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Source | Junior High School Parents' Association
We all know that in the process of children's growth, parents' words and deeds have an important impact on their children's lives! But most people do not know that as children grow, the need for maternal love shows a decreasing trend, and the father's love shows an increasing trend.
The secondary school stage is the end of the romantic stage of the child's growth and the beginning of the precise stage; the transition period from maternal love to fatherly love. During this period, maternal love may be appropriately reduced, and paternal love should be appropriately increased.
Dad needs to give more love to care for the child!
Infant stage: maternal love 80%, paternal love 20%;
Lower primary school: maternal love 70%, paternal love 30%;
Middle primary school grade: 60% of maternal love, 40% of paternal love;
Upper primary school: 50% of maternal love, 50% of paternal love;
Middle and high school stage: 40% of maternal love, 60% of fatherly love.
According to the "Comparative Research Report on the Values of High School Students in China, The United States, Japan, and South Korea" released by the China Youth Research Center, this phenomenon is particularly evident in China:
High school students in Shikoku believe that their parents are the ones who have the greatest influence on their outlook on life, and it is China that ranks dad and mom first in the highest total (75. 7%), followed by the United States (62. 4%), South Korea (49. 2%) and Japan (39. ８％）。
What is more noteworthy is that Chinese middle school students rank their fathers first (39. 3%) had the highest proportion and was the only one to surpass moms (36. 4%) of the country.
Father is a very important existence for children, the child's life direction needs to be helped by the father to make the correct "navigation", with rational fatherly love to help the child, the child can grow up healthily.
Movie "Happiness Comes Knocking"
Mother's love gives a sense of satisfaction, and father's love gives a sense of direction
There is indeed a language between father and son that belongs between father and son. Together, they can play together, they can constantly touch each other's bodies... Behaviorists say that the physical contact between father and son in a fight is a deep level of communication between father and son.
It is because of this deep communication that the boy knows that he is going to grow into a man like his father. In their fathers, they can see their own future, and they will consciously follow their father's example.
Every boy needs the love of a parent to grow up, but father's love is completely different from that of a mother's.
Mother's love is delicate and gentle, in maternal love, boys can get satisfaction; while father's love is broad and rough, in father's love, boys can find a sense of direction.
If a little boy can't touch his father for a long time, or doesn't feel his father's love, he will have a strong sense of insecurity and will lose his way.
Boys need a father, they need to see their position in their father, they need to imitate their father's behavior to make themselves manly. Therefore, for the healthy growth of boys, fathers must not ignore their sons on the grounds of "busy work".
Fathers' actions, language, and thoughts influence boys all the time, but not all fathers succeed in taking on the role of "son role model." Many fathers also often unconsciously convey wrong thoughts and actions to their sons.
In life, if the father rarely helps his wife with housework, then when the mother asks the boy to do some housework for himself, the boy will rightfully refuse. Because the idea has arisen in their minds that doing housework is a woman's business and that men have the right not to help.
The pattern of the father determines how high the child can fly
Children often have a strong admiration for their fathers, using them as a symbol of wisdom and strength. The child will subconsciously imitate the father's behavior. After the mind matures, it will strive to reach or surpass the height of the father.
Zeng Jize, the son of Zeng Guofan, is an example.
Zeng Jize took his father as an example, and learned from his father in his life and as an official. He later became an official in the DPRK and showed no less ability in political affairs than his father.
Zeng Guofan handled foreign affairs - "Tianjin Teaching Case", mishandled, reputation fell to the bottom, Zeng Guofan realized the importance of diplomacy, so he often warned Zeng Jize to open his eyes to the world.
Zeng Jize learned a foreign language and was bound to get up where his father fell. Sure enough, Zeng Jize played an outstanding role in later foreign affairs, defending national interests in the territorial dispute in Xinjiang, and becoming China's most famous diplomat at that time.
And relative to mothers, fathers generally do not spoil their children, they often point out a direction for their children to reach with their own strength. Children have more space to play, but also exercise the ability to stand on their own.
Therefore, the best education given by fathers to their children is not considerate care of everything, but a determined education that guides the direction.
A good father must set a good example for his children in terms of pattern and determination, which will determine the upper limit of what children can reach in the future.
Movie "Wrestle, Daddy"
Children have different genders and different father roles
As a boy's father, if you don't have enough confidence in being a boy's role model, you may wish to draw on the following ideas and methods:
Confront adolescent boys and make them feel the power of moral restraint.
Everyone says that adolescent boys tend to become "bad", and some psychologists say that whether adolescent boys become "bad" has a lot to do with whether they are with their fathers.
For boys, the father is a symbol of strength, the child will worship the father, for the adolescent boy, the father is like a moral force, he is always bound to the son's behavior.
Boys enter puberty, and the mother's discipline seems to have worked no longer for them. Sometimes, in order to make the situation clear to the mother, they often even challenge the mother's power.
At this time, the most important thing for the father to do is to stand with the mother, and the two people educate the son with the same attitude.
