and the "Learning Early Education with American Kindergarten Teachers" series trilogy.
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