Not alone with children
Text/Xu Jintao
(Image courtesy of the author)
"It's almost time for the holidays, when will you come back, the sweet potatoes in the field, and the green onions to take back." The mother's voice came from the other side of the phone, and from time to time, grandma's interjection ------ "The second son has not returned for more than a month.
"Soon, let's talk about it later, there is a supermarket nearby, and everything is sold." I answered casually.
No matter which one of my family called, almost every time I called, I answered so carelessly and deliberately avoided their inquiries about my work. Especially unwilling to face the WeChat video, I always switch to the voice in advance and then answer.
I can't bear to break my mother's heart, nor do I want to report the work situation inquired by my father, I always feel that they are troublesome, can't help much, and just add to the chaos; I am even more unwilling to take the initiative to say something, I don't want to increase their after-dinner talk, become the object of their words, or show off the capital.
In the dark, I felt that I was more or less estranged from my family.
My hometown is in the northern suburbs of Liaocheng, Shandong, the family courtyard is quite large, the garden is well-managed by his man, walnut trees, date trees, persimmon trees, vines, every year is carefully cared for, fruitful, every autumn the owner has also received a rich return.
Only the three locust trees in the alley outside the house have never been taken care of, just like my wandering child, I have not been cared for, and I have not been watered, fertilized, or medicated. Even so, he also worked hard to grow, lived seriously, and is still tall and lush. Several degrees of flowers bloomed fragrantly in the courtyard, and large trees leaned against the outer wall of the north house.
I vaguely remember that every weekend of this season, when I came back from school and smelled the refreshing fragrance of flowers, I would carry an empty bag or carry a basket (I used to pull grass when I was herding sheep, I fed a few rabbits), carefully selected the locust flowers that I just ate, (Grandma told me that the old or unopened locust flowers could not be eaten, and people would die. For this reason, I once risked my life to try to eat it once, and then told my grandmother, I ate it, why didn't I die? So I still doubt her statement, it should be edible, not delicious).)
The nostalgia is indelible, and home still has to be returned.
Finally picking out a sunny weekend afternoon, after calling home to inform them, I bought some gifts and rushed home. I always come home in the afternoon, just want to play for a while, leave before dark, and don't want to eat at home.
Just arrived at the mouth of the hutong, my mother was already standing under the locust tree waiting for me, asking me if I had eaten? I casually closed the car door and said, "I've eaten." This has been said for years, and even if I hadn't eaten breakfast, I would have said it so that they wouldn't have to get into trouble. I have the impression that they are really afraid of trouble, and they are willing to let me play and leave.
"Then play it." As my mother spoke, she let me sit on the balcony chair and began to ask questions, and I answered his questions without a ride. She saw that I did not want to answer, and began to grow long and short again, who is married, who is dead, who has lost things,......, desperately looking for topics, recalling recent news, talking to me, I also said that I listened carefully, and sometimes cooperated with curiosity to ask, the mother spoke more energetically, and her two eyes began to fly brightly, painting and coloring, as if the world at home was so wonderful.
My mother continued to tell her story, and I sat next to my grandmother and listened as if I didn't understand, and my mind wandered again.
For so many years, I have been close to my family at a distance, and sometimes I am overwhelmed by this. Therefore, sometimes my family's enthusiasm for me, I always feel a little unreal, but it makes me feel that this home is farther away from me, and there is no place for me at home.
When I went to school and left home until I started my family, I had my own world. I have also become very independent, and my daily life is difficult for me. The trivialities of life have made me more distant from the family, communication with the family is less and less, some things related to me in the family, they are also intentionally or unintentionally hidden from me, I also do not know or indifferent, in order to show respect or recognition of their practices, to maintain the unity of the big family.
Invisibly, I often leave my family, and every time I go home, I always do the same as routine, coming and going in a hurry, unwilling to stay at home more, unwilling to listen to their chatter. I always think that I am walking relatives, and every time I go home, I slowly become polite with my family.
I still think I'm a kid that no one cares about, and even that idea didn't change until a few years ago.
My mother looked at me in a daze and called me, "Second child, what do you think, eat at home at night, your father is going to change his mobile phone, the original is too slow, it can't be used."
I looked back, looked up at my mother, looked at my grandmother, looked at their expectant eyes, and looked forward to my affirmative answer. For some reason, there was a sudden momentary pain in my heart.
"Well, if I don't go back at night, there's nothing wrong with going back", before I always left on the grounds that I needed to go back, and when Grandma had not yet reached the gate with crutches, I had already driven out of the alley.
And this time, I didn't want to go.
I called my brother and brother, and the family was busy eating a group meal in the evening, as if they were all welcoming me. That time, I felt like I had always been a child who wasn't alone....
After dinner, I left the house at eleven o'clock in the evening, and they all delivered me at the gate. Go back to the city and stay at home. The next day I went home and took my father to buy a new smartphone, and my mother said like a child, "I will also go with the game", so I changed into new clothes and sat quietly in the car, waiting to leave. When I was about to arrive at the mobile phone store, my father, who was sitting in the front row, suddenly said, "Forgot to bring your mother", and before I could speak, my mother in the back of the car spoke, "I am sitting in the back.". Listening to the sound is very happy look.
I glanced back at my mother, her thin body curled up in the back seat, happily leaning against the car door, my nose sour, my eyes moist.
It turned out that I had always been a child who was not alone.
Find some free time, find some time, bring yourself, and come home often to see.
【About the author】Xu Jintao, male, born in 1976, from Dongchangfu District, Liaocheng City, has been engaged in foreign trade work for more than 20 years, runs his own fig farm in his spare time, loves his hometown land, loves labor, likes rural documentary literature, often writes and writes, records the life of the times, study experience, work and other beautiful bits, expressing his true feelings.