For adolescent girls, the influence of the father is greater than that of the mother,
In addition to the father's bravery, generosity and other characteristics to adapt to the psychological characteristics of adolescent children, girls can also find an idealized image of the opposite sex from their father and learn how to get along with the opposite sex.
An adolescent girl who lacks paternal love is more likely to find fatherly love from men outside the family, especially when this love is suddenly lost, and it is difficult for children to face this trauma and blow.
TV series "Daddy Comes Home"
99% of the success of the child comes from the change of the father 1%.
I have read the experience shared in an article: From childhood to adulthood, my father has always believed in a sentence: there is no child who can't teach well, only a father who can't teach!
When I rebelled and skipped school, he pulled me back from the brink of "bad boys".
Dad was particularly busy at work, going out early every day and often working late at night. Especially in the winter, when I woke up to school, he was already gone, and when I was ready to go to bed, he only crept in the door, and I could hardly see my father several times a month, and at that time I began to be dissatisfied with my father!
In adolescence, the friends around me almost all went against the family, and they ran away from home when they were slightly unhappy, and of course I had to keep up with the pace of my partners. Not writing homework, talking back to teachers at school, taking frequent leave, even skipping school...
Finally one day, when I was playing in an Internet café, I was caught by my father, who took me home, did not beat me or scold me, only said to me:
"There are no children who can't teach well, only dads who can't teach!" I know the problem is with me, and from today on, I'll pick you up and drop you off at school every day! ”
In this way, my father changed the work and rest time that I had been accustomed to for more than ten years and fulfilled my commitment, which made me feel the warmth of my father again, because my father's company all the time in those years finally allowed me to be admitted to a key university.
If you think your child has a lot of bad habits, remember that "if you want your child to change, you must first change it yourself."
When a child rebels, first of all, he must reflect on himself, whether he has spent enough time with the child, whether he has really spent his mind to understand the child.
When the child makes a mistake, he must first ask the reason, and then go to solve it, do not indiscriminately scold the child, learn to save face for the child, and be a seemingly confused but sober father!
Movie "One Day Father and Son"
10 tips for fathers of adolescent children
Being a good dad is never easy, and you'll need more responsibility, encouragement, communication, and help and understanding from family, friends, and colleagues.
It is more important to strengthen the relationship with the child. The following ten tips are suitable for families with teenagers at home.
1. Be sure to send them SMS and WeChat often
The content is short and focused on them and their lives (what are the test results?). How have you been with XXX lately? How well does the teacher teach? Is there anything I can do to help with my homework? ）。
They may not react much at first, but as long as you keep doing it, they will take it seriously, although the mouth may not say it.
2. Join social networks (WeChat, Weibo, QQ, etc.) and "add children as friends"
If they don't add you to a friend right away, don't care, because it usually takes some time. Also, try not to criticize, as social network content can sometimes be a bit unreliable (most kids don't control what other "friends" reply to).
Remember that the most important thing is to build and strengthen your parent-child relationship thousands of miles away.
3. Learn about the games they love
Most of the online games of this year can be played against people from all over the world. If your teens like to play online games, then you can play with them and even play with other fathers and sons.
4. Write a short book called "Life Lessons for a Dear Son (or Daughter)"
Write some of the most important lessons you've learned from life every week. Don't forget to write down how you learned these lessons, it will make them seem interesting and can help them get to know you better.
After every chapter, show it to them. Be sure to personalize the content and be appropriate for your child's reading age. Your children need to learn from your wisdom, and it's a great way to share it with them.
5. Support their activities
If your adolescent child is about to face some big event (such as a graduation ceremony, a big competition, or a graduation party), give him financial support so that he can celebrate in a very special way.
Be sure to attach a letter explaining how proud you are of him and how important it is to behave appropriately in such a big event.
6. Try to prepare meals for your child as carefully as possible
A father made breakfast for his daughter from the second year of junior high school, and insisted all the way until her junior year of high school. Fritters, porridge, buns, at first, his goal was to make his daughter "full." Later, how to make his daughter "eat well" became his "subject". In the past 5 years, his daughter's personality has become more and more like him: optimistic, cheerful, humorous, tall to more than 1.7 meters, breakfast is indispensable.
7. Have a pleasant time to communicate every week
From the world situation, the era of intelligence, work confusion, learning bottlenecks, small to like the girl, trivial daily life, free an hour of time every week, break the identity barrier of father and son, like a buddy to have a heart-to-heart conversation, I believe that two people can benefit a lot from it.
8. Plan your next family trip together
Think about what to do when you're together, and also involve your adolescent children in the program. It feels better to do these things together.
9. Establish a sense of ceremony
The form is not important, what is important is to establish a sense of ceremony that conveys the message you want to express.
10. Be sure to make your birthday a little special
This applies to kids of all ages, although sometimes teens can act like a birthday isn't a big deal. But in fact, everyone, even teenagers, likes to have someone help him celebrate his birthday. It's only once a year, and that day never comes back, so celebrate.
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