How to develop children's social abilities

How to develop children's social abilities

This article really came in time, and when I just finished writing a letter to my 6-year-old girlfriend and wanted to teach her the ability to distinguish between things that can be changed and things that cannot be changed, I saw that houde calligraphy book friends recommended this book. Maybe sometimes fate comes this way.

So how to cultivate children's social ability, let's first see what Teacher Fan Deng said? What is social competence? Simply put, it is to teach children to deal with interpersonal problems, which is social ability.

The specific method is called ICPS, which is "the solution of interpersonal cognitive problems." It was later changed to I Can Problem Solve, which is "I can solve the problem".

In simple terms, it is to teach children the ability to solve problems, and the purpose of this book is: how to use the ICPS method to help children learn a lot of ways to solve interpersonal problems.

The author first gives a step:

“

Start by having children learn some words: yes or no, which is "yes" and "not"; and, or, "and" and "or"; then same and all, "some" and "all"; then before, after, "before" and "after"; and now and "after"; and also see and different, "same" and "different".

If we look closely at these words, you will find that these words give the child more room for choice, so that the child knows that these things can be like this, maybe it can be like that, what if it is changed to that look?

The author suggests that when children are very young, when they start learning languages, they can be trained, of course, as long as parents have hearts, it is not too late.

So first teach the child a lot of conjunctions, yes, no, then, and, or, some, all, before, after, now, after, the same, different... When your child is very young, start talking to him with words like this and then teach him to imitate you.

Step 2: Help your child learn to understand the feelings of others.

At this time, we must teach him to learn these words, happy, sad, angry, proud, depressed, and so on, what is the purpose? My understanding is that telling it these words are used to express our feelings and those of others.

The third step is to discuss feelings, to discuss his feelings with the child.

When discussing feelings with your child, there is one thing to remind, don't judge too much.

We just have to ask him why he's angry, instead of simply saying, you shouldn't be angry, we didn't mean it, etc., these words are actually making judgments and thinking that the other party is wrong.

Here's a fun game: "Why" game.

It is that one party says something, and the other party asks me "why". This way we can fully understand what the child is thinking, which is actually a good way to listen.

Here Teacher Fan Deng also introduced us to a game, "That is, you say a thing, I say a thing, and then combine these two things to create a new thing." "Such a game, I guess no child does not like it!"

When faced with disputes between children, we can also use the I Can Problem Solve approach:

The first step is to ask everyone, what happened? The second step is to ask how both sides feel. The third step, we are playing together today to be happy, we have to be happy to play together, so who has a way to make everyone happy? See who can make everyone happy, and encourage everyone to find a way to solve this problem.

So how can you help your child practice these things more?

One is role-playing, one is a doll game, and the other is a game to find a way, all of which can train children to do ICPS and train children to do I Can Problem Solve.

Here, remember not to use material rewards to guide children, but to let children realize the meaning and value of doing this thing itself. This is also one of the core essences of ICPS. Teach your child to consider the consequences, and even teach him to consider some of the consequences of interpersonal interactions.

Finally, I would like to emphasize that in the process of coaching I Can Problem Solve, there are three principles that are particularly important.

The first principle is that we should focus more on figuring out what the child thinks. The second general principle is to let the child solve the problem, not to solve the problem for the child. The third principle, to know the process of thinking, is to teach children the process of solving this matter is the focus.

To put it simply: you don't want to be the protagonist of the child's life, but let the child become the protagonist.

Of course, this method is not only suitable for children, but also for us adults, and when adults lead others, there will be two different ways.

One is the method of instructions, saying what you give me to do, how do you do it, this is the method of instruction. One is the method of coaching. The way to coach is to ask, what are your goals? So what's the status quo? So what are you going to do and what are the methods? So what will be the result after doing it? Predict it, very well, then you do it, this is called the method of counseling.

That method is good, obviously, the first is a machine, the second is really to exercise a person's ability, as a leader, you need not to give instructions, but to adopt auxiliary methods.

Of course, this kind of tutoring for adults is almost exactly the same as the way ICPS for children is treated.

The first step is to ask them what happened. The second step is to ask them what their feelings are. The third step, what to do. Step 4: Write it out. If that doesn't work, there's something new to do.

It's a way to teach children, but if you think about it, it's also a way for us to sort out our own thinking, and when we encounter a dispute, we first ask ourselves how we feel? What is the other person's feelings?

In the face of such feelings, what is the way we need to take, this way is actually very practical in family meetings, the method is there, and the rest is only practice.

This book, I kind of blame myself for how I didn't see it earlier? However, it is not too late from now on, and it is the king to practice.

About the author: Yu Qing, a northern woman living in the south, has the personality of a female man and the delicacy of a southern woman. An engineering woman who loves to write; a volunteer who loves environmental protection and public welfare, and a temperamental woman who loves to read and read aloud.