Parents and children have a delicate and involved relationship, is a blood connection of one, but also mutual influence on each other's dependent people, childhood children rely on parents to raise and care, the future will rely on children to filial piety and support, the cycle is the law of human survival, raising children and preventing old age has also become one of the concepts of inherent thinking.
And those children who face the indifference of their parents are not so much contrarians without conscience, but rather that we may not understand the whole story of the matter, and a person's personality, behavior, inner impact and experience have a certain relationship.
From a psychological point of view, such people, often in the growth period, they (she) have experienced these kinds of "despair" caused by temperament and way of doing things.
Parents are no longer "safe" they can rely on
American psychologist Maslow believes that a sense of security is an important cornerstone of children's spiritual growth, which can help children better integrate into society and show their potential and excellent self, but this is closely related to the parenting style of parents.
Honey also argues that children have two basic needs in their early years: the need for safety and the need to be satisfied, and the satisfaction of these two needs depends entirely on the parents.
Therefore, the child is the hope and sustenance of the parents in the future, and for the child, the parents are the pillars and all the reliance of their own world.
For a growing child, security is really very important, because they are fragile and helpless, they can only get strength through the most trusted parents around them, and they will feel safe and secure when they feel protected.
The child's eventual "indifference" to his parents is often not innate, but in the process of growing up, he has suffered indescribable and imaginable experiences, feeling that his parents are no longer the person he can trust and rely on, which may be a misunderstanding, or it may be because the parents' personality handles intimate relationships improperly, ignoring the child's inner feelings, resulting in a bad relationship.
But for whatever reason, in the child's world, he does truly realize that his parents are no longer his safe arms and dependents, so at this moment he will treat the people closest to him with this indifference, because he is also subjected to the same indifference when he is most hopeless and needs warmth.
Therefore, as a parent, you need responsibility and patience at the same time, any subtle emotions of the child may be sending you a distress signal, once you do not get a response, the indifference of the attitude makes them feel despair and the collapse of the inner world.
Parents don't love themselves, or don't love themselves as much as they think
Seeing this sentence, many parents will be sad, and even accuse their children of not understanding white-eyed wolves, because there are parents who do not love their children.
But have you ever thought about what love is?
The love that parents think is the meticulous care of food, clothing, shelter and travel, the advice of booing and asking for warmth, and the sacrifice spirit that does not matter as long as the child is good, but the child's feelings, so is it really loved?
A visitor once described his relationship with his parents this way:
From childhood to adulthood, I have been formulated by their model, within their prescribed range of activities, in their planning under the choice, but also will remind me all the time, your parents are like this, the future will count on you, only if you have a good job, a good university, find a good job, in order to fight for the face of the family.
So I think that they only love the child who can fight for the face of the family, and only focus on the grades, not me.
No one can and no one will deliberately deny the degree of parental love for their children, but they may not love in the right way, and it is not necessarily that children can feel happy.
Parents must think of their children as good as they want, and the purpose is to be an incentive, but this method is really not smart. Children need pure love and care for themselves, and once this love is attached "conditions" it is no longer love, but a transaction.
Let us become better, let us know more about the root of love, that is, whether we are loved, the people in the world who should love themselves the most do not love themselves, this is the destruction of emotions, but also a kind of ability to stifle, gradually from just disappointed emotions, to instinctively get along with the character.
Parents don't see themselves as "people."
No matter how old the child grows, in the eyes of parents will always be just a "child" This is not wrong, the reason is indeed a kind of care instinct between the blood, but the long-term relationship between people needs to be equal to the equality of the relationship, when you are just a child, not qualified to sit on an equal footing to make the children feel despised, this kind of harm is irreparable pain and psychological touch.
To put it simply, children also need to be respected by their parents, and only by respecting their children will future children treat their parents in the same way.
Once a visitor was a mother, she could not stand her daughter's indifference, and she did not understand why the mother and daughter became enemies, or even did not communicate at all.
But the root cause is only that when there were many details, the mother ignored the daughter and the inappropriateness of the speech, the family cooperation business had a small problem, the daughter of junior high school put forward her own ideas on the side, and the result was that the mother said sharply, "You are a little child and what is mixed, didn't you see that the adults are talking about the right thing?" Go cool on the side, more and more unruly, and don't learn from anyone."
Secondly, the daughter fell in love early during high school, and the result was not the comfort of the parents and the correct communication guidance, but the face of the face of the decrepit irony and ridicule, what you deserve, should not have fallen in love early, being dumped is a good thing and so on, very aggressive words, poking the spine and bones completely hurt the girl's heart.
She said that her parents never regarded themselves as "people", let alone love themselves or not.
Many parents are not aware of their own attitude and way of speech, which can inadvertently break the child's heart, learn the way of not being a parent, and naturally cannot get a good parent-child relationship and a filial piety.
There is no wrong child, only wrong parents, when the child feels indifferent, it may not be that he is born like this, but has experienced these three desperate emotions.
END
Text/Emotional Transit Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.