There are many parents who especially like to put "labels" on their children.
For example, if you see that your child has not done a question correctly, he will say:
"Why can't your mind turn?" How simple this question is, it is really not a piece of reading material. ”
Seeing that the child is not running as fast as others, he said:
"Look at your uncoordinated hands and feet, you don't have any athletic talent."
Maybe when they say these things, the parents are half-joking and don't mean to scold the child.
But I would like to advise everyone not to say such things again.
Not because these words are excessive, but because children are still young and in a critical period of character building.
Any word of encouragement or scolding from a parent will form a strong "psychological cue" for him.
Especially those relatively negative words, the child's impression will be more profound.
Every time he did a math problem, he remembered what his mother said he was "stupid", so he did not dare to write down the problem and began to evade and procrastinate.
The effect of this hint will last with the child for a long time, even for a lifetime.
Some time ago, China Youth Daily published a survey, the results showed:
More than 90 percent of the 2,006 young people surveyed said they had received a "blow-hitting education" from their parents.
Nearly 60 percent believe that this beating experience has left them with a lack of self-confidence and an easy self-denial.
This kind of percussive education, to put it bluntly, is an act of constantly exerting negative psychological cues on children.
Always say to your child that this is not okay, that is not ok.
Over time, the child will become really bad.
But if every parent can replace "really stupid" for "awesome" to say to their children, the change to their children will be huge.
I don't know if you've ever heard of a kid named "Jacob Barnett."
He had an IQ of 170+, which was even higher than Einstein's.
At the age of 8, he taught himself all the courses from elementary school to high school, and audited in the physics department of Indiana University;
At the age of 10, he was admitted to the world's top science and engineering university, Purdue University;
At the age of 13, he released a video publicly refuting the "theory of relativity", which caused an uproar in the major media in the United States.
But it is such a rare genius in physics, but it is a "problem teenager" who is not compromised.
Jacob was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 2 years old.
His movement coordination is very poor, even in his teens, he still can't even tie his shoelaces, no matter where he goes, he can only wear flip-flops.
His social skills are also almost zero, and it is difficult to communicate normally with other friends.
Many families will behave discouraged when facing such children, and even give up the cultivation of children.
But Jacob's mother never gave up, but always accompanied him and encouraged him.
After discovering that he has a great interest in physical knowledge, he guides the child to develop in this direction.
Later, with his mother's encouragement, Jacob became more confident and felt that he had the ability to do it well.
It is also because of this that there is now the "genius child" Jacob Barnett.
Don't say these 3 words to children
The Russian psychologist Pavlov once said:
"Suggestion is the simplest and most typical human conditioned reflex."
Any words and deeds of parents can have a great impact on their children.
Always saying something demeaning to the child will make the child feel more and more like "I am that kind of person".
In particular, the following "hint" sentences have the greatest negative impact on children!
01. "You're also too stupid!" ”
Children are like flowers and grasses, and the growth rhythm of each "plant" is different.
Some children grow fast, some grow slowly.
But we can't often instill concepts like "you're stupid" in children because they are growing up slowly, which will make children self-doubt and start to become less confident.
In that way, even if he is a child with potential, he will lose his desire to express himself little by little in the sound of blows.
02. "How are you like your dad?" Delicious lazy to make! ”
It is true that "parents are the first teachers of a child".
In the child's heart, he will also follow the example of his parents in everything.
But some parents often attack each other with words when they have conflicts.
In the process of educating children, they will often pull out the other one as a "negative model".
Doing so will have a lot of bad effects on the child.
Reduce the prestige of parents in the hearts of their children
Parent-child relationships have become more strained
Let children have self-doubt, always wonder if they are like parents say, become inferior and struggle
It is normal for husband and wife to have conflicts, but it is best not to argue in front of the child.
In the process of educating children, we should also try to show the good side of parents like children, it can be said:
"Awesome! Like Dad, strong and caring! ”
"Good boy, loving and polite like a mother!"
Give the child more positive hints, and the child will become more sensible and work harder.
03. "Only this point, what is the pride?" ”
Many people like to use "percussion education" to educate children, thinking that they are for the good of their children, but children do not buy it.
Why?
In essence, this is a conflict between two educational concepts.
The child believes that he should be praised for doing a good job, so that he can be more motivated to do it.
Parents believe that although the child is doing well, there is still room for improvement, and it is necessary to spur him on more.
The parent's starting point is good, but the child is not an appendage of anyone, and we cannot impose our own ideas on him.
It is better to do it according to the child's logic, and when the child is doing well, give the child more appreciation, so that the child feels that "my efforts have not been in vain."
When the child encounters difficulties, it is not too late for us to find a way to guide the child.
How to give positive psychological cues to your child?
I once watched a variety show about parent-child education, and there was such a bridge section that made people impressed.
When the guest Fu Seoul was writing homework with a child, he felt that he was very serious and praised him out loud.
But the child was wronged and said:
"My mother said I was not good, every day."
Because his mother believes that she always praises him, it will make him "proud" and can no longer study seriously.
This leads to children being extremely unconfident in both the show and in their daily lives.
In fact, this is the negative impact of psychological cues on children.
Fu Seoul also discovered this and began to encourage the children:
"Do you know why your mother gave you so much homework?"
Because you are so smart, doing homework is so simple, you have to calculate as fast as Teacher Fu, in ancient times you can make money. ”
After hearing these words, the child obviously became happy, and the speed of writing homework also accelerated, and it was all done in a short while.
After seeing the child's actions, his mother couldn't believe it:
I didn't expect that without urging the child and scolding the child, he could also complete his homework, and it was faster!
This is the power of "positive cues."]
Therefore, if you want to make your child more active, you must learn to appreciate your child.
Discover your child's strengths and then encourage your child to boost his sense of satisfaction and self-confidence.
In this way, he can always maintain a hard-working and enterprising heart and meet every challenge in the future